Friday, October 31, 2014

whirlwinds of fortune

gcc update headaches, not thinking about the many better ways to go about things... so a seriously wasted morning

shadowrun returns: half my team killed, and only afterwards discovering that i could have hacked the gun turrents... and still deciding to continue play and not restart? what's happening to me? if i die, will i just start again?

i'll probably just start again. i've learned that strength is good, but violence accompanied by hacking skills is *AWESOME*.

the rest of the day delivered more and more frustration, with broken apps and weird behaviour unrelated to code and not under my control. and i really shouldn't have argued with big junior without triple-checking first.

kickboxing: i just remembered what training feels like. it's the moment after class, as in hours after, when my arms suddenly stop responding to instructions and everything becomes magically heavier.

it's SOOOOOO good to be back! all that poetry really took it out of me :P


i totally forgot about my signing bonus. i just got a serious payslip because i've passed my probation and it's enough to cover my visa charges! i still need to be conservative, but i can breathe a lot easier now.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

prematurely ready for the weekend

it's getting even harder to get out of bed now...

gd's forgotten keys really screwing up the morning plan

to the heartless busker: if you're not enjoying the music then we're not going to either

metro evacuation for smoking car... of course...

salt and vinegar chips in lieu of the morning bagel

a whole day of wtf.

it's nice that my manager's super supportive but i really want to be getting on with things and every step i take's raising new obstacles. most of them caused by others' shitty code.

finally back in class! solid, solid class. the dude i pissed off a couple of weeks ago just ignored me, which is cool. i'm feeling all pumped up and ready for tomorrow night :)

[except for the pinching nerve :( ]

even quick shopping takes half an hour, but that's not *so* bad...

a lot of work into a delicious dinner, then downton abbey now that gd's getting into it

... post-victoria frustrations...

suspicions: is the bed bad for me?
quiet, awkward morning

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

just tuesday

suddenly grateful for not having had to take trash out during the cold months before

yesterday's doctor's call to say all's good was nice, especially pleasing to note that my iron levels are good!

a long day including a code review and feeling weak just when i was ready to get back into training...

working late and incredibly frustrated after finding a humbling set of bugs that i somehow overlooked

batman forever's fun. silly, but fun.

the new beard trimmer's a pleasure. learning to use an exfoliating glove is weird. if the laser hair removal is as successful long-term as it's looking now i'll be extremely pleased.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

in threes

monday morning cold head and hands stuffiness worry
voodoo fixes
health insurance!
elevators only going down

i feel it's kinda wrong that shadowrun returns is so intense. i just forgot to blink for about forty minutes.

team infrastructure upgrades waste time but show otherwise hidden software vulnerabilities
super tired afternoon
more infrastructure hassles because it decided we don't need remote access to our machines anymore... or not, the it guy went just as crazy over things not working as we did

three separate issues all happening simultaneously just to drive me nuts

relaxing, french movies

Monday, October 27, 2014

weekend news


too-beautiful short nap
stunning cold day
offering hours to vfmp's moving on a day i need rest
high intensity laser but definitely better than before 
coffee, olive loaf and the end of this month's wired
hard shopping, seriously ugly autumn gloves
jus jugo juice's might kale for a mighty lunch
a positive bluetooth experience
i *thought* i was going to rest or game, but instead i had friends to help out... the *idea* of decompression is a tease!
adorable pig in a carriage 
godmother nutrition store mission and an interesting chat over coffee about poetry, fundamentalism and immigration
my first proper hands-free experience ordering delivery in the rain while listening to music 
labor day is awesome
great but early night


great late sleep
selling stuff online
midi 6 strike two
livesafe hydrant
printer frustrations
the forgotten wallet part two
why does everyone keep calling at the same time, when i specifically tagged "text, don't call"? and if the ad is in english, why are you surprised that i don't speak french?
bra shopping
yoga mega-fail
printer man early? he can wait.

hating on rodin after seeing the rest of camille claudel - her descent was one of the most heart-breaking movie scenes i've seen

chores and almost early to bed

today so far:

not much, but still leaving later than desired.


now weighing in on jian ghomeshi - because i have just as much info as the rest of you: i've now "liked" a status defending him because his private life should have nothing to do with his professional, and "liked" another one because the chances of him being unfairly accused by four or five women are pretty slim. now i'm going to ignore all the rest of your posts and be vaguely curious about what the justice system decides. i'm sure future articles will have many more facts and details, and in the meanwhile i have my own business to mind. thanks for filling my feed with his face, i didn't know who he was until now and i still don't really care.

a little bit of linkage

elon musk is awesome.

according to this (and a whole lot of other thises) the flu vaccine's actually a good idea.

it's funny, but nystire sent me a python infinite monkey script just after hac sent me the following quote: the internet is the ultimate monkeys and typewriters experiment.

everything about the way we teach math is wrong

seriously cool lazy math

interracial marriage versus gay marriage

i've been blowing my nose wrong?

Saturday, October 25, 2014

saturday morning

dreaming about a racism story at work that got a man hissed, but everyone was speaking in french so i don't understand what he said only that it was entirely inappropriate

how could it be so impossibly difficult to get out of bed? getting up still asleep 

not an efficient morning at all
random shit going wrong all day
feeling awful when leaving, slow-motion shopping

no time to decompress due to a fucking FIG allergy, fortunately the hives disappeared quickly with the benadryl i ran on my shitty knee to get...

mike birbiglia: what i should have said was nothing is great

early crash, toughing up to wake up early, do dishes, make breakfast and help search for gd's lost underwear bag which appears to have been left in victoria


now for a quick pre-laser rest

Friday, October 24, 2014


oversleeping badly but enjoying it so much - epic dreaming i can't recall

introduction to mgmt and excitement about hido maybe getting to the unity reunion too

ottawa shooting responses, 21 gunmen salute and muslims need to be offensively against not defensive

solid work
shouldn't have said fun with a capital FU but nobody said anything 

walmart electronic / kariot shopping in the rain
muslims feeling oppressed? does islam share pluralist values?

first pick during office move?
making up hours and a strong finish for the day
ihome type pro: great keyboard, hinge defect disasterous
fantastic salad dinner and some né quelque part


seriously wobbly legs

questioning discrimination

i really am looking for answers here, so if you're somewhat educated on the topic and not about to explode with rage, please leave a comment!

so, muslims: islam is a religion, and i believe in freedom of religion. islam is also a set of values that i personally don't agree with, but as a pluralist i'm willing to accept those values on condition that they don't interfere with mine and that nobody is unwillingly subjected to suffering because of them.

my question, as a pluralist who wants to live in a pluralist society: can muslim values cooperate with mine? is the extremism that we've all been seeing for the last decade or few something that most muslims tacitly agree with? or is it something that most muslims disagree with but are not willing or able to stand up to?

if it's the latter, is there some way for us all to cooperate in fighting it?
or are we playing a waiting game, and when the time is right one day we'll be subject to a revolution? i've heard all sorts of things from all sorts of people, i truly don't know what to believe.

nobody should be subjected to discrimination based on their faith, their origin or their genetic makeup. but behaviour-based discrimination when one's chosen society's values are threatened? kinda seems justified. a great difficulty that pluralist society has is that it prioritizes listening to the values of others over defending itself, and that's a value that we're all very proud of but that puts us in danger from non-pluralist values.

is there any way to distinguish between moderate, peace-loving muslims and those who aren't? i know a lot of muslims who i'm only too happy to share my home and my country with.


having said that, i'm still disturbed by the conversation i had in india with a muslim man who was studying comparative religion, who very politely explained to me that the only way for us to overcome our differences would be for one of us to die. i'm praying that he was an incredibly rare case of idiot.

Thursday, October 23, 2014



3am urine sample thinking it was closer to 7am. oops :(

cold, wet garbage day and fairly smooth lots-of-blood taking

decent morning
locked out of my account just before lunch
even it are laughing about their password policies
helping big junior
making good progress
early for university

two poets walk into a neuroscience symposium
als awareness - ptsd connection
clinical trial hopelessness
simple model with e. elegans giving hope - antipsychotic??
huntington's and witch burning

dry lips...
miso soup!
amazing salad!
explaining "conjointe" in english just doesn't sound as good


roger rabbit-like dreams trying to find safety in a video game landscape with minefields

slow to get up, chilled
pinched nerve AND bad shoulder, hurrah

unintentionally damping big junior's thunder because i'd already done the amazing thing he prototyped
sagirl / gd broken telephone headaches
good start but then blocked by craziness, figuring out just in time

leaving work early to wait half an hour  only to hear that all the planning headaches were for nothing and i could've gotten my hours in

lola rosa: brilliant meal if a bit pricey. managed to avoid darn

unity reunion tickets! and important resolutions...

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

milestones achieved

1. returning from the cfsw, having gained far more than winning

2. not only passing my probation period at work, but essentially receiving an hour of positive feedback


exhaustion and frustrations and not enough sleep

trying to get a handle on how meaningful my stage time was, in my head still totally at the festival and holy crap waking up early on a montreal cold morning is rough
french exam registration
relaxing morning

work success! and probation review!

why has my knee been hurting the last couple of weeks?

tightening up the code


"i hope you get a ticket asshole", the cashier shouted at the back of the man who ignored her warning

my toronto cousin's slam approval and suggestion to send it to other members of the family

serious online poetry scene feels and community building after fasting after a wonderful gd-cooked meal

really early bedtime

Monday, October 20, 2014

the thing


groovy morning for a post-fire-alarm meeting
pre-flight pre-finals tasks
lunch, resting, managing to find a cheap folding chair in time!
slight nerves and wobbly pieces

i'm not worried about choking on stage... i'm worried about NOT choking

amazing feature poets, ikenna onyegbula blew our minds
incredible crazy night with two intense performances
amazing reception for role models


from intense high to intense low
weird not-enough sleep, final packing and dealing with demons over 5am coffee in the dark

stupidly miserable morning with ridiculous, ugly coincidences, pet peeves and aspie triggers


long flight, eye infection + sore stomache
kind-of-helpful rides and sockets without electricity
pizza, poetry and trying to wrap my head around everything

Saturday, October 18, 2014


early morning strategy
a crashed party, causing another (quick) fight and then a long talk about ideology and social responsibility 
shopping, a talk with rabbit, resting and cider and a wrap at the tapas bar while preparing for undies

an unfortunate case of bad seating keeping gd from seeing me get up on stage for the first time this festival. great competition and four of us managing to get it right enough to get us into the finals!

link to see the semifinals:
(ours is the second bout, but both bouts are filled with incredible poetry)

our captain's decision to put me up meant one of our team was left in tears. awkward.

undies: my initiation into a secret siblinghood with a piece that didn't get me past the first round but had poets seeking me out to thank me for it ^_^
[the fact that there were no mics and everyone was in a circle made it that much easier to *really* perform]

returning in the middle of the night to an angry miscommunication that was fortunately cleared up quickly, munching and reviewing some pieces and crashing


today: waking up to a surprise nonsensical pain that i'm praying won't distract me from tonight's performance

Friday, October 17, 2014


wednesday (catharsis day):

in writing, in resting, in bed, in poetry
sheri-d wilson bringing the house down
amazing ramen
an incredible night of slam, one of our weaker performers pulled through but the other dropped us down to third



long sleep and tears in poetry
hiphophypocracy and quick walks to not-coffee
sheri-d safe space and more tears
vegan buffet gorging
giving a war on drugs history lesson to the guy at the headshop
inspiring asian representation
a poetic walk around with coffee and a poetic hotel room break before seeing two AMAZING bouts of slam, some of the hardest, grittiest most beautiful poetry we've ever seen; really making us all want to be better

first real nerves for tomorrow night's "undies" and preparing to go head to head with rabbit

canadian apology washroom

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

the test

the not-so-good breakfast-making capabilities plus ranting to the team about about el jones and gd and i learning that we need better "let's go" signals

good meeting, minus me trying to put a dot on halogen's page which turned out to be an offensive thing to do

milling around, settling into a groove

good soup and stories
safer spaces
underground victoria part three fail
confronting ideological boundaries with a poet laureate and agreeing to disagree 
huge fight about misunderstandings with powerful moment of clarity
underground victoria part four win and learning about legitimate parallels

[bringing about the end of the world, missing my first bout. getting a message to say our team won the bout.]

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

opening ceremoniously

love and explosions
slow, exhausted morning
passing so many cool places, settling at wild coffee and bistro

not-sushi delicious but kinda disappointing for not being large quantities of sushi

awesome grocery shopping in victoria (though a tad expensive for montrealers)
uncovering the mysteries of underground victoria part two

rabbit in the wild coffee barrista's headlights

sore hand writing for team chapbooks

awesome opening ceremony... right until everyone's favourite youth laureate el jones. aside from her habit of yelling into the mic, one of her pieces took her usual (justifiably) angry ranting into racist territory. her point was arguably correct, but her expression was essentially hate speech.

gd and me: a surprise big issue that made the words "fighting tenderly" go together

last chance slam: unbelievably high level, sprinkled with one or two omfg-what-craps. not only gd can't deal with the event center's chairs. our new friend from the airport kicked ass all the way into first place :)

hotel room toilet fail. talking deep into the night. sleeping absolutely wonderfully.

Monday, October 13, 2014

west coast - first impression

good flight, lots of canada is surprisingly flat

jus jugo juice's mighty kale just won me over; decent lunch, a little airport stretching 

propeller plane seasickness and rls
victoria and surrounding islands are magnificent

picking up a last chance slam participant, a long taxi ride 

victoria first impressions positive, even with skid row 
there's something familiar and comforting about this place
tapas bar vegan delight and laid back live music

straight to bed for almost twelve hours

disappointed that k-twang's not coming out...

Sunday, October 12, 2014

taking off

friday night dinner fuckup... rescued with great indian
stuffed and tired and deadman wonderland 

a cozy and comfortable saturday morning
shadowrun online - i think i save too much, so far i've reloaded once and only because i didn't realize that chickening out (retreating) doesn't help

entering the clinic behind an older man on crutches who refused help and had to hop three flights of stairs because there're no elevators :/

opera in the waiting room i, for one, welcome our new digital overlords

great doctor, advised against prostate testing before 50 and with very convincing arguments

more shadowrun online a short nap and a pleasant visit to godmother's

vacation shopping (small progressive container!) and more shadowrun online waiting for gd to come home and fight about godmother

[the whole story just sucks]

showering, dinner and travel shopping (irresistible focaccia)

returning the movies two days late and trying to figure out how we both screwed that up

packing until 2am, waking up at 6am

walking in on gd properly cutting her own hair

unstressed final pack and clean and walking out into a gorgeous morning


there goes lunch! :'(
otherwise easy enough, getting through with 45 minutes to spare - odd moment because security dude used to work at my company and i'm wearing their shirt

airport ads on repeat really should be on mute
wired's edward snowden interview really unsettling

switching seat convenient jerk

Saturday, October 11, 2014

breathe in, breathe out

shame, rage, sigh kinda covers today's emotional rage. the first two began with me doing something entirely stupid and being called on it - i'm still ashamed and angry with myself - and ended up with bell for making my life difficult and making me pay out the nose for it.


gorgeous friday morning
chores and chatting
a little bit of late stress discomfort

godmother invite at an emotionally safe time

big junior on this / self / binding / events / callbacks

okay workout, learning a deep and shaming lesson on not interfering with tristar coaches while they're teaching
rule #1: don't be an asshole.
there's not much worse than unwittingly breaking that rule and only realizing when you're called on it. ‪#‎imgonnakeepmymouthundercontrolinthegym‬
bank shock: whoops! i forgot i had no cash...

pushap may be cheap and great, but waiting five minutes to pay was frustrating

i feelz i has the dumb today

not leaving until the job is done, still room for improvement but aside from still feeling like an asshole from earlier i'm at least ready to focus on cfsw / holidaying and nothing else


long lost linkage!

lab grown penises

i'm not alone! my favourite keyboard

microsoft is making a real-life holodeck

regular exercise is part of your job

apparently we shouldn't panic about ebola.
this says it best.

thanks, nystire:

TL;skimmed on feminism and adulthood

no need for alarm, we've probably got more time</sarcasm>

and i'll finish with an appropriate article: how to break the procrastination doom loop

Friday, October 10, 2014

mars one mit analysis

copywriter sent me a link to this really interesting analysis of mars one.

am i wrong in thinking that they really shouldn't be worrying about transporting spare parts, but should be 3D printing over there? and looking for ways to use the excess oxygen to produce ink...

drunk on a week whizzing by


shadowrun returns not noticing an hour fly by
a successful afternoon, ruined by insidiously difficult to find bugs
starbucks washroom desperation and remembering my reward *before* paying

totally awesome and desperately needed mic practice

mcc accompaniment and waxing political

vegan cookies! (freaky morning serendipity)

boondock saints and slam poetry


how the hell is it wednesday already?!
waking up in the dark to kitchen anguish, feeling what gd feels when i explode. planning for tonight's seether concert and strategizing for gd's work and health.

GREAT morning, although i could've done without forgetting my card again when it's raining. successful demo at a meeting!

if you take away the wind and the rain it's actually not a bad day outside - typed with freezing hands after walking far without a jacket

successful day
sasquatch catching me practicing performance
great seat, amazing montreal warmup (weird crowd) with crowdsurfing singing success

\m/ (>.<) \m/

... a "difficult" evening...
all's well that ends well


on skepticism and conspiracies, seether - fmlyhm underwear and system of a down

chilly but sunny

a long code review but a pleased boss
a long chat with mom in the supermarket
bitterly cold wind

what's better than huge complicated changes and realizing you haven't checked your code in after leaving the office? (o_O)
big junior's advice turned out to be exactly wrong

meeting sagirl at mont royal, too much alcohol... in only two beers?!

being a good boy and not playing shadowrun returns instead of getting a good night's sleep.

Tuesday, October 07, 2014

the darkness


successfully not snoozing in order to get to the office earlier
gd and invader zim
calling visa to be transferred to bank to be transferred to visa again
high tension gd work norms / work insurance morning

on the metro platform realizing i've forgotten my keycard %#?¥!
and a sore knee to boot?

hard morning but good achievement
newk'd on board

stabilizing, almost losing important changes due to a bad git reflex

leaving in a hurry for a meeting with the rabbi and not hitting the toilet first: made the metro, good! felt uncomfortable, bad!

both the rabbi and reform judaism in general are very welcoming

p.m. surprise appetites / yeh! kind-of disappointment

cranberries - stars in my head

camille claudel


once upon a time a bunch of misanthropes got together and decided that we should all wake up when it's dark and cold.
taking out the trash on garbage day when it's raining too?

gd ipad / amazon / comixology / facebook mess
gd's post-budget understanding that it's time to stop taking shit at work and time to start seriously exploring alternatives

leaving late again

mostly useless morning