questioning discrimination

i really am looking for answers here, so if you're somewhat educated on the topic and not about to explode with rage, please leave a comment!

---so, muslims: islam is a religion, and i believe in freedom of religion. islam is also a set of values that i personally don't agree with, but as a pluralist i'm willing to accept those values on condition that they don't interfere with mine and that nobody is unwillingly subjected to suffering because of them.

my question, as a pluralist who wants to live in a pluralist society: can muslim values cooperate with mine? is the extremism that we've all been seeing for the last decade or few something that most muslims tacitly agree with? or is it something that most muslims disagree with but are not willing or able to stand up to?

if it's the latter, is there some way for us all to cooperate in fighting it?
or are we playing a waiting game, and when the time is right one day we'll be subject to a revolution? i've heard all sorts of things from all sorts of people, i truly don't know what to believe.

nobody should be subjected to discrimination based on their faith, their origin or their genetic makeup. but behaviour-based discrimination when one's chosen society's values are threatened? kinda seems justified. a great difficulty that pluralist society has is that it prioritizes listening to the values of others over defending itself, and that's a value that we're all very proud of but that puts us in danger from non-pluralist values.

is there any way to distinguish between moderate, peace-loving muslims and those who aren't? i know a lot of muslims who i'm only too happy to share my home and my country with.

...

having said that, i'm still disturbed by the conversation i had in india with a muslim man who was studying comparative religion, who very politely explained to me that the only way for us to overcome our differences would be for one of us to die. i'm praying that he was an incredibly rare case of idiot.