Sunday, September 14, 2014

actually alive - summary and part ii

[... continued]

i got home for a quick refresh, tried and failed to use twilio to talk to my mum (just another example of the fine decision-making i've been doing), and found myself running late to get to the saq and pick up wine on my way. i walked out to surprising sweater weather, did some web development on my iphone while i walked, and remembered when i got there that i *hate* wine shopping. i know less about wine's categories than i do about weed's, and i know pretty much nothing about weed.

a man stormed through the metro car, disturbing quite a lot of people. i scowled at him, then cringed in disgust when i realized that he was sucking on his fingers and using them to hold the poles, then became fascinated and sympathetic when i realized that he's some degree of autistic and was managing to take the metro during peak hours. holy shit (O_o)

aside from my faux pas with a malt beer - the drinks weren't in an obvious place and so i grabbed the only thing i could find in the fridge, which was specially bought for the one person who couldn't consume alcohol - and a lot of awkwardness with vector, and then an hysterical incident in which gd shared something that disturbed one of godmother's friends enough to make him get up and walk away... so it was a pleasant yet significantly awkward evening. overall, it was fun.

[shit feelings of rejection, but i don't recall specifics]

---
friday 29th:

it was a good morning, but made uncomfortable by the discovery that one of my teammates (vapid) had forgotten that she'd taken on the responsibility of interacting with some fine folks who'd agreed to host us that evening. in retrospect, maybe i just shouldn't have said anything but then things started moving and suddenly there were only the two of us who could make it and we'd been invited as a team.

[a severe pause last a few days]

IT HAS BECOME APPARENT TO ME: that i cannot keep up with my own journal. i have been overloaded, exhausted and stressed by events unfolding in a way that makes me feel like i'm chasing my tail and every moment i would usually reserve for writing has been repurposed for everything else... anything else...

so i'm taking a break (officially versus de facto), dumping my notes and i'll either resume when i have space to breathe or find other forms of expression for my ocd event-gathering.


[notes]

bell pleasant cancellation services [seemingly, that fucker didn't change my address]
back to warm and sunny

meeting ejaculation: jokingly hissing "increase storage!" and having big junior jump on it because he's been saying it for ages

morning success
afternoon hours for first step

MAKING SHIT WITH GD WORSE

distraction and heartbreak
difficult end of week
making a decision hours too late, thinking about it and realizing that being a professional shouldn't have had to mean adding another layer of stress to an already fucked up week

a cup of coffee and a giant middle finger to the world for not giving a shit about what i want

radiohead - just at starbucks when it had been on my mind

p.m. pickup with clenched teeth
trevor noah - african american

---
saturday 30th august:

supertongue surprising us at our back door
finding a wasp's nest
finishing the move from my apartment and two pharmacy visits for her insteps
woman's underwear in the taxi driver's glove compartment
atwater satay fail then mushroom delight
mouth party floss mirror metro fall
meeting horseman at mcgill
long underground mission, switching shirts with horseman
missing popeye's by five minutes and it being the primary point of the mission
liquid nutrition second smoothie fail
home gd being clumsy
not exactly napping
iga run, indian delivery
rick and morty and exhaustion
...
ren and stimpy used to be on netflix :(

---
sunday 31st august

good dreams, ending with a big family event seeing sick uncle looking good and bursting into tears
twilio tweaking

gd family sensitivity explosion
jolly good brunch with godmother
a votre sante and then the pharmacy when in a hurry

just enough time to find lease
anxiety inducer: what is it with everyone constantly changing the rules of the game? why is the universe challenging me?

amazing orange surprise sorbet at yeh!
handover fail lie: provigo is *not* in front of the building
assignment done!!! (forgetting the kettle)

shopping at jean coutu getting revenge on shitty french-only woman and iga does deliveries
pinching nerve

salif keita - madan (exotic disco mix) - finally found the track!
long dinner process with cookies and root beer

jim jeffries - alcoholocaust some hysterically funny, some grim and clever, some disappointing

early night tired frustrated irritated

---
monday 1st september:

labour day much needed

dreams:
hundred of wormy leeches burrowed into my skin
pg's sister making me follow her for ages in order to tell me that pg's trying to get pregnant

gd-proofing the apartment
mushroom hunting - another gorgeous sunny day to be avoiding for my hair removal
too many haircuts, pinched nerves, gd music dropbox rescue, arranging things, twilio, sagirl, mom

twilio "good enough" for mom call
mom's horror story, a nightmare of theft not only of what she had, but the generation of super debt

OF COURSE the tim horton's where sagirl and i were meeting is closed
coffee, chinese, the village (sky pub)

back home, good talks
tons of spiders and discussing parktown prawns
the new jim jeffries

---
tuesday 2nd:

insanely loud construction early in the morning
twilio fix might not be ideal [actually, it's looking pretty good right now]
superhot in the metro waiting to renew my pass

burning hours in the boardroom
why do i forget sunscreen EVERY time i leave?
quick and easy $200 for furniture... whoops! forgot key deposit
twilio success
excessive multitasking, programming success, vm transfer fail and [apparent] ffmpeg bug [we'd figure it out eventually] convincing me that i need to get into github

reading my poetry at people taught me about stm subscriptions

hearing hebrew at epicure then russian at the walmart thinking it was hebrew
quick recycle bin shopping and almost losing my headphones having to carry it through the rain then gd shouting enthusiastically into my headphones when i hadn't put the volume down

out of the metro car and into a spiderweb??
rain iga mission
[hormones and potential excitement]
a comforting sense that winter's coming and it's going to be a good one
dinner, laundry, hiccup hysterics
bluetooth ipad keyboard

gd's aunt paralysed broken c4/c5 and reconnecting with family

early bed

---
wednesday 3rd:

3am, 5am shouting at supertongue not to snooze, gd "trouble sleeping", dreams interrupted midsentence and then me going back in time to redo the officer's course
dreaming a bad joke about cats sleeping outside and the oxford comma that can't be retold

gd comic collaboration agreement
gd finished saga vol 1 and is hooked on world war z

emails from slobodan not-quite milosevic
... realizing i've wasted half a day on vm issues...
comic test for one of my co-workers (hac)

staring dumbly at an android blindside
rough code review - big junior super-sensitive

surprise apartment juggling for friday handover

yawning and tiiiiired

hurried shopping forgotten nutritional yeast
urchin's exhibiting in jerusalem
ha - supertongue missed the ukraine festival by one week

of course the metro's stuck on me and my frozen goods
quick home run, then just missing two trains to get the the slam team meeting

starbucks servers: tiny girls with disproportionately large ears

it is so hard to listen to someone you don't respect as an artist
vapid's greeting touch making me uncomfortable

introducing gd to strip search

---
thursday 4th:

cool morning
comic site setup
gd and her friend discussing chinese astrology: when's the year of the luck dragon?

gorgeous hot sunny morning with a cool breeze

tell unfunnier jokes rather... i think i overdid it
work slow going, warcraft ii invite pressure
throwback thursday game, getting my ass kicked just like the old days

seether tickets acquired!

big junior's amazing find: ogv.js

i've never seen so many people brushing their teeth in the middle of the day before - i wonder if there's a literal kind of ass-kissing going on?

weather on is a cool app
aching hands and feet
absolute exhaustion, falling asleep at my desk, early third coffee

chicken and egg compilation, the difference 4gb of memory makes to a build
listening to techno feeling better

wasted again for kickboxing but working through dizziness

dehydrated, tired, knowing i gotta eat, dealing with "ovary acting" for the first time in my life

strip search

---
friday 5th:

farts of doom

phone alarm too quiet having to search for it

supertongue blaming a vegan diet she hasn't tried for gaining weight after a gluttonous long junk-food weekend made me angry

beautiful morning post-disturbing stomache, slightly better news from mom

super-quiet sunny streets and definitive weekend vibe, in spite of pinched nerve

good git morning
twilio progress while compiling
apartment handover / deposit cheque direct to pg

waste of compiling time

hac chat off the clock: not illustration but perhaps a climbing partner

twilio success, leaving just after the crazy thunderstorm

boxing coach abandoning us to his top guy and me to the man with the bum wrist, great class insane sweating made worse by metro heat and fast walk to get to masala palace before they closed, desperately needing the aircon and water and thoroughly enjoying the food (butter-free naan bread!)

gaming night resurrected at vfmp's

---
saturday 6th:

making the last metro
washable marker amusement (became a running gag)
laundry while overheating and twilio

great sleep
still muggy in the morning, waking up to big ugly bug climbing up my back

rained on, early poetry meeting and rabbit throwing water and just missing me

midi 6
not much rest, poetry soundcloud mom chat twilio fail

a horror story about a girl i went to school with who at age 34 finally found love and he was just killed in an accident

godmother visit, supertongue established as utterly weird
the dog's energy levels astounding

---
omg

the woman on the metro wearing giant headphones and staring straight ahead with stone-cold eyes while her kid screamed her little head off desperate for her attention, who didn't move until i'd glared at her furiously for at least fifteen seconds... everybody else pretending not to notice or smiling at me as if this was some kind of amusing "aw, shucks" kind of story.

it's so nice that they'll let just anyone breed, but loving parents desperate to adopt are turned away so easily.

---
mezuzot: on judaism and stories and barefeet and bare heads and pure hands and intentions

and real rest. and love children.

mak mak french / english fuckup and next time only ordering for one

posting with batman in the background

epic scifi fantasy dreams star wars robots try to fuck us up after surrendering and me on the run, stumbling across a bridge in a tunnel currently being used to extract a magic tome used in a ceremony and having to prove my intentions to those in the world on the other side

---
sunday 7th:

late sleep
yuna has only two good tracks (lullabies and fading flower)
haircut and stretching and late for kgb visit and him picking us up while we prepare for the day but we forgot to prepare gifts...

gd's rum vs whiskey sabotage

unbelievably perfect weather, sunny but cool with a definite sense of autumn

pharmacy and dollarama and complete exhaustion
steel panther - glory hole is an awesome (disturbing) music video

metro sleep

pre-slam meeting positive
meeting a fellow ex-lone-soldier
huge turnout for vogon poetry - the feature (fortner anderson)was truly awful. almost all of the rest of the poetry was amazing, everyone's been doing their homework this summer.

i took second and the team took a large some of money towards fundraising.

a great evening ruined by vapid touching me inappropriately, the fallout under extreme headache / exhaustion and the night become a nightmare

---
monday 8th:

new pillow discomfort
not quite enough sleep
vapid sexual harassment email discomfort
general mood improvement but leaving late

decent relaxed recovering morning
getting december vacation permission and treating myself to harvey's (double veggie burger and salad)

booking tickets to south africa!!!

losing the extra-coffee war (four cups a day is now a thing)
new strategies, recalling why irc sucks

wasabi-pea tears in the parking lot
realizing the depth of the expression "christ on a stick"
shopping, almost walking into a double spiders trap
shopping fail [they ran out of everything], awesome cheeseless pizza instead

hot coffee is disturbing, that chained to fahrenheit 9/11
feeling uncomfortable, lying down to feel more so, eventually giving up and going to bed

seeing myself perform gives me insight as to how much i move around too much

---
tuesday 9th:

reading rabbit's poetry for our team album
learning that my jokes at work are appreciated
big junior definitely not digging me [but he chilled as the week went on]
vapid insulted by my email, her response exactly what women complain about when men get defensive
ffmpeg brain scratching - parameters in MICROseconds???

gd iga follow-up fuckup [still no food]
good kickboxing training - give 120%! empty the tank! then work harder!
hard knees and thanks for the sparring, but no.
the french dude's gotta return to france on the 22nd and he doesn't want to leave montreal

big easy shopping at the old supermarket
johnny clegg mode
discussing vapid and parents and siblings - unfortunately unrecorded and very poetic
late dinner and american beauty
on poetry professionalism

do i mind if gd reads one of my favorite books in bed???

---
wednesday 10th:

early rise, second rest sooo comfortable
too many tasks and indiegogo account fail
final vapid mail
big junior more pleasant
work going around in circles
volunteering for company's emergency response team
one of the slam team's computer microphone and mine are shittier than phones
remembering sunscreen on my way out!
opposing my own reference for the caretaker of my old apartment
arguing atheism with supertongue [just saw this on slashdot]
mind melting javascript revelations
big junior r&d support
contact a rabbi for gd conversion discussion

exhaustion, sasquatch metro company, popeye's
two toilet queue jumpers at the starbucks
cypher: a dumbass journalist-poet-wannabe, katalyst sharing surprisingly good stuff
vapid not showing up

ovary acting stress and the beginnings of a fun poem on the topic
dinner delight and how to train your pet dragon

---
thursday 9/11:

the kind of rainy morning your body gets out of bed for with your spirits still under the blankets
nystire finally taking his stuff from pg, repurchasing lady of mazes
big junior good start
returning to an old avenue of inquiry, small successes
noon cheque mission, no express queues and no visible instructions for depositing cheques. when will my bank accept photos through their app?
gd in too much pain to make plans
suspiciously delicious thali pushap
twilio test and mom chat
bell customer dissatisfaction - calling me to ask why i rated them badly and then giving me more reason to hate them?

big junior during a meeting: what's slashdot?

pleasant evening: though i shouldn't have badmouthed my previous coworkers, i felt arrogant and sasquatch could've understood all the wrong things. [i talked with him in the morning, it's all good]

örmagörd: the realization that 1000 in currency is called "a grand" and two grand is referred to as "two large" in slang and grand = large in french.

p.m. delight
jumping on the bandcampwagon: bandcamp is a UX masterpiece. it's obviously designed for artists who don't care for technological bullshit and difficulties and just want to get stuff done. slick and awesome.

wasting time on the youtube vids because the guy in charge needs his hand held - but still grateful to him for his efforts so having to be super polite about it.

GETTING NO WRITING DONE

---
yesterday (!!!):

1am to bed with the same beard line as before
waking up at something am with strep throat?

bell's friendly agent: "once in a blue moon accidents happen" uh-huh
ten degrees and shorts because of chewing gum and cold hands
big junior good meeting
bell cutting into my lunch again when i'm already short an hour

sneezing so hard my headphones fell off

interesting afternoon but feeling slow
ALMOST succeeding, partial better than nothing but still frustrating

stunning cold late afternoon walking into the weekend needing it

great winter pants at walmart!

youtube schmuck / being a little harsh... he switched the titles on my videos.
great evening until it turned super shitty with gd in pain and angry about it, my sinus headache stuffy brain tired

---
today:

nyquil stoned late wake no breakfast, rabbit visit, forgotten backpack running with it open and no razor for my laser appointment

good poetry with mcc

higher laser intensity: "women do this on their entire bodies". men have lower pain thresholds. i don't want to imagine further.
gd quick stop for a kiss "so cute!"
rejoining the meeting

good full sandwich at aux vivres + carrying dragon sauce + postponed coaching + mom call + dying phone no charger - then second mom birthday call using twilio freakin awesome. erm. PHreakin' awesome.

coming home, realizing that something's got to give and it's this. now done, going to chill a bit.

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