Sunday, December 27, 2015

more than a month

I'm reevaluating my priorities, and this blog is becoming significantly less of one. i'm still taking notes, though, so here's a dump of the last month and a bit.

saturday 21st november:

another long day with little sleep, not doing anything productive

sunday 22nd:

slightly better night, beginning the day with a call to israel to learn that my medical aid successfully closed my account but didn't use their standing order to take the amount i owed so now i have to figure out a way to pay them

another rough morning with a relentless mr smear and not a chance to rest for either of us, a "big outing" for shopping and then the day disappearing: hard work and very little rest

monday 23rd:

another long and difficult night, "am i holding him safely" combined with a frustrating message from my mother

mr smear waits until i'm on my way out to start getting the hang of vocalizing with his whole mouth and tongue, having to leave amidst the overwhelming excitement of him demonstrating that he could start saying actual words at any moment

the first cold day

hac is back

our manager arrived with #%$&ing pinkeye to work?!?

speaking openly with my mom about leaving and then realizing that nifty may have overheard...

a painfully long day, the accumulated sleep deprivation definitely taking its toll

a pharmacy mission with mr smear's new "bunting", an amazing couscous dinner and a long shower before crashing

tuesday 24th:

dreaming human evolution from big cats and gifting emerald hummus from the sky, waking up still dreaming to wake up mr smear by trying to move him back to his crib... every attempt failed, i'd rather spend 45 minutes putting him to sleep once than wake up three times in the night

waking up to him rolling on his side by himself! a chatty morning, staring at the snow while bouncing him by the window to gd's beats while she gave a haircut

feeling tired and a bit ill all day, working hard to wrap my head around code that could win awards for how stupefyingly bad it is, a surprise call from godmother just as my mom pocket-dialled me in the middle of an intense cs:go arms race

feeling worse, shopping on the way home and they had everything we want, and more, just not the main thing on a tuesday night

good news from our landlord, although... that moment when you learn that your landlord isn't just a lawyer, but that he works for the rental board

barely able to help out, skipped dinner

wednesday 25th:

a recovery night, mr smear resting in the morning too, a lower back massage to reinforce the fact that i married the right woman, no call from the recruiter who'd caught me at work the day before

a long day of hard work, baby clothing shopping as an excuse to sit for lunch at subway, letting my manager know how i feel (mostly) and hearing how he's blown away by my patience for my team's bullshit

coming home to discover that the host for my active phone service upgraded something and broke my code...

thursday 26th:

a long, hard night followed by a pleasant but busy morning

the brother-in-law call, the work day beginning with spilled breakfast and a fire drill, lunch break jones in the fast lane and fixing my phone service when i finally realized the extent to which my paid hosting changed standards without informing us

learning that our team of monkeys (who, of course, are equal to us in every way) completely circumvented all of symfony's security measures because they couldn't figure out how to enable a feature they were probably doing wrong; we're working on a product that handles a huge amount of money, i keep wondering how so many miracles save these assholes and i think i should join them in their weekly lottery tickets.

the first session: i feel all over the place but what came out of my mouth seemed quite coherent.

coming home early, but it suddenly becoming 10.30 as we put mr smear to bed and passed out ourselves

friday 27th:

dreaming of being the last to check in for a turkish flight via amsterdam, the staff being extra thorough in identifying me and then waking up for an hour of mr smear's midnight entertainment

remembering carusella's star quality, a solid victory, seriously passive-aggressive nox and the italian "smoking a peace pipe to divine his code", a lunch of going through photos of my stuff from pg and getting motion sickness from the simple play-through of the stanley parable, a disaster of an afternoon when i had the dumb and lost my dev environment (again) (fortunately with all the important stuff backed up)

the awkward packed elevator out only to discover that it was pouring with rain and my boots were upstairs, forgetting which stop to exit and deciding to go local, facing a disappointing dollarama stock change and all the lights on our main road being manned by police

coming home tired and hungry, a mostly good evening finishing the season finale of the first the ultimate fighter (incredible!!! bonnar vs griffin was absolutely amazing)

saturday 28th:

2.30am emergency cleanup for a mystery poop followed by fifteen minutes of trying to put mr smear to sleep when he was alert and hungry, followed by the kind of indigestion that pizza can cause that i believe can be attributed to the filling of the chocolate i'd eaten after dinner (i didn't read "milk ingredients" until it was too late)

the 5.45 repeat and not having the strength

three wakings, two overflowing diapers and a visit to gd's regular clinic where - for the first time in the (two?) months since she started limping - she actually received treatment.

beyond exhaustion, a quick snack in front of my computer before heading off to the laser clinic

a positive experience, awkwardly being ignored by and ignoring the idiot technician afterwards

the afternoon bleeding into

sunday 29th:

the morning, with the two of us wiped out and trying to get stuff done

the big lunch outing ending with the shock that a basic meal at rose de lima cost us $50, so we won't be going there again. an attempt at limbo scaring gd and in turn scaring mr smear

getting him to bed around 8pm and 

monday 30th:

waking up at midnight feeling refreshed for the first time in ages, but restless as well and only getting back to sleep around 2.30
4am trying to clean up around an active volcano, panic leads to tension
5.30am repeat, 7.30-8 alarm clock issues, a most unhelpful man at the south african consulate, responding to tons of birthday messages with mr smear passed out on my chest

did you try turning it off and on again? worked for me, getting my project back on track, lunch chat with SxS, a long afternoon impressing my "superiors", finishing late with another double-call from my mom and godmother

shopping, overheating in the metro, home to take out and the ultimate fighter. mr smear was very busy until late with feeding and needing to be burped or changed. what's amazing to us is that he doesn't usually show any interest in the television when we're watching, but mma fighting? holy crap, he's absolutely transfixed and he gets super agitated if we turn him away. he's barely four months old!

tuesday 1st december:

a couple of easy night wakings but overall a decent amount of sleep for everyone. pinching nerves in neck and back. a rushed morning but with mr smear getting into his teething ring and becoming comfortable rolling onto his side.

making good progress until running into a mystery; getting through all my facebook messages, donating clothes and picking up an "activity gym" for mr smear, suddenly becoming drained during a long meeting

rushing to the clinic and arriving in spite of another jerk with custom seat covers preventing us from hooking in the car seat and a cowardly misogynistic bastard in the taxi company's management giving gd grief

two sets of kids coughing openly over everyone, a relieving checkup (mr smear didn't have an ear infection), subway dinner and another disturbing taxi driver on the way home

a long chat with my mom, putting mr smear to sleep and crashing just before midnight 

wednesday 2nd:

excitingly positive 5am chats, followed by broken naps, followed by a VERY exciting interview with a recruiter with a computer science background - leaving for work very upbeat
mr smear's activity thingy is such a good investment i regret not having bought one sooner

sprint task grooming failure and the threat of an official warning if we continue to follow instructions (?!)
a tough day refactoring bad hacking, some lunchtime limbo progress (that game is frikkin' *scary*) and my manager setting up xdebug for me which is pretty darned useful

taking wife-food (soylent) home and being quite impressed, mr smear seems to be getting ready to sleep later rather than sooner

thursday 3rd:

midnight hunger fed dry tortillas, a long night with a very uncomfortable mr smear

plotting with dirk diggler in the morning, then rushing off to work

the sad story of the dropped bagel, the relief at solving the mystery, limbo is seriously dark and grim
slow and steady progress, rushing out early but not early enough to shop on the way
mr smear sleeping for daddy-time with abe's exoddus, pleasant post-rain shopping weather, gd's delicious dinner and struggling to get him to sleep before 23.40 :(

feeling like i'd earned my midnight double-stuffed fudgee-o vanilla chai dessert

friday 4th:

another rough night, getting to sleep in a little and having some particularly powerful tool moments (holding mr smear during parabol + parabola was a highlight), mr smear discovering his tongue and playing patty cake

office desk moving day, infrastructure mysteries ($ signs in passwords is a very bad idea, using node.js's forever module is a very good idea), lunch money, computer gremlins, everyone leaving early for the company christmas party and letting me finish the work week on a good note

another disappointing supermarket not stocking items after we finally found them...

a long chat with my mom - details, very exciting - gd making me a great dinner and my manager's message letting me know that i'd won an apple watch in the christmas party draw. last year he received a (very nice) watch for five years' service while one of the team picked up an xbox, this year i'm picking up an amazing watch... where's the incentive to stay long term? in the perks and benefits that are neither perks nor benefits? in the lack of a pension plan?

saturday 5th:

decent sleep though not very much, slowly starting the day, a haircut!, seriously napping, freezing teething ring delight (even if only for a minute)
shopping assistant in my personal space

sunday 6th:

from rls to a back spasm, a horrible night's sleep, early morning bath, the doctor visit (and the relief when both taxis hadn't blocked their car seat clips), the scary choking getting in the second taxi, knowing we need to feed mr smear animal products to avoid allergies

quick rest, gd's haircut and brief shopping mission, waiting for the babysitter, another emergency shopping mission, mr smear having none of anyone but gd and me (four traumatized individuals), trying to turn the evening into a date night and failing

monday 7th:

there's nothing like capping a full night's sleep with a password policy disaster and an emergency run to the pharmacy to make me late for work

morning: IT fails
lunchtime: csgo fails and one minute of monkey island special edition
afternoon: a long, hard refactoring slog with eventual success but then getting an urgent get-home-now call in the middle of a complex set of changes

of course mr smear calmed down while i was on my way home

tuesday 8th:

definitely not getting a full night's sleep, giving up at 6am, having a nice breakfast with gd and doing some chores before leaving early

unboxing my apple watch on my way out and being disappointed to learn that it doesn't come fully charged

working a stupidly long day doing great stuff and then being ditched by an important resource before we were ready for delivery

a calm night, moving slowly and playing with my apple watch

wednesday 9th:

midnight heating failure
damaged foot from old shoes, a fairly pleasant morning made awesome when the only place mr smear could get comfortable was on my chest, waking up well after our nap together

a very long day trying to finish the now-past-deadline project, an awkwardly disappointing myo demonstration, leaving late carrying 27lbs of wife-food, oblivion attempt #3, heavy garbage day, falling asleep on my feet

thursday 10th:

the 4.30am fudgee-o's
the 6.30 i-gotta-run-so-sorry wakeup which was fortunately followed by another hour's sleep and some slow, relaxed baby-gas release until gd returned
a little bit more oblivion, becoming a very interesting movie indeed, and a rushed but pleasant (making it particularly hard to say goodbye) send-off (mr smear playing with the ipad is very entertaining)

new functionality + finding issues before the QA team = a rushed day winning
playing with the leap motion over lunch and inspiring my new teammate with my fifteen year old idea

leaving later than planned for my weekly appointment and discovering that epicure doesn't do cash-back when i desperately need it (dumping all the shit i would've happily bought otherwise on the cashier)

omg i wish i'd been recording his cleverness; walking out surprisingly emotional

not-quite dinner (the central dish tasted funny), a highly amusing mr smear making interesting noises, the rest of oblivion - what a brilliant film!

code review frustration turning to inspiration

friday 11th:

4.30am restlessness
falling with mr smear and landing on gd :(

"leave the retards alone" fight

i know i don't understand temperature because 10 degrees in montreal feels like 20 in cape town and i'm comfortable in just a shirt.

a long day filled with frustrations, including throwing half of my lunch break at trying to figure out how to call a police station that seems to already be on holiday

a sleepy evening with the latest the ultimate fighter season (great fighters!), falling asleep on my feet,

saturday 12th:

getting plenty of sleep but not feeling the effects, a slow morning, a productive shopping mission, coffee with godmother, a (singing?) mr smear, the alphabet song revisited, a sore arm from holding my son at the wrong angle for too long

sunday 13th:

handling a full scale midnight dis-ass-ter without waking gd

starting the day with (the vastly overpriced but thoroughly enjoyable) ufc 194
brother-in-law breakdown and out
fun time bath time but with a back injury
delicious vegan mac and cheese and sausages lunch (field roast ftw!)
the disappearing day without the planned family nap, horseman's dinner visit and playmat ocd and personal project reevaluation
falling asleep on my feet and literally walking into a wall

monday 14th:

waking up early, a slow morning and emergency shopping, being grateful that my brother-in-law is out of the picture after learning even more about him

an awful, stressed day broken only by non-lunch at eggspectation (the filter coffee was the only item on the menu i could stomache)

tuesday 15th:

midnight change stress, waking up to a serious headache and taking a sick day with my project in a state of emergency, feeling shitty but getting to spend a weekday playing with my son and resting a bit, a fantastic dinner that i barely got halfway through

wednesday 16th:

a surprisingly difficult night worried about nightmares and teething and mr smear's inexplicable discomfort lasting until we finally got him to sleep around 3 or 4am...

... a much improved morning, and both of us getting to see his first roll!! incredibly exciting stuff ^_^

a long, frustrating day at work as we wrestled with more infrastructure issues; being impressed with janus vr right until i tried to run it, a little bit of thomas was alone to soothe my brain, my lead unwittingly sabotaging my project before leaving and losing an hour to that

leaving work with a scratchy throat, dinner and taking out the garbage and not-very-funny funny videos

thursday 17th:

sleeping in fits and bursts, dreaming of hiking up a strange mountain trail, losing a gunfight because i couldn't reload the shotgun fast enough and fleeing through suburbia

exhausted morning, recalling that gd and i are both rob zombie fans, the insisty, the smell of rain and beer on the sidewalk

delivery day:  starting to enjoy the christmas vibe (we pretty much do the work we want for the next two weeks) while simultaneously stressing to get our project out the door on time... just making it!

leaving a little late for my weekly appointment

a very interesting meeting indeed

slow shopping, disappointing plastic bottle return failure, learning an important lesson on how to put mr smear to bed when he won't be held

friday 18th:

almost a month since my last confession and i'm beginning to think that my journal obsession may be something i should be reflecting on

working at holiday pace is an absolute pleasure, getting great work done without pressure, the madness of the dot instead of a comma

the excellent dinner in spite of gd's misgivings, hard teething ring worries, a generally slow night, moseying from zero to hero with mr smear sitting on my chest, the miraculous minutes-to-sleep technique followed by a grand feeling of peace and accomplishment accompanied by rls

... stretching + treasure island...

... being irrationally terrified when mr smear is fast asleep and breathing silently and too shallow to perceive in the dark...

saturday 19th:

double poop trauma morning, clinic junkie begging from patients before haunting the toilets, a sloth day inside, gd's last home haircut, the amazing home veggie burger muffin, harlock, durarara, zoo, the ultimate fighter, unruly upstairs neighbour idiots and their idiot friends

sunday 20th:

it's winter. in montreal. one would think our neighbours would at least be intelligent enough to know that the entrance door should be closed properly: we woke up to a freezing apartment and it's a good thing mr smear sleeps in our room because his room got the worst of it.

confronting the neighbours with awkward results, paperwork, pre-breakfast poop forcing a bath, chatting with mum and finally doing the shopping rounds but only after the day went from sunny and almost warm to dark and six below... mr smear's first *cold* mission and he was so tired when we returned that his usual sleepy wail became a brief murmur

a quick mission to home depot for an insulation cushion, coming home just in time to collect the grocery delivery while gd nursed and order great singapore noodles and flee the overheated living room; putting mr smear to bed at 7pm and praying it would last, finally experimenting with SxS's baby monitor and being really pleased

hahahahahaha... no. half an hour's peace followed by two or three hours of two exhausted parents and an excited baby

monday 21st:

the midnight feed. it's demoralizing when he finally goes to sleep, then wakes up crying two minutes later

another couple of tough wakeups followed by a rough start inspired by godmother's "gift", mr smear still inconsolable and a rushed run to the pharmacy leaving me late for work

failing to enter the office with my metro pass
an important, but painful piece of work requiring immense concentration and a better sleep schedule that took most of the day to get halfway through
heavy rain delaying my lunch break until i could hit the shops for baby clothes and shoes, coming home in the rain to relieve a badly nauseous gd, the baguette bag with two open ends surprise, leftovers and humming

tuesday 22nd:

feeling great after the first three straight hours' sleep in weeks

4am bad gas and foot injury trauma soothed by 5am dark chocolate truffle cashew ice cream (amazing flavour but unimpressive texture, i guess so delicious got lucky with their soy texture)

from restless to awake in one short cry, dealing with an overflow poop alone and making coffee before gd got out of bed, mr smear and the second cereal, the return of the babysitter (mr smear was much more receptive this time)

a long day, but getting the job done by the end (well, mostly)

chewing gum on the metro floor, winning half the battle

who wears the pants when discussing mr smear's nutrition? folding laundry

wednesday 23rd:

what could have been a decent night's sleep but wasn't
a disconnected morning followed by a heavy-hearted day

satisfying work progress

coming home to an emotional roller coaster, not quite the conversation i was hoping for, a shitty rainy shopping mission, a tough night and mr smear only falling asleep around midnight

thursday 24th:

t'was the night before christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse, for not one had survived the apocalypse

a warm and wet 14 degrees in montreal, kung fu panda tv series is great, my turn feeding mr smear cereal, a successful shopping trip and a relaxed afternoon

the ridiculous level of excitement from the overwhelming interest my illustrator job posting attracted in the first day

great dinner, scary cereal choking, serious pooping followed by an emergency bath that saw us using the actual bathtub for the first time

friday 25th:

quiet relaxing christmas, watching paul
my wife successfully hides easter eggs from herself on christmas (mini cheese wheels)
sound bar suicide

saturday 26th:

aggressive exhaustion from the early morning
a relentless day, taking a walk and realizing quickly that neither of us were up for it

have i mentioned zoo? it's a mostly-well written series and a lot of fun

lots of tears, poop up to the shoulders, a tough evening followed by

sunday 27th:

a tough night with mr smear generally uncomfortable. i'm now sitting on the edge of the bed avoiding passing out so that he can sleep on his belly

Saturday, November 21, 2015

time flying

monday 9th:

leaving on time when trying to leave an hour early

losing twenty minutes of lunch to a particularly slow cashier at babies r us

a meeting called to encourage the other team's mediocrity (during which i absolutely lost any respect i had for either of my managers), followed by a meeting to introduce my design to someone who already knew that the project would be frozen

coming home to take over for gd, managing to get the laundry done, change him, feed him and unintentionally put him to sleep with bob marley before gd returned to make a delicious dinner; we chatted with my mom, then (theoretically) went straight to bed

tuesday 10th:

the new 2.30am thing is groping hands seeking the diaper and non-stop bicycle motions. 'cause when you need to clean a bouncing baby after midnight, you want it to be as challenging as possible

not being able to get back to sleep for a while because i was so deeply disturbed by nifty's apology to the idiots who fucked up "for not acknowledging their contribution"; i would ask for a transfer to another team if i didn't worry that i might end up being pushed out altogether

sleeping badly, the carrier rescuing the morning, keeping myself occupied until pointless meeting time, bug hunting and the 5pm lunch break during which i learned that my initial understanding of the residence application procedure was correct

leaving the office late, coming home for a shopping outing, leftovers and passing out at the first opportunity

wednesday 11th:

gd with nerve pain and vain clients with zero sympathy? enough.
mr smear with painful gas

that special kind of anxiety when you have a small child at home and someone in the elevator begins to cough

whatever day, donating more clothing, nap attack at 2pm
the big cheese meeting preceded by my lead making a pathetic play for credit, followed by strategizing, followed by a small cheese meeting, followed by an investigation which saw nox backing me up when my manager was importantly making a very bad call.

salad shopping, p.m., high on life, garbage day, freaky filming cops footage, a serious shower

thursday 12th:

3.45am miracle burp
both times tough waking up, the second spent nursing coffee and observing farts until gd returned from an appointment
the company's "town hall": edifying, not as boring as expected. heavy pushap lunch, nem (i've begun thinking of him as the cowardly lion) being brought in to a discussion he was even less adequate for than usual, managing to sway the jury towards node.js and making good, fast progress before leaving without an umbrella to walk to the metro in rain that stopped just as i arrived

great salad and worst cook (vinnie turns out to be a totally shit person), exhaustion and passing out as soon as possible

friday 13th:

sirence! slow, relaxed waking; palms in the background, sleeping tucked in to my ski jacket on the metro

enjoyable work and good progress
paris attacked
sleep schedules and a great dinner followed by a very unhappy boy

saturday 14th:

a very cold night with the heating not set correctly, too exhausted to hold mr smear, a nightmare of him being left with a group of tourists

introduction to armikrog (so far: awesome!), a long day with a difficult-to-please mr smear, cancelling laser at the last minute, heavy shopping delivered, gd's version of my salad making mine look bad, struggling with's fight pass and then ps3 youtube failure to live streaming (?!?!), setting up a solution and then realizing what a bad idea hosting the evening with a small child is

sunday 15th:

an absolutely relentless mr smear from the moment he opened his eyes; going from supercharged to depleted in a few short hours, enjoying ufc fight pass, rushed chinese take-out and making an effort to get him to nap at 5.30 / 6-ish

monday 16th:

aside from a feed, he slept through to 1am! another feed, an impossible air bubble, then finally getting him back into his crib around 2am
it's a different kind of difficult waking up from a lot more sleep than you're used to, continuing to watch the first season of the ultimate fighter (drawing inspiration to get back into training) and trying to be helpful by volunteering to change mr smear on my way to work, but that backfired as he proceeded to void his bowels and bladder simultaneously when i was just getting ready to put the new diaper on... someone clearly felt that he needed a bath, the big satisfaction being that i'd been correct when anticipating that bathing him the night before would be a mistake...

a day lost to a bad pattern choice, a successful interim code review and discovering that babies r us is out of winter stock and has no plans to order more. it's november, wtf?!

cancelling game night on the way to game night, discovering that the next closest provigo is shutting down before the end of the year

the tail end of a long day with a grouchy, vocal mr smear, managing to get him to sleep a *little* bit earlier than usual

tuesday 17th:

another busy morning, cabin fever rearing its ugly head and leaving an hour late for work

horrible lunch

fortunately making short work of my tasks because the babysitter ran late and gd almost cancelled an important appointment before i told her i was coming home; good thing she eventually arrived because i got stuck in the metro, and also because it gave me an opportunity to accompany gd

a couple of hours watching the next few episodes of the ultimate fighter through virtual fingers as i tried to get mr smear to sleep at a reasonable time, choosing to crash over eating when finally presented with the opportunity

wednesday 18th:

turning a heating disorder into the end of the world and learning about humility, waking up with a stiff neck and leaving for work without breakfast; good pita za'atar and a long day making good progress, although the demo i prepped for never happened

a most disgusting lunch, leaving late with pizza waiting and very little appetite... possibly a good thing as the pizza was absolutely foul - i've never thrown out an entire pizza before.

two or three hours of trying desperately to get mr smear to sleep so that i could take out the trash, shower and brush my teeth before falling over from exhaustion

a big discussion begins about going home

thursday 19th:

3.30am another unnecessary change followed by an hour deconstructing bad expression

waking up dreaming to a seriously uncomfortable little boy, introducing my mother to the aforementioned big discussion, walking out before realizing that my hair looked completely ridiculous

so excited to find thai delight that i forgot to pick up anything else

a long day with an exciting finish: my project's coming in elegantly and under budget, i feel like yelling "look, ma, no hacks" at the rest of the team.

play time, good dinner, the ultimate fighter, tea next to an open window while it was pouring with rain

friday 20th:

early morning reality check, half an hour failing to setup my pc so i could work from home

a phenomenally stupid decision taken by nifty and understanding that it's not my problem*; my concern every time nem opens his mouth that someone might actually believe that he isn't just throwing out buzzwords was allayed by my manager agreeing with me when he learned why my eyeballs were rolling

* although the justification for that decision is that my project failed last quarter, and that only failed because he put assholes on the job and not because the design wasn't good

leaving for the weekend in the middle of a complex refactor, bringing it in with some house music, another evening spent putting mr smear to sleep (10pm, a slight improvement)

saturday 21st:

1am gas struggles, 4am candle failure (dollarama wick surprise, very dangerous) leading to changing mr smear leading to needing to clean his hair again

not getting nearly enough sleep, then overcompensating with coffee and not being able to nap when i got a chance

some links i need to post

isil is weak, stop helping them

legal lsd treatments

canada begins to crawl out of the cannabis dark ages

Saturday, November 14, 2015


i've seen so much ugliness in my feed following last night's attacks in paris; islamophobia, islamism, it's-not-us-but-we're-not-condemning-anything-either, co-opting (gun control? climate change???) and even gloating by those proven "right" [see what i did there?]

dear france: what a horrible ordeal, my thoughts are with you.

dear rest of the world: multiculturalism? pluralism? these only work if everybody's on board. and if you let people fall through the cracks, if you don't maintain good relations, if you don't effectively punish anyone who crosses the line, on any side of the line, if you accept bullying (whether cultural or physical)... you're playing a part in the destruction of any chance of going forward in a positive manner.

if you must stick to simple narratives, then stop playing semantic games and just go to war already.

Monday, November 09, 2015


saturday 24th:

diaper sizing, the mall exhaustion, tekken beer and expectations, horseman tekken evil apples cfsw 2015

sunday 25th:

two extremely tough wakeups feeling cotton wool broken, a day started with firefly, a failed attempt at a hard problem (being totally preoccupied with mr smear and his newfound ability to play with toys); inviting godmother for coffee, a short shopping mission, empire of the sun, pinching nerves, rls and kind of not eating very well.

monday 26th:

midnight express to an awkward morning

extreme exhaustion and a lack of prep combined for less than ideal interviewing conditions. i thought i might pass in spite of them but i wasn't holding my breath...

nox accompanying me home from the supermarket

win: mr smear hyper alert and communicating! not-so win: him continuing to be hyper-alert and communicating until way past bedtime.

tuesday 27th:

his first night in the crib, his joy at being changed at 4am and his singing along to a lullaby melody instead of falling asleep to it

still wasted and becoming increasingly certain that i was ill during monday's intense interviews

a long day at work, giving up on symfony but at least being satisfied by my efforts' side effects; good cs:go

car seat adjustments to go to the doctor, an uncomfortable visit, the taxi home taking forever and not having safety clips, an urgent pharmacy run and exhausted eating and sore feet and back and neck.

wednesday 28th:

mr smear's discomfort, sleeping in a little, not doing anything remotely chore-like

dealing with outsourced errors, taking cs:go into competitive space, discovering laraval and being impressed

that moment when you sit down on the metro, cold and rain-drenched, and realize that you *did* have an umbrella after all

stomach cramps, a pharmacy run, big dinner and mr smear's accomplishments

thursday 29th:

a great morning after... mr smear slept through the night! getting stuff done in spite of a severely pinching nerve

a long day at work but productive, cs:go demolition intro and not bad. leaving late with sore eyes and blurry vision

learning that i bombed in the interviews, feeling disappointed that i didn't postpone (i should have known better, but you know when you're ill and you make bad decisions?)

feeling a little better, mr smear going to sleep at his regular hour and giving me a chance to shower and tidy up a bit while gd alternated between feeding him and trying to sleep off feeling really horrible

friday 30th:

mid-night waking taking hours, difficulty getting up in the morning and feeling slow, stupid and off-balance

half an hour's lunch wasted on discovering that the company lunch did not include a single vegan-friendly options

an emergency rescue from thinks-he's-a-senior's major league screwup, another unwitting inappropriately loud and aggressive tone towards my manager

rushing out early and manic
wii setup, the almost-crawl, serious cries, absolute wipeout

saturday 31st:

saturday morning cartoons, putting in our other wedding rings, babies 'r us washroom feed and change, the walmart mission and buying better stuff than we thought, getting new wedding rings because the ones we've been carrying around since we got married turned out to be shit quality, back home hungry, wii setup mostly satisfactory, chinese delivery, the flash and two sore, tired parents putting mr smear to sleep

sunday 1st:

awkward with new hac and anxious with him and pg's reminder to hurry with my side of closing my israeli bank account
the wonders of having my own carrier, the day whizzing by with zero accomplishments and then the babysitter arriving and realizing i'd been neglecting to eat until just before we left for the slam

one of the most important elements of spoken word is the concept of "safe space". it's important for the artist on stage, it's important for the audience off stage. even though this is not the first time i've seen it, it's hard to believe that some people can have such a blatant disregard for others' space to the point where they become aggressive when asked (after many meaningful stares failed) to stop interfering with everyone's enjoyment of the evening. and of course, if you stand up to bullies *you* become the bad guy...

monday 2nd:

leaving early for the code rescue operation and working right through the day (and lunch) to deliver, making it just before rushing home for a few hours of beers and game planning with mr smear being amazing until just before it was time to call it a night
he's not an ambiturner [correction: he's the next two or three days we were very disciplined about correcting the problem until we learned that he's just fine]; a mini-breakdown

tuesday 3rd:

finally taking advantage of the 4/5am feed and change to call the israeli social insurance agency and find out that they *did* receive my documents and they *did* process them correctly and i *don't* owe them anything anymore - although if i want to claim the approximately $300 or so that they owe me i'll have to work for it. meanwhile, i could finally tell pg to close my bank account there and we can get started on shipping my documents and mr smear's books and comics...

i also took the opportunity to send my resume off to one of the guys from our resurrected weekly game, and learned from my mother about teeter frames which looked like a bloody good investment until our osteo weighed in...

in the morning gd and i agreed that she's going to stop working from home and we're going to take advantage of her workspace by using it to perform the triage we've been intending since long before mr smear was born...

it was INCREDIBLY hard to say goodbye, mr smear is so ridiculously cute and he just took it up a notch while playing with his little plush cow (about half his size), he's really starting to communicate

one stupid bug and lots of cleanup
nutrition research arguing and evil apples over team lunch, not a bad experience
welcoming the new team lead to my nightmare, only this time both managers and myself are on the same page

$60 for a delivery? no.

two wiped out parents trying to get an early night, late pizza

wednesday 4th:

starting the day with reopened wounds while trying to deal with some tough stuff, first steps and a little bit of healing after sunday night's poetry encounter

running half an hour late after engaging mr smear with animal noises and songs so that gd could make a phone call

a day of debugging, a break for surprisingly unspiced briyani at cafe royale, mysterious caching troubles and yet another lesson in why doctrine is awful

wooden pizza slices and rushing home to the rescue, clinic mission and shopping and trying to eat dinner but mr smear freaking out and only gd able to calm him

thursday 5th:

4am garbage day glory and the fourth night in a row struggling to get the heating right. leftover pizza and evil apples. being forcibly ejected from deep dreamland by the distinctive sound of poop shooting straight up mr smear's back.

a long time at the oshkosh store, wondering if i shouldn't have jumped in on a conversation i overheard to say "clothing is a terrible gift"

naming day: nox and nem are the perfect teamup of destructive practices and negligence

a good chunk of security design done

home to an improved situation, all good until bedtime when he seemed hungry but i was so exhausted that by the time i'd done shambling and prepped formula he was fast asleep

friday 6th:

end of dream one: gd and i in a rental car avoiding police keeping up with us in reverse to see my seatbelt unfastened, we stop in a downpour and i stand waiting for her as she drives into water almost to the roof and miraculously manages to get out but loses control and returns; eventually getting free

end of dream two: the asian artist frisbeeing pasta strainers under frogs, ducks on water bikes

tummy time with tool and mr smear passing out to forty six and two with his left hand making devil horns

a relatively relaxed day at work, somewhat disappointing cs:go and a long trek to donate clothing and handle returns

leaving early on a good note, friday night shutdown with mr smear being very chilled while gd was out

evil apples: paying for the mega pass. for each of us. because we have gotten a LOT of pleasure from playing it.

saturday 7th:

a beautiful morning, walking to bleuet for probably the last time, upside-down nachos, passing out for one song while gd bathed mr smear and getting up zombified to help and run out to the satay brothers (which we just learned is very close)

there's nothing like gd thoroughly enjoying a meal before discovering she's allergic to something in it, forced into a second outing instead of napping 

coming home to an attempt to eat dinner interrupted by a series of unfortunate incidents that left me in a panic and mr smear covered in poop; he was definitely the only one to find the situation at all amusing...


dreaming: participating in a spy / commando reality show and realizing that my partner had faked his credentials

a good sunday morning clearing living space in the living room, getting gd set up with the wii and filing a substantial section of our documents, then being distracted until my back began to ache from carrying mr smear; removing the now no-longer-functional baby swing and beginning the long-overdue triage

a productive afternoon and the most glorious evening's walk, coming home to a needy mr smear, an emergency shopping expedition, great burgers following gd's instructions, a lot of evil apples, futurama, nerve pinching, putting mr smear to sleep with high tone


rough wakeup to an uncomfortable mr smear and a repeat performance (on his end, i was better this time) of saturday night's not-joy; tool and breakfast while watching him sleep on his belly (it's bloody inconvenient that sleeping this way needs to be monitored, he's way more comfortable)

getting ready to go to work early because we're getting used to surprises...