Wednesday, September 30, 2009

idiot-girl's a ride

i made it on time, and after a bit of awkward mooching around was well impressed by some of the speeches made. in particular, the president of the idc made a very interesting offer concerning activism (i can't touch it right now, but i'm keen for after my service), and one of my classmates told his very interesting story that i'd never heard before.

then dana berger sang a few songs unplugged (i really like her), and i was on my way out when idiot-girl caught up with me. she offered me a ride, and while i would have preferred the bus i couldn't very well say "listen, i'd rather walk ten minutes and wait half an hour for a forty-five minute bus than get in the car with you".

so twenty minutes of her gasping and reeling over the trivial and i'm home, and now going out on a... "date". i meant to use this time to write something deeper but i didn't have enough of it.


apparently dr. pepper is not something that needs to be consumed after midnight.

i woke up around 4am, then at 5am... totally restless. strangely enough, i had energy during the day, but to be fair most of it was spent eating lots of either great or weird food. it began with the section breakfast - best one yet! the cakes and brownies in particular were insanely delicious, and i still can't get over them. we munched until hometime.

another guy in our unit just got back from china, and he brought with him an array of ungodly "sweets". things like spicy chicken-feet (crazy-hot, and a bit icky), all manner of weird-and-wonderfuls (like mini-beef jerky and something really odd that hinted at being troll-cheese), and the new white rabbit - golden something-or-other.

we had to fill out a personal development form today:
"where do you see yourself in a year's time?" out of here
"what would increase your professionalism?" a meaningful raise with no strings attached

my TL hasn't responded yet :P

i made him and another team-mate sit and listen to me read the mediocrity article i mentioned on monday. he complained that there weren't any concrete examples, so i kept giving him examples until he gave up trying to poke holes in it.

lunch: that was the foulest chicken (chicken? i don't know if it was bird-meat, even) i've ever tasted. to make matters worse, the kinder made me laugh as i was swallowing. if it had been liquid it would have come out my nose - i didn't know that solid food could do something similar. it took a minute or two to get my system to calm down, the result of what boils down to having snorted a piece of meat.

most uncomfortable.

nystire and i went shopping for bags (mine's tearing, so i have a new rollerblade / snowboard backpack), and on the way home i began, for the very first time, to explain to someone the new perspective that's been flowing through my brain for the last week or so. i needed to explain it in order to get across a point involving the goddess that required the abolition of certain base assumptions - and i think i eventually succeeded.

at some point i'm going to articulate it in writing, it's an extrapolation of a thought i had in 2002 that's been intertwined with everything i've read and been impressed by recently... i've reached a certain understanding of the concept of truth and reality that begs to be expressed :)

sparklehorse is as cool as wired said it is.

the urban dictionary tells us that twub = cracked out squirrel. good thing for me it's just an acronym ;)

cooling down softly

we did 30km tonight - bringing me to about 100 this week =)

i woke up from a two hour nap wasted and hurting, but i shot down some coffee and joined the group anyway. i'm really glad i did! i'm also glad i thought to take my ski mask, on the fast runs it's begun to get a bit chilly. in fact, i think i broke a sweat once the entire night.

at the last moment i decided to join the smaller group for a breakneck glide down to rokach - freakin' awesome. now i'm preparing to get up in four hours. at least while i was warmed up i got some relief from my back... it's beginning to ache again :/

i got ESRAh - lilith the devil stuck in my head. dig it.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

intensity rising, speeding to a halt

one of the vice-presidents of my alta mater passed away today. that's really sad - i wonder how tomorrow's gathering to celebrate the scholarship donations will play out...

the day:
insanity - if it wasn't for the massage chair being stationed at my desk the whole day, i wouldn't have been functional at all. or polite.

waiting in the hot sun, in uniform and wrapped with a hangover for half an hour wasn't a good start. i thought i was going to faint in the car - i actually had to put my feet up to stop swimming :(

the rest of the day was simply slow. i did go past the clinic to discover no fever and higher-than-usual blood pressure (although i was feeling out of it at the time), so no answers there.

the village idiot came back with really engaging stories of china. about a quarter of our section bailed on tomorrow's section breakfast at the last minute.

i just learned that the band is swift - and the girl from last night who told me about them answered favourably this afternoon. interesting.

careful! online dating can go horribly awry

opinion links: more succumbing to terrorism? i hope not.

it's all stopped spinning

but only so that i can feel the pain in my back that much more precisely. i'm going nuts, this muscle is driving me to distraction and it's not getting better :(

wobbly and marked

by any definition, i've had too much to drink.

on the way to the bar, something large, black and with the texture of fresh tar landed on my arm, and i couldn't help but imagine it as a black mark to start the new jewish year. at the same time, i was thinking about the perception of reality... at some point i'll have something palatable to explain it clearly :P

the muse evening was fun, i met what appears to be a nice girl, had a couple of drinks with her, another couple of drinks with some friends, and walked sideways back for what seemed like an eternity.

Monday, September 28, 2009

house-call [meh]

wow - i've done nothing productive today. i watched a couple of episodes of house, but i didn't have the energy to open a book. i'm going out for a drink to make up for it :P
[i mean, i may not be feeling well but i can't do nothing, now can i?!]

artificial blood for all those with an unquenchable thirst and a taste for freedom

defining and defeating mediocrity - from a south african news site? awesome!

28 days later - i advise following the "response to" links to kill bill and forrest gump :)

i think myspace is down... i wanted to hear one of danny gilboa's songs because i woke up earlier with it stuck in my head.

i think i wasn't just feeling sick

i've been completely wasted the whole day, and spent a lot of it sleeping. except when i've been watching commando (the 80's were awesome) and more of the best of whose line is it anyway (some jokes get quite tired, though).

feeling sick combined with a sore back is not cool.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

atonement roll

i was on the bus with two cute antipodeans, but they must have figured my attempt to be helpful had ulterior motive. it was then a little awkward that we were all going to exactly the same spot.

i got to the western wall early. very early. i missioned to find something to eat, stopping for an emergency sugar dose and drink when i began to feel woozy. i eventually found something food-like, and consumed most of the dodgy zatar pita bread before deciding that something wasn't quite right with it.

after about 15 minutes sitting impiously opposite the wall, the group began to fade in.

i was terrified before we set out. i hadn't been feeling well the whole day, my back's still giving me trouble and i have what appears to be a broken toe. to make things worse, i overpacked my bag (and i'm not used to blading with one anyway) and i'm uncomfortable with wearing a helmet, no matter how much everyone enjoys seeing me in my tinfoil hat.

speaking of which, i've decided to tell people it's my "invisible hat"... "because whenever i put it on, all my friends disappear".

in spite of all that, i machined through the 70 (70!) klicks, only really suffering the first two uphills and loving the rest. the downhills weren't so bad - i was sorry after the first one because i'd been overly cautious, and the second one showed me that my rollerblades' terminal velocity isn't as great as mine ^_^

out of 70 people, we only had one accident bad enough that it required an ambulance. worse than usual, but not bad considering.

there's something very special about going high-speed on a deserted highway on rollerblades. in terms of perspective it's like coming down a piste :)

i got by on crackers, sugar sticks, two litres of water and two cans of redbull. i think i'm allowed, on account of not feeling well and not being fit enough for the run. 70km is a lot. i have discovered a new appreciation for marathon runners. my feet, knees and all points of contact with my bag are red and sore, the rest of me achy and tired.

but i feel good. i feel... worthy.

i am terrified

listening to mind distortion system - lycantrop isn't helping :P

i'm pretty much packed, i think i may have overdone it (the thermos of rum and hot chocolate, for example), and i'm now off on a "religious" mission - we're about to rollerblade from the heights of jerusalem all the way to tel aviv.


an extra painful hour

i'm longing for the magic massage that can free me of a tyrannically unhappy muscle group. the technology to rip it all out and replace it with something less biologically imperfect would be good, too.

i planned on six hours, but all the digital clocks updated themselves automatically and i ended up with seven :P

a peaceful, pretty afternoon

EXCELLENT frisbee (with a good view), and an amazing sunset to boot. the only thing wrong was personal energy, i had a beer before we began but i suspect the general tiredness of the day was more responsible for my occasional lack of mobility than the alcohol :P

i had a jeremiah burger for dinner - really good, and mosied my way back home, picking up awesome vaniglia ice-cream on the way. i watched team america, was shocked that i'd watched it, and entered battle-mode with a couple of giant, wierd, flying black bugs that must have entered the apartment while i was out.

the humour of the tie-in with the movie did not escape me.

i went shopping - mostly in preparation for tomorrow's journey, and tried to watch black cat, white cat but it feels generic and the subtitles are mistimes.


unmentioned for a week or so: i'm absolutely loving reading sláine - the horned god again.

there exists a symbolism wiki. i was wondering about my primary red/back images*, and i'm intrigued by what i read. i'm not sure whether i agree with jungian hardcoded symbolism, but i'm not exactly an expert in semiotics.

i almost wrote "hold truck with".

tomorrow being the day of atonement, and my choosing to put my day in the hands of my deity / deities (one day i'll figure out what i prefer), has made me nervous. it also made me think a lot about how we project god onto our realities, and how that allows us to accurately state that "god is everywhere" and "in everything": because we put god there.

* yay - i finally finished it. well, more or less. the point is made, i reserve the right to improve later :)

Saturday, September 26, 2009

a cold one

in my crisp, white uniform
and cute little hat
red and gold crosses all around

i stare at my patient
who cannot stare back
his strong, black body
that could easily overpower my tiny frame
and the cold froth seeping over his hard lip
only adding to the boldness of his beautiful visage

i will do my job
i will nurse him
i will consume him
leaving nothing but his memory
in my giddiness

[happy 250, guiness!]

over-under sleep-clean

i woke up groggy from oversleeping around 11am, and cleaned my apartment for the first time in too long. by the time i was done i was feeling considerably agitated, and my back troubles weren't helping.

instead of going shopping and then remaining holed up here, i broke to coffeeholic for serious breakfast and ran into the poetry lecturer i met last week, which was fantastic because i had a couple of things i needed to get off my chest and we entered into a brief yet edifying debate.

it's nice to have nothing special to do for the moment. my biggest struggle is figuring out how to paint a tongue the way i see it in my head... while i know what's going to end up on the canvas won't be it, i want it to at least look good :P

so i've bid on a copy of the magic pudding, and am contemplating have just purchased hardcopies of aristotle - poetics, edith hamilton - mythology, and robert fitzgerald's the iliad and the odyssey (i've decided i quite like him since i've read his translation of the poems in oedipus at colonus).

i didn't know

i didn't know that i could sleep until 3.30am... i'm kinda embarrassed about sleeping more than i've been awake. and now back to bed, after too long spent reading comics.

specifically, i really enjoyed bizarro's homeschooling take. his comments made me think about how i'd deal with the issue.

unfortunately, reading through reader comments had me browsing through awkward family photos.

Friday, September 25, 2009

looking at me

as i'm laid down in my tiny cot
with blue aeroplane mobile and pink butterflies
my head cushioned
by soft, downy dreams
i lie staring through pristine white bars

i lie staring at older me
with my reckless self love
of daring escapades and idle sweetness
flippantly, i grab a bite
off the table, passing sneering snark remark to older me

as younger me strolls out the door
i sigh
remembering resignedly
renewing my focus on my pleasure
of morning brew and last night's news
reading carelessly about older me's pension woes
as i prepare to chase my doom another day

i wait quietly for younger me to call
to ask after me
to bring me news
i wait for a glint in eyes that might see more than mine
to remind me of passions forgotten

i smell that talcum smell
i close my eyes
i rest my head
on those soft, downy dreams
just a little longer

nodding and tapping to art

after finding out car rental possibilities for next week's festival, i went to coffeeholic for breakfast. i took with my japanese phrasebook, but it's not easy to sit there studying it. i did have an inspired idea, though: i'm going to make like those learning hebrew, and put little stickers all over the place to familiarize myself with the kanji.

i took the bus to jaffa, and found the gallery without too much difficulty. in brief: the exhibition is wonderful, with beautiful photography and concepts that made me smile :)

the performance itself was acoustic, and brilliant. i'm a bit upset that the acoustics were great for listening, but terrible for recording... regardless, it was an excellent setting for excellent music. danny gilboa is awesome, and i hope his album comes out soon and that people begin hearing him.

i bussed back to coffeeholic, to nurse a beer and talk back to the future with some of the other patrons, and have returned to... i don't know.

and i like not knowing.

a summary of pain: senility

good heavens! how did i forget to mention a really bad landing during the volleyball, and what appears to be a re-broken toe? left foot, the one next to the pinky toe. it really, really hurts.

a summary of pain

i didn't sleep enough before the sports day.

yesterday morning: volleyball, arbitrary physical competitions (egg races, push-ups, that sort of thing), frisbee, tug-of-war, interspersed with water slides.

afternoon: average lunch, long bus home, visiting the skate store, walking home, blading back, sorting out spare gear for sunday (wheels, bearings, spacers, serious allen-key, blading home (weird coffeeholic chat), hopping on the bus.

evening: taekwondo, solid work in spite of exhaustion. during a fight my opponent landed a full-power kick to my privates, which had me stumbling off to the bathrooms to make sure i didn't need emergency treatment (yeah, it was that bad). improved side kick, though. sleeping on the bus, so groggy by my stop that i knew that going out wasn't a good idea.

this morning: natural early wake-up :( - internet, the gimp (drawing tongues), confusion regarding my flights to south africa... i have to decide whether to try to get some more rest or to go shopping for laces.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

define "losing"

for me, a loser is not the person who didn't win, rather the person who didn't give himself a chance to. i'm agitated to be in a loser unit - we don't have enough winners to save us.

aside from that, it was a pretty okay day in the sun - i even managed to teach a couple of self-proclaimed unco-ordinated to play frisbee :)

almost forgot about the water slides - they have a couple of mean ones ^_^

now i think i have to choose between training tonight and donating to an emergency blood drive...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


inglorious basterds is as awesome as it looked - i loved it, i loved it even though i watched it alone (although the cute girl next to me was shifting distractingly the whole time), and the only thing that wasn't 100% was a scene that my TL managed to ruin: "i'm not going to spoil anything by telling you that..." is not a wholesome way to begin a sentence.

all props to tarantino for regaining former glory.

the big and freaky news for the day: i got another call from the man in the suit. this time they want me for three days. i couldn't help myself: "is there going to be violence?"
i shouldn't ask that of a man with no sense of humour. speaking of which, a lot of the nazis in the movie reminded me of these guys.

*ahem* i need to say this: if i did actually have anything to hide, i wouldn't be feeling so hurt every time they talk to me. this whole ordeal sucks.

... back to the mundane...

i made it out of my apartment on time this morning. with my phone :P

i was completely exhausted and falling apart all day, even though i got more sleep than usual - it felt like the coffee was broken, so i had to have an energy drink which did no more than stabilize me.

lunchtime saw me arguing with idiot girl, she's absolutely ridiculous. aside from attacking the big lebowski and the fifth element as worthless wastes of time, she made fun of my military career and actually had the audacity to laugh at me. she had absolutely no clue what i've been through and i'm fairly certain i had the right to file a complaint for her behaviour. i wish it hadn't pissed me off as much as it did, it's definitely not smart to let morons get to you.

speaking of the not-so-wise, some girl sent an email to the entire unit with a strange animation attached and an unrelated explanation. i poked fun at her by hitting "reply to all" and telling her that the game she'd sent was broken, which actually got a further "reply to all" with the animation modified. this communication was followed by threats and spam complaints, and i'm amazed that someone else jumped on board with something that could get us all court-martialled :/

work was alright, but since the phone-call invitation i've been distracted. bastards. if they'd called me yesterday i'd still be able to consider studying this year. technically i still can, but i've been thinking it over and it might be best if i save up some cash and store up some knowledge before my great return to academia.

calmly to bed

i couldn't get much sleep, so i went shopping for dinner. i discovered that for the first time in many years, i can turn my neck enough to see behind me without rotating my shoulders!

thank you facebook - i've been watching the best of whose line is it anyway?...

tel aviv rollers was excellent tonight, the weather was comfortable and we had lots of smooth runs. and some very, very foxy ladies. i didn't have sound with me... the entire night, i've had noble brats - the offer looping in my head - great song.

i just got back to find a favourable response to my request for academic deferment, so for the moment that's a chapter complete.

this is the sickest shit i have ever seen! i know what i'm going to be dreaming of tonight - if somebody feels like organizing me a wing suit for my birthday, it will be most welcome ;)

listening to celtic woman on youtube. and liking it.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

i don't get it

feeling - disconnected - must - sleep - before - blading

changing razorblades
i keep leaving it too late.

gift giving
the gifts were well received - and everybody loved my bumper stickers ^_^

awesome! i spoke to the secretariat today, and all i have to do is send an email requesting that my file be put aside until next year :)

i'm really, really confused. i hope my mum and my cousin manage to sort out my tickets... apparently having a spare return ticket causes more complex problems than i'd thought possible :(

on the other hand, i've spoken to the kid, and it looks like we're going to do the ucpa thing in february like we did the first time :D

awkward hellos
i'm not alone in my confusion. when someone says "hi!", i say "hi" back. and when someone says "how are you?" my usual response is "fine thanks, and you?". for some reason that question is never answered in this country.

not only is it ignored once reflected back, but if i ask first - as in, "hi, how are you?" - the usual response is "how are you?". this leads to two awkward scenarios. in the first, i have to ask again and we end up in a loop. israelis don't seem to notice and just keep on going. in the second, the conversation continues and i'm weirded out because there was exactly half of a greeting.

yesterday, as i entered the loop with someone, i stopped and asked why he was doing that.
"i don't know," he said, "it used to bug me too. but then i just got used to it."

i'm taking it back. you *WILL* answer me, dammit!

doctor's orders
i renewed my physiotherapy referral, and asked after my exemption. i've just been informed that my slipped disc doesn't provide me exemption from carrying a rifle, in direct contradiction to what i was told when i enquired a few months ago. at least i can help out with the shuttle, now.

no rpg
every week, a different reason why nobody can make the game. and this is the very small group of enthusiastic participants. in other unit news, we're supposed to have volleyball practice tomorrow and nobody really wants to do that, either.

my favourite: "i don't see what you think you can achieve with your practice session... who goes to the beach in the morning?!"

they tell me that i work with the cream of the crop.

Monday, September 21, 2009


beginning of post: frantic noise and sattwa - zen skies

three hours... and it seemed to be enough. i hope tonight's six will improve things.

a) i strolled onto the right bus this morning - a first in ages - only to get off at the next stop because i'd forgotten my phone. that never happens. and i still had to wait over half an hour for my ride once i got to the station.

b) chatting with the embassy and kibbutz cousin (high excitement over travel plans)

c) i got no work done today, mostly due to my personal goblins wreaking havoc with my pc. we did have some very interesting and amusing discussions, though.

d) i left the base at 13.30 for a 15.30 appointment, and still managed to arrive ten minutes late. the physio session was good, though, and she wrote me a recommendation for the doctor to continue the treatment. favourite moment: "you really don't look like the military type"

middle of post: wizack twizack - the explorer

e) what possessed me to have an ice-cream today - first cornetto since last summer? and why did i need to have the flavour that only had one cone left when there was obviously something wrong with it? why did i continue to open it after discovering that it had been taped shut? what compelled me to guzzle it down, even after suspecting the worst?

f) i came home to make bumper stickers for my TL's new car - highly amusing ones. i called icg to postpone our coffee by half an hour and went to dizengof to print. i was impressed that as far as getting there was concerned i didn't need the buffer, and even more so when their printer started causing trouble and it took about twenty of the spare minutes to get the problems sorted out.

g) the walk down dizengof, turning a very pretty head that was unfortunately attached to a bicycle travelling in the other direction

h) very pleasant coffee with icg, sitting for a good couple of hours enjoying each other's company before she stated that things aren't working out how she'd like. we then sat a whole lot more before going our separate ways

i) bumping into the hardware dude on the corner, and paying him a long visit for a crazy philosophical debate / argument / fight / all of the above, which was a lot of fun

j) *enjoying* reading oedipus the king

end of post: psychoz - burundanga

a long weekend's advantage

i tried to sleep, but i started off badly with scribbling furiously and reading, then slept just enough to discover the possibility that the sleeping position that i've been most afraid of since 2005 might very well be the one way to deal with my neck issues.

i can't verify that, but i'm feeling better!

i took a bus to abraxas, and got there just a few minutes late for the time listed on the invitation. the place was packed! the music for the first hour was very cool, the second hour was on / off. it was only about halfway through the third hour that the noble brats finally went up on stage, and to be honest i thought that they began far too strong for initiates... but lo and behold, people who had no idea what they were in for were blown away!

a cute girl-friend of mine (one of ze germans) and a family-friend of hers rocked up, and enjoyed the show :) i enjoyed their company, too - especially once i managed to free myself from a group of idiot girls who annoyed the crap out of me with their loud, abrasive and generally unladylike behaviour. they were pretending to be "in" with the alternative scene... and failing abysmally. and they wouldn't keep their hands and elbows out of my face.

so: the place is awesome, the performance terrific, the company good (even a couple of coffeeholic people arrived... i don't know if they stayed, though), and we were treated to some very special guest performances as well. the alcohol flowed, the walk back was very pleasant, and i'm extremely pleased with the night.

i'm even okay with waking up in 3.5 hours... but only because today's going to be a half-day - what would i do without physiotherapy?? and icg has invited me for coffee afterwards. i suspect it's time for a final chat (from her side, i'm easy at this point).

from a fantastically fortunate day to a very cool evening, a good start to the jewish new year :)

Sunday, September 20, 2009

an impromptu social

boy, am i glad i went to coffeeholic for breakfast - and stayed for four hours... i took my copy of milton, and made some headway while still maintaining fun discourse with the guys working [who agree with me that the karaoke thing is unacceptable], had a quick chat with a really cute member of ze germans, and was then attacked (pleasantly) for a riveting discussion by one of the university's english department. i've acquired "homework" - she brought me a copy of sophocles i :)

one of the guys working took a break, and we had an argument about israelis overseas - as in, whether or not they make good ambassadors. my personal take is that some are great and some are awful, but the other participants weren't so fair-minded and there was quite a bit of antagonism going on. at the end, i actually had to slow down someone who challenged my "israeli-ness", because he didn't realize that the complaints i have stem from my wanting israelis to be represented well, and wanting the inconsiderate ones to be considerate because they're my people. i'm not standing on the outside looking in and pointing fingers. my people, my responsibility.

now to rest for a bit prior to the noble brats performance.

two points of shame

plus mass defriending in facebook - i seem to have ruffled some feathers with last night's remark on a majority's lack of taste.

1. i had playing last night, and i went into the kitchen to get some orange juice. there was a group of american girls having a cigarette outside, and as i started pouring one asked "what is this music?!"

so i answered... thing is, they can't see through the kitchen window. it was very awkward.

2. on my way to the bar, i suddenly realized what i wanted to do with the sound i was playing with yesterday... so i recorded it on my phone. it was a crowded street, so i played it back to check. i held the phone to my ear, heard myself humming and "dum dum"-ing loud and clear... some people walking past me smiled at me, and seeing as that's a rarity i became suspicious:

yep. as i thought: it wasn't just me who could hear it loud and clear. the voice recorder plays back on the phone speaker :$

you're damn right i'm upset

i was nervous as hell, after a sterling performance by michal geva, einav jackson cohen and gil lewis, because it was karaoke night at the ozen bar and my buddies convinced me to sign up for tool - schism (it was on the list!)

we waited the whole night, eventually the dj called me up to the booth to tell me he couldn't find the song... but he *loves* tool, he said, it's just not appropriate while there're still people around.

so why is it on the list? and why did i suffer so many ultra-crap songs being abused and destroyed by people who really shouldn't sing, not even in the shower? when rage against the machine - killing in the name of was ripped to shreds by the only person in the bar who didn't know the words? and i can't sing an incredible song because it's not the kind one hears on the radio?

either he's a liar, and he's not familiar with the music in question, or he's heard it but simply doesn't get it. there's no way in hell that somebody who can understand the depth of their music (which one must begin to get to grips with before one can say "i like tool") or any of the lyrics (no need to understand the music, just reading them will suffice), would skip an opportunity to let other people hear it.

it's freakin' karaoke, what difference does it make???

Saturday, September 19, 2009


i did mess with the painting, but it has some way to go. i watched the rest of the midnight meat train - and really liked it. it doesn't feel too hot, but the chocolate melted anyway. k-twang gave me some very good advice concerning picking, and i feel a bit less silly now. i missed yael deckelbaum's performance, because i wrote it down on my board with the wrong month (and didn't check my facebook calendar - tsk, tsk). i haven't been outside the house today... do i go to the ozen bar to see michal geva play? it's as good an excuse as any to have a drink and take a photo of a tree i noticed when going past the other day.

in the quiet of my little castle

i had a very important chat with my mum this afternoon - and we've come up with a cunning plan...
it's time to get in touch with embassies and arrange visas and passports and things :)

i tried using a microwavable huggy bag thingy for my neck, positioning myself in front of final fantasy for maximum effect: to no avail. i was in too much pain to do anything more productive than challenge npc's to card games, so i turned it off and slept a bit more. i woke up slightly better, heated up the bag again and tried reading with it... also not particularly helpful :(

i've done laundry, repaired my old strap-on pockets, contemplated attacking a painting that i began many months ago... it's been a recluse's sort of day.

kissing the gunner's daughter

arrrrrrrrr! happy talk-like-a-pirate day, me hearties!

i should be swabbing me quarterdeck - i've had to weigh anchor on account of me bad back.

back to thursday morning:

breakfast took place in the mess with nystire and a couple of random kids. there's nothing more awkward than advising someone to become an officer and sign on a couple of years, even if it is in their best interests, when i myself am hating being in the military. it's unnerving to hold so many contradicting attitudes.

my pc's still giving me trouble, but we had an inspection so it didn't really matter. once that was over, i did anything but work anyway - it was the beginning of a strange day, spent with one foot outside myself.

lunch communication: aside from a couple of misunderstandings concerning who was eating with whom and when, we had a long argument about cultural communication. israelis and americans (in general) need jokes to be explained, no missing steps allowed - for british and south africans, if there's no thinking that needs to be done it's probably not funny.

the argument began with an attempt at a pun in hebrew: i used an obscure meaning of a word and then elaborated, and was told it couldn't be funny because nobody uses the word in that way... that was the point.

in a meeting with our system engineer, i was trying to understand what difference sitting on his left could possibly make.
se: what hand do you scratch your balls with?
me: i don't, usually. i've never understood the need to scratch
se: because it's fun! okay, so what hand do you pick your nose with?
me: i don't do that either
se: what? wow! your life is really pathetic!

gods help me.

we had drinks in honour of the jewish new year: lotsa cake. i made a pig of myself.

i reached a very important (and good-looking) milestone in the fun project, but something wasn't working right. it took the rest of the workday to discover that my code is fine, and that c#'s textfile loading has a problem with spaces... as in, it sometimes drops them. i'm not sure when, but at least the fault is consistent so there has to be a solution.


we were "invited" to the other side of the base for more cake before going home. fortunately, the second cake didn't taste very good so i wasn't compelled to make matters worse :P

while waiting for the bus to ra'anana, i took a call from lipgirl - seems she's moving back to the big city :)

after a lot of frustration i think i finally understand what our teacher's problem is. if we had a group like we had six years ago, large and interested, she'd be able to do things the way they need to be done. because we're few in number, arranging facilities has become a very expensive enterprise and keeping the students she has requires putting up with a large proportion of bad attitudes.

my personal solution? training in the park. i don't know why she's unwilling to do that.

i have a new body protector - my very own! it's amazing how much it softens the blows compared to the slightly aged ones. speaking of soft blows: i worked with a kid who "didn't want to hurt me" while we were padded up. when it was my turn, i tapped him (not hard for me, but enough that he'd feel it) because if you don't learn how to take kicks in training then the first one that lands in a fight will drop you.

this kid is a black belt - he made faces, bitched, moaned, and then tried to explain to me that knowing how to take a hit wouldn't help. a few weeks ago another of the old crew trained with us, and one of our older black belts (and bigger than me) ended up in tears because he'd never worked properly before.

i'm not impressed.

i needed to cough when i left... the swine-flu panic seems to be affecting me a little, too. i heard a terrible story of a soldier who coughed when he got onto a bus in the desert, and they threw him off...

the reason i went to training on thursday night was because i couldn't on friday, my ex-neighbour was set to perform at the same time. i discovered when i got home that the heads-up was mistaken, and he's only performing next week...

thinking "sod it", i went out to the rock party - it was a very nostalgic set. my back and neck were a bit sore after the training, but nystire's sister was obliging with massages. she still doesn't get that nothing's going to come of them. i danced with her and her big-boned but pretty friend most of the night, and the mystery woman was there too and also competing for my space on the dancefloor...
the one girl who *did* interest me gave me a smile and a clink of her glass, but i didn't manage to get more out of her... oh, well.

i got home around 5am, and slept for 5.
i began my friday painting (i've already posted the results), then took my copy of milton's works to breakfast. breakfast was excellent, and i read through a bit before someone took an interest and we all got caught up in a very interesting discussion on the definitions of heaven and hell.

this conversation included sentiments that were floating around my head on the bus back thursday night:
since nixon we have stigmatized an inherent and irreplaceable part of our species' advancement, and in doing so condemned our near-future generations to become less and less sophisticated and socially aware

prior to partaking of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, man was blind and believed himself to be in the garden of eden - ignorance is bliss. upon enlightenment, he was forcibly ejected from his delusion, and realized that not only had he never been in such a place, but that he didn't deserve to be. the act of disobedience itself was, in fact, necessary to become what we consider to be "complete" - the opening of the eyes is what makes life worth living.

to paraphrase milton: god doesn't want subservience without question.

... training? again? it was during the warm-up that i hit the hangover from the night before :P
it was a good training, and not too extreme... only because i'd damaged my back and neck the night before, and then made it worse with head-banging, it took me out completely. and none of the exercises i've learned over the past five weeks of physiotherapy seem to be helping.

i went straight home, showered, dressed, and walked to her place. it was a fine walk until i got about halfway, when i felt the temperature rise a couple of notches to "sweaty" :/
i almost made it on time [i was a couple of minutes (three or four) and phone-calls late] and we were all off to dinner.

dinner with the jerusalem cousins was brilliant. a very pleasant evening with lots of people and exquisite food. i felt a bit awkward at the end, a couple of my cousin's friends from cape town invited me to their place on clifton 4th and i'm awful with accepting/refusing invitations. i just never know the protocol for non-committal gratitude.

lipgirl invited me out last night, but my neck wasn't willing - shite. that's really bad timing :(

i've slept badly, i'm still hurting, and now that i've made noise here i'm going to continue in meatspace with my guitar... i think i've managed to piece together a new sound ^_^

i've just acquired a copy of terence mckenna - food of the gods - i don't know when i'm going to find time to read it :S

yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum! here's wishing all jewish buccaneers a good new year, and all me hearties a rum weekend of booty, chantey's, saucy wenches and visits to the briny deep :)

Friday, September 18, 2009

f - is for fire

that the fire should spread, envelope, caress; its burning intensity catching the whole and with blue-white licks - clean, clear, passionate animality - allow these primal, soulful urges; screaming, flailing, sharing, building, sweat, tears, exhaustion... calm, quiet, whole; detached, distracted spirit

Thursday, September 17, 2009

lucky wake-up!

i missed all my alarms, and was fortunate to be woken up by an ambient version of u96 DAS BOOT. just in time to pull out the laundry: i put in at 8pm, which had not quite reached that point where i'd need to run another cycle...

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

breaking point

from halfway through the afternoon until i got home, i had difficulty keeping my eyes open and figuring out where i was or what i was doing :(

today was cleaning day, so we all got to justify our salaries with brooms and dusters. i would've organized volleyball training, but the cute sports instructor couldn't organize the equipment :/

i might've done some work, too - but my computer's on the fritz. what - a - bummer.

terence mckenna - food of the gods - very, very interesting. by part 3 he gets warmed up :)

morning thoughts

because at 6.30am, the best place to be is the train station, passers-by staring at you while you swat ineffectually at all the flies

indulgence can save me from myself

i'm lactose intolerant, but i keep milk ice-cream in the freezer. it's for those moments where i simply can control myself, and i'm prepared to suffer for it.

and then there are times like these: you know, when i *had* to have a beer at the end of the run (even though i had to have a dr pepper beforehand just so that i wouldn't be completely dehydrated), and arrived at home with rather uncomfortable heartburn. i'm extremely glad i remembered the ice-cream, because it's all i have and it works like a charm ^_^

that was an excellent blade! i'm finally meeting people in the group, and there're a whole bunch of nice ones.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

do i *have* to lie?

i'm being taught to tell lies. today's concerned signing hours. it's the most retarded system for a software developer, because there's no measure of productivity. and it's stupid that it makes me feel bad, and that feeling is something that i'm going to have to learn to live with.

and somehow i have to figure out how to make sure that none of the bad habits cross over into *my* life.

i was rushing off to visit an exhibition this evening, but the gallery's in jaffa which is *just* too far away. at least i made it to the art supply store, so i'm about ready for round two on f (for fire).

damn - elite's orange praline dark chocolate is seriously smooth.

the base had a "fair" today for new year gifts (the jewish new year is this week)... we were promised an amazing experience, epic proportions and more choices than a stick should be shaken at. what we got were a handful of tables with cheap, useless stuff.

nice one, guys. nice one. although the mouse with the encased scorpion was pretty cool.

today felt like it had no value. i suppose becoming captain of the volleyball team means something, but only to me - i hope i get a chance to make a difference.

[gets distracted]

i just made a felt & prestik version of klotski for my bathroom wall. go me!

going offline and getting ready to blade :)

did i have better things to do?

other than sitting on the pc, i mean. i feel like i've missed something. sitting on the patio, perhaps.


seeing the cardboard tube samurai yoshimitsu skin is cool - but it would've been even greater if they'd bothered to rename the character too... or given him a face... can't everything just be perfect, for once?

fresh paint

i stayed in for a drink, and started watching the midnight meat train; it's an excellent translation from the short-story, and wonderfully visual.

something came out while i was scribbling at coffeeholic, i was a bit embarrassed that i'd begun randomly and then had suddenly drawn breasts for all to see (okay, so there were only a couple of guys near me, i still found it awkward).

so i've finally learned to paint over. seeing as it's nowhere near finished:

aaaaaaand just a thought

Monday, September 14, 2009

the tough-list

i couldn't help but laugh at myself, feet caressing sand, slow gold rivulets of sunlight flowing over me as i fixated upon the clouds; how easy it is to let one's troubles protect one from living for the moment.

did i handle today correctly? faffing at work? check. massage? check. ice-cream and brief-yet-pleasant chat with icg? check. beautiful beach sunset? check. coffee, brownie and doodling at coffeeholic? check.

only one question remains: do i go out for a drink?

on a sour note: assaf ramon's tragic death. the expression that got stuck in my head? "controlled flight into the ground".

death; purple and orange

the week began well. i almost got run over by a forklift. then i came into my office to find nibble's mother snatching desperately at his feathers, attempting to pluck him back to life.

the morning disappeared quickly as i finished off a really useful and pretty addition to the fun project, the afternoon went quite comfortably doing the regular grind. the difference between the fun project and our regular meat and potatoes is astounding.

the kinder and i have a tradition of locking each other out of the office, usually by mashing the door codes until they invalidate and almost always with hilarious results. i witnessed a spillover to others in the section yesterday, and that had me grinning childishly :D

i'm back to listening to tool. not only did they accompany me on the shuttle home, but also to ra'anana... and back. i woke up this morning with maynard's "if consequences dictate my course of action" in my head, and that wasn't very long ago so it's still there. as amazing as the music is, i don't think it would be as emotional every time if the lyrics weren't as powerful.

the sunset last night was mind-blowing. i didn't mention that it rained the night before, and by sunset we had enormous storm clouds creeping in, giant, indigo clouds on a lilac sky - and underneath and down to the horizon the smoothest, deepest orange. i would have tried to take photos, but the scene was too beautiful and i was inside a bus.

taekwondo was brilliant - and by brilliant i mean that there were four of us who trained hard, hard to the point of breaking and with techniques two of us hadn't seen or thought of in six years. we all enjoyed it, and nystire got to see some of the real deal.

also good: i've picked up milton again :)

sunday morning surprise

sunday morning surprise
i walk in to find
your body, cold and lifeless
face down into your pillow
i check for signs of life
i find nothing, but
a jury of my peers
to point their guessing fingers at me

i look away, then
force my eyes back
your mother, fingers pinch dead flesh
to wake you, she cannot give up
tearless eyes seek asylum
from your insanity

it is i who must bury you
i, who did neither care nor harm
i, who must magic your remains away
i, who cannot look
into those mother's haunted eyes

i see your corpse disappearing out of sight
i see fat, agitated maggots remaining to remind me

Sunday, September 13, 2009

articulating the shift

good idea - i took the walk and arrived at what turned out to be tel aviv's answer to the baxter. the cinemateque, where we meet up for weekly rollerblading, is very cool inside as well.

i arrived early, and decided that if i was already in the mode of doing things by myself then i should visit the lincoln. i took myself a table, a shot of araq and a half a pint, and spent half an hour getting myself into the swing of things. the super-cute (aren't they always?) waitress stopped for a chat, she'd noticed my accent...

the shift (couldn't find it on imdb) is a very sweet movie about the shift that i made when i was 18... mine took a little longer than a few days, but one of my biggest problems since then has been dealing with the fact that i haven't been playing in the same sandbox as everyone else around me.

and i'm definitely in the right sandbox.

i had a perfect ending to a fantastic weekend tarnished by the sandwich masters... or not, as the case may be. i'm not going for suduch again. the guy gave me the wrong sandwich after he'd managed to screw up the first, and i was taking a call from my mother at the time.

the customer is not supposed to do his job for him.

i eventually didn't go past icg to say hi. i have a feeling things aren't all gravy. that was damper number two, number three was an inappropriate facebook message: i *hate* it when people communicate to others through me. i began hating it when spot's family could never get hold of him directly, and it's something i will never be comfortable with. i am not a channel for other people's problems. and if you *must* use me as a channel, try to do so in a manner that will reduce the likelihood of needing to do it again in the future.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

others go *that* way

today... no characters were created. i did finally understand the whole age thing, though, and now i just need to mass produce soldiers, policemen and average joes...

a shot of rum (spiced gold is awesome), some bouncing around the apartment (i don't know what i'd do without, and i decided i had to visit the park. i strapped on my blades, took a book (justina robson - selling out: i'm finally about back to where i left off last time!), and grabbed a half-litre of beer on my way.
i found a really good spot (the best bench in the park, according to one of the passer's by), and spent a quiet hour or so reading with natural sound accompaniment.

i was feeling a bit tipsy when i finally decided to come back, and the blade was into the wind which made everything feel slow in addition to wobbly. it was surreal overtaking cyclists at what felt like walking speed.

i came back to ice-cream and tekken, then napped for an hour or two. the complete idiot's guide to playing the guitar was a bit much for me, but i've been playing with mine anyway and i'm very happy with myself and my strained fingers.

i can't decide what to do tonight... there's a performance at 21.30 by a group that i've been wanting to see for ages, but i'm not really in the mood. there's a movie that my ex-team-mate told me about yesterday, but the showing he told me about isn't listed on the website *and* i'd have to see it alone... maybe i'll just take a walk there anyway and see.

i'm still unable to open my torrent ports since my last upgrade. even some sage advice didn't help :( [and my router's firewall is disabled]

there is so much potential in biological levitation research! i can't wait until they get to human trials :)

bad science has written a very good article on aids denial.

online again... too much

but i have seen some great things:

bizarro's analysis ties in perfectly with my whine-song (fast becoming a personal anthem)

calvin has an idyllic summer: i remember those summers :)

here's something this country needs: a way to get people to stay in line

here's what i'm supposed to be doing: creating characters. at least i drew a map :)

Friday, September 11, 2009

funning myself to death

what a long, solidly enjoyable day!

a. tekken and invader zim, always a good start to the day

b. plenty of time with the guitar, and i managed to connect two pieces into something i'm really happy with

c. a long and enjoyable coffeeholic breakfast, followed by a run-in with my ex-neighbour that ended with us sitting at cafeneto philosophizing with the waiters and neighbouring tables

d. great training - we all suffered from the lack of oxygen, but that's almost normal. plus, there's a really, really cute girl who's just joined us...

e. beer and chat at coffeeholic - almost second breakfast, too, but that was interrupted (thankfully before the chef broke the first egg) by

f. frisbee on the beach, a beautiful sunset (and very pleasant eye-candy surrounding us) and not too much craziness

g. goocha for seafood after the beach, luckily discovering before we ordered that neither karnaf nor myself had brought much cash... so we missioned off to my place to pick up my wallet, then decided to go to

h. ze sushi, for (you guessed it) sushi and saki.

i. on the way home, my cousin from the kibbutz called me to tell me the good news - her son's getting married! and soon! i called him up, we had a good chat: mostly about their wedding plans. i must say that i'm well impressed with both of them for having good taste :)

j. awesome shower

k. a quick browse through facebook, and someone reminded me that i need to beginning planning my costume for new year's - i have an idea stolen from the works of jhonen vasquez...

l. now to nap before deciding if i'm going out tonight ^_^

Thursday, September 10, 2009

surprising reappraisal

the morning improved. it began with my peer review - i must admit to being wholly surprised at how positive it was. it seems that my co's have been paying attention! my SC struck gold: "you're a pain in the ass, but sometimes that's just what's needed".

to back that up, i was asked to make a presentation on my fun project to the section :)
which reminds me - i had another project in the pipeline that i passed off to another team... we discovered today that it's a project that exists already, and only two people in the section have ever heard of it. amusingly enough, one of those people is nystire, and he helped me with the design...
odd, that...

low point in the day: coding english and thinking in hebrew. i needed a break to shake that off. this was after eating lunch standing, zoning out while chewing because i was so tired i needed to concentrate. i was sitting pouring over code with someone, only to realize that i'd fallen asleep doing so when she woke me up and the same block of code was in front of my eyes that i'd been dreaming of.

high point in the day: i called icg, and things sound alright. i suppose it might take time to adjust to each other's mannerisms.

after much frustration - primarily with the doDragDrop function that cancels all other events - i finished a really important piece of the puzzle. that left me ready to call it a week; one balloon is scratched out above my desk and i'm ready to go to bed. it's been a long week with very little sleep.

red-eyed alarm-button masher


awkward evening... i don't know what's up. adding that to the fact that it's super-early and i'm going to be very, very tired today? great morning.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009


hatchling nibble [his name]: i opened the blinds yesterday to discover that a pigeon had nested outside my office window. nice! this morning her egg hatched; those of us who bore witness (a bit too late for the actual event, but in time for preening and feeding) were pleased :)

the freakout: bad communication skills; i had to sit with the new guy on something, and the two of us ended up having a screaming match. i was shocked at how rude he was, and it took us a few minutes of calm-down and look-at-me-when-i'm-talking-to-you before i could shut him up long enough for us to realize that we were talking about different things and had been of the same mind from the start.


c#'s drag 'n drop is pretty simple to implement. the bitch trying to figure it out with the msdn. i wasted a lot of energy flicking through the help[less], and the second i gave up and hunted down an internet connection i was sorted :S

caffeine boost mandatory: i'm still going solely on the energy drink i consumed midway through the afternoon. and i'm exhausted. i think i may have eaten too much today, too.

the girl who'll be playing d&d with us sat with me for a couple of hours on character creation. it turns out i barely remember anything, and in addition to getting things moving and giving us a chance to remember, we're at the very beginning of building a more detailed world for the actual campaign.

it's not pleasant when the shuttle arrives late on a regular day... when it arrives late at 8.30pm it's quite upsetting. fortunately, the guy eventually did rock up... sometimes they don't.

i used the opportunity to chat with my cousin from the kibbutz... she's had better times, i think. there was positive stuff too, though - in particular, i was highly amused and impressed to hear that her son's girlfriend inked her last week! awesome :)

i'll be going up there soon, at least. i haven't been there in *way* too long.

seeing the 5th element at this time of night? and at icg's suggestion, completely devoid of any input from me? no way.

peace of mind on wheels


opening the rum, watching battlestar galactica;

blading: an excellent run! really fun, met some people (including cute girls, and that *never* happens), didn't get taken out when a guy right in front of me turned into a flailing, bailing mass of terror, was not in the wrong place at the wrong time when someone took a sharp bend at high speed onto cobblestones (instant 90o broken shin), enjoyed the beer and the cheesy music at the end, and sped home on empty main thoroughfares with solid psy-trance accompaniment;

i didn't see icg, i think i'm more confused about where we are now that we've spoken on the phone than i was not having been in touch for two days...

and now it's past my bedtime. as usual :) [although i'm going to skip on the movie tonight]

ah! almost forgot - i've heard about a group that rollerblades down the hills of jerusalem, from the old city to tel aviv, on yom kippur. it's a bit of work as far as logistics are concerned (spare wheels and bearings, water and food), but it sounds incredible and i've heard nothing but good reports.

allegedly, if one survives the run one can consider oneself as having received the lord's forgiveness :)

Tuesday, September 08, 2009


i didn't feel good today. i don't feel good. in spite of that, it was a highly successful one. i worked solely on the fun project, and achieved a number of goals. the nice thing is having time to sit and plan a *good* (esp. intuitive) interface, which really is the most important part of any project.

after lunch i ran into a couple of guys from the first leg of last year's course, and they're always amusing. interestingly enough, they're potential for my Big Plan post-military. that's now four or five people on the list, which makes me feel a little more secure.

lunchtime chatter was pizza and ice-cream: where the best come from. vaniglia and pizza slice win out hands down. it's funny that that was today's topic, because as i got off the bus by my house i got a message from icg; she was about 20m away, so i went past to say hi.

after changing out of my uniform i went back, but things got busy again (they're almost always busy)... so we didn't get a chance to talk, and i came back home after finishing my sorbet.

i thought i'd make myself a tuna-salad, but i discovered [to my great bewilderment] that i don't own a can-opener, so i had to go and buy one. for some reason i came back irritated. i think the primary spark was finding out that nobody wants a counterfeit NIS 10 coin that someone managed to pass on to me. i don't know how anyone can tell the difference.

Monday, September 07, 2009

come on, guys! fight, fight, fight!

that's what the kids were shouting when they saw us cooling down and getting ready to leave. their bigger friends rocked up... and we stood up. suddenly, there wasn't a fight anymore. a pity that doesn't work with the older members of their "society".

i'm physically drained, and irritated about what's not happening with icg. once again, though, i see that i don't really have to be too concerned about connecting with someone. it'll happen. i just hope that the present tense "it's happening" is still valid.

barak - evolution is funky.

two bad: sms and ice cream

this morning was grand:
a curious breeze that promises to cool but not too cold, tunneling through the furnace with an almost-smell fresh sense of renewal and purity; a deep breath, and easy thoughts to accompany the rising sun; a sense of calm before redemption's icy tempest

sms: *sigh*
i can't figure it out. i sent a "good morning" sms because in my experience girls expect that sort of thing. i instantly regretted sending it, and a bit later got what seemed to be a distancing response. i hope i'm just reading too much into an ellipse.

ice-cream: the ice-cream cake was really, really good. so good, in fact, that i had to have a whole slice. i've been feeling aweful since - aggressive headaches and generally lousy. i'm beginning to even out now, at least.

taekwondo news: taekwondo is a dangerous sport. i'm a bit concerned that what i heard from a non-news source made it seem like the match was extremely lopsided... if that's the case, it's simply irresponsible.

revenge: my ride made a couple of nasty comments about me during the ice-cream cake session, so i flipped his station to face the wall while he was out to lunch. i wait with bated breath to see how he responds :P

i solved the problem with c# collections: i side-skirted it completely. i used an inherent data tag to remember what the index is supposed to be, and now everything's working smoothly again. i still can't figure out how the issue only appeared recently.

after a solid lunch, i managed to get home an hour early - so i had time to change out of my uniform and have a quick nap. for once, i didn't fall asleep at physiotherapy :)

i organized my new credit card, cut up my second one and sent it with a letter to be cancelled (it would be nice if that happened), stopped by the hardware dude for a quick chat and to be introduced to a british girl who is unusually good looking for her accent, and got home just in time to take a call:

i'm irritated with the guys i did the c++ project for, they haven't taken the time to understand the code i sent them and they're modifying it in any event. three calls since, three different types of "what the hell are they doing?!"...

now waiting to hear about tonight's alternative training.

exhausted, smiling peacefully

the ending of the boxing episode is just insane. it put me in a very deep and emotional state.

until going out, i made odd noises with my guitar. that's what i bought it for :)

i finally backed up important stuff! thank you gnomebaker! it's the first intuitive software that hasn't junked my discs in two upgrades.


i took a sandwich for a walk to meet icg, and had an awkward moment when i got to coffeeholic and needed a toothpick. i should've waited to find a place where i didn't have a reason to talk to everyone :P

we sat over a beer and orange juice (i didn't have the juice) at a nice little cafe, then went to see a matter of size. what a brilliant movie! i've been wanting to see it for ages, and i'm really glad i did. i'm especially glad that i saw it with someone who enjoyed it ^_^

after the movie we found a bench and whiled away an hour or two musing: the longer we've talked, the prettier she's become. i've decided i quite like her, and that puts dystopia's advice very high in the rankings.

i just had a good catch-up with my mum on my way home. it's good to have good news :)

regarding saturday's link: i wasn't saying that the crimes spoken of were racially motivated, but that the claim that there's no racially motivated crime is absurd, also that discrimination (particularly affirmative action policy) most definitely exists.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

arbitrary elusive frustration

what the hell?! i've just lost half a day discovering that the weird results i was seeing were caused by c#'s rather stupid complexity in handling collection indices. it took all that time just to figure out that i hadn't done anything wrong... just the same, it's mighty weird that i haven't had any trouble with them until now :/

there's nothing worse than a randomly occurring defect.

i commented thursday on people being extreme in their "not talking to each other": today it hit home just how absurd it is that there's a girl in our unit who can't stand me (and i really don't know why) to such an extent that we stood next to each other for about a minute this afternoon while i was filling up my waterbottle, and didn't even look at each other.

this is silly.

a very dark feeling: my TL has assured me as much as he can that i won't have a problem getting to south africa for the Big Family Gathering (and vortex) this year; unfortunately, i can't trust our SC to put up any sort of fight on my behalf (he's really proven himself over the years) and the big, BIG boss who makes the final decision has absolutely no clue who i am.


drinking before bed was a good idea; i woke up feeling pretty good and even watched half an episode of battlestar galactica on the shuttle this morning. the boxing one, it's awesome. like all the other episodes :P

completely irrelevant side-note: a rather sexy blonde major eyeballing me in the mess hall this afternoon. a rare moment: they're not usually very sexy.

after today's anguish, i feel like a drink. is this how it starts? i'm gonna hold out. icg's already been in touch, we may just go see a movie tonight. it's like a consolation prize for not playing frisbee, but i would've liked to do both. actually, now that i've got all the major shopping out the way, i think i might head down to the beach for a bit.


everyone who knows me can identify me by my walk, but now that i'm constantly flexing my back muscles (ie sticking out my chest) i'm actually feeling a bit stiff and silly.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

loving stuff like the moon

einav jackson cohen and her guest, aya zahavi feiglin, shared a wonderful performance at levontin. olive's "olive" sandwich was a solid reminder that i hadn't eaten dinner, and the walk home was an excellent finish for the evening.

now to prepare for the week ahead. preparations include tequila and ambient trance. and setting my alarm clock to "super-freakin'-early".

[if i drink tequila after i've brushed my teeth, i don't need to brush them again - right?]

skin-deep aggressive

lunch was great - i can't believe i spent so much time producing so little text, but i did neaten up a few potential plots :)

i watched the second episode of the prisoner when i got back, and have been agitated since. possibly because something that appears to have made its home in my couch cover started eating my legs, and now i'm paranoid that i could have fleas or something.

as penance, the couch cover is currently being abused by my washing machine.

i'm also irritated that i can't seem to get any games working comfortably on ubuntu. in the big picture, this is probably a Very Good Thing, but i still want to.

no! there's no racial problem in south africa! morons. "tarnishing the image of the country"? the truth will do that.

team seamstress

i just finished sewing a hole in my pocket - i kept getting distracted by unimportant things, such as

  • loading my gift card for the holidays,

  • explaining to the guy i've been helping how to debug faulty code (and not doing it myself because i don't have an easy-to-use debugger installed),

  • giving up attempting to install command and conquer from the original disc ("unable to load setup.mix" - what the hell is that?!),

  • coming up with ideas for my potential dungeons and dragons game (and realizing that i may as well just write short stories [thanks moonflake for the inspiration] regarding all my characters and then wing it),
and accomplished all non-computer-related tasks on the patio :)

i think lunch is in order.

from penny arcade:
tekken 6, the comic
dragon age origins

from personal experience:
calvin's mistake
in a store with my parents, i turned around and hugged my mother's legs shouting "mommy!" [must've been about four or five years old] only to look up in horror when i heard their shock and laughter; it was someone else's mommy wearing the same jeans. i was mortified.


i'm frozen - i accidentally passed out before turning off the air conditioner.


i hate full stops in sms'es. it makes a message seem angry.

cheap sushi

i'm sitting at japanika, my excuse being that i've consumed a lot of alcohol post-workout without any more substance than *delicious* sorbet...

panic ensemble are simply unbelievable. every performance takes away more of my breath and suspends my disbelief to the point of magical surrealism.

they're not simply technically perfect on stage, but the emotions and extras that are intertwined really make it special.

i'm really glad i went, even if it was by myself.

Friday, September 04, 2009

in pink

a vision, all dressed in pink floral patterns and a cute hat, sliding down the road on her skateboard. she stops when she sees the giant tour bus trying to enter the tiny road, indicates to him to go back while calling the police to report him for the traffic violation.

breezy, sweaty friday

ducks for breakfast: primary topic of conversation was cognitive contamination / dissonance. weather cloudy and humid. cleared up in time for a meander down bograshov, looking at repeats of cool clothing (plazma stuff is awesome, though).

gift shopping: bought chocolate from one of the cheaper chocolatiers (i don't think our team-mate could tell the difference, really).

beach with icg: i went in [the water] twice, she didn't even take her clothes off. was a pleasant afternoon.

rollerblading: brilliant! excellent mission through the city, stopping a couple of times to hear poetry readings and to learn about the authors' lives.
i loved going about in a semi-smart shirt and my hat ;) [one of the cuter girls seemed very interested in my blades... hmmm]

now off for ice-cream, then rushing to levontin to catch panic ensemble. and if i'm too late, well, i'll just have a quiet beer instead.

i bought really nice trance-hippie style pants today (i wasn't pleased with the idiot shopkeeper, but they did only cost me NIS 20), i'm hoping that someone i know will go to the party tonight so i can try them out.

sleep of the dead

twelve hours brings me up to seven per night for the last three nights... and makes me unbelievably groggy.

Thursday, September 03, 2009


the first cup of coffee got me through to lunch, which impresses me no end. lunch drained me - maybe it was the crap food. at least the gaming conversation made it worth it - i must consider finding time for it.

the kinder and i have established healthy rapport:
"i hope you don't enjoy your meal"
"choke on your soup"
"have a terrible weekend"
"don't survive the ride home"

those are pretty much the only times i smiled the whole day :P

more communication dysfunction with my TL today. i wonder how much of it is me. i finally released a beta version of my primary project, already proving to be a good call. i like making headway :)
i'm amused that no matter how tired i am (to the point of hallucinating), i can still keep coding...

it was an awesome sneaker pimps day until my ipod's battery died.

i rescued myself with a smart drink soon after lunch, but that turned out to be a very temporary solution. by 2pm i was breaking, by 4pm i was fading away, and the shuttle's transit time had me out for the count.

not only did i suffer the spiritual unpleasantness of cutting my hair, i had to suffer the indignity of the hairdresser whirling off the protective cloth in a manner that dumped all the fine bits of hair all over me.

i didn't know that there are people in our unit who don't talk to each other with such severity that i actually had to maintain a conversation between two of them in order to get something work-related done. freaks.

i had one thing to do this evening: pick up my visa. i missed the closing time by about a minute. i'm exhausted, but i'm running laundry and had to get the online stuff out of my system. i reckon tonight's a good night for early bed. i'm debating going to get ice-cream... last night's date works at the gelateria (best one in the city)... free ice-cream would be... wait for it... the cherry on the top.

that's the second time i've done that today. i had to.

how cute is "enough"?

1.45am: we've been sitting and talking and drinking and laughing for over three hours. we decide to get the bill at movieing.

3.30am: we've just gotten the bill at benedict's, the "classic" for the win.

6.30am: hurting.


there's obviously a connection, the only concern is quantifying physical attraction. the whole night i was thinking "cute / dunno / cute / dunno" and i'm wondering / hoping that that's sleep-deprivation confusion.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

restless, blind

i would suspect my SC of attempting to exact revenge, but he probably doesn't remember why he would want to. after keeping me miserable and not letting me work for half a year, he's decided that the december / january holidays are just the right time to offload any extra projects he's anticipating onto me.

my TL told me not to worry, and i'm currently obtaining authorization from the higher-ups, but that doesn't stop my SC from having enough petty power to screw me over.

i despise him.


my previous post was correct, and although waking up was slow it wasn't a nightmare. and spring has sprung! i woke up and could open my apartment up without sweating ^_^

i worked the whole day on the fun project, and managed to bring it to the next stage - good enough that the others want to start using it too, which means that i'm going to have to figure out how to get around .net's intranet security issues :/

i was joined at lunch by the base commander, and he wanted to discuss the mess hall's improvement. i like sharing my opinion when it might come to something.

my back is driving me demented. i can almost feel the muscles improving, but the levels of discomfort are unbearable.

the goto guy and i went shopping for a birthday present after work, and i made my way home from azrieli semi-dazed. after ruining a plate in the microwave (the super-heated pita warped it) in order to do this week's standard (marmite and peanut butter), i tried to catch some nap-time on the couch.

so i've seen another episode of battlestar galactica, didn't actually fall asleep, showered, and am now going to movie-ing for a blind date.

totally worth it

i won't sleep a lot, but i know i'll sleep well :)

rollerblades, frozen yoghurt and beer

i needed that. nothing like syrup dribbling down one's face at high speed on a dark boulevard :D

ran into a guy i used to serve with, who spent a couple of months this year in cape town. it's unbelievable - all the things he was amazed and excited about (he's also planning on coming down for new year's) are the things i take for granted, the things that drive me nuts here because they're so unnecessarily different.

and that's not a complaint against israel in particular; cape town is just such a magical place (in spite of all its problems) that one cannot help but compare.

i've decided (with a little help from my beer) to watch some police academy.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

****ly, i'm so ****ly...

i find it unpleasant that my friends either aren't interested in the same things i am, and i have trouble connecting with people who are, or they're otherwise occupied by families and jobs. it's all very depressing.

so no frisbee this evening, and no shakespeare at the tmuna.

i would have gone for a drink - ta2's playing next door - but i'm not fond of drinking alone and i'm always awkward about going to bt's bar without company. instead, i've been playing with my guitar and moping.

i came across a ye olde page of mine from many years ago, on a backbone far, far away - and was brought back in time to my initiation into the cape legion of adventurers and wargamers: swordschool and one other accompanying me in my lab coat to harrass and freak out members of the student body attempting to make use of the elevator.

at least the caretaker finally arrived. we sorted out the maintenance fees for the rest of the year, we discussed a pipe that's been bothering me and he explained the renovation possibilities.

at least i'll be going rollerblading in a few.

phd's productivity graph: too true

for the first time ever, gmail's targeted ads hit their mark :P

frank zappa - Don't Eat The Yellow Snow, Nanook Rubs It, St. Alphonzos Pancake Breakfast, Father O'Blivion (or whatever that means)


good lord - i had an inspiring moment today, and came up with the basis for a dungeons and dragons module that seems appropriate for a group of people who like to stretch boundaries :)

i got some document writing done this morning, spent a lot of time wikiing, survived lunch, became extremely jealous of the jerk - who got released today - and suffered from very, very sore muscles.

i'm currently waiting for the caretaker, who's making an effort to avoid meeting me. and doesn't *get* the concept "i'm on the other line"...

it appears that i'm done with the c++ project: mission accomplished ^_^

so regina spektor is of russian origin - i'm going to have to pronounce her name correctly. which reminds me, i called the kinder today, and i've learned to say his name so well that he thought he'd heard one of the russians :D

pixar's partly cloudy is very cute :)

intermittent dreaming

late wake-up (or not): i can't imagine how my morning would have been otherwise - i was falling asleep in spite of the extra hour...

hearing loss: i'm beginning to become concerned. then again, i wasn't feeling well at all today* so it could just have been a symptom. i felt... detached today. disconnected. dream-state.

* my TL and i have decided that it's more than likely to be psychological.

complements to the chef: for the very first time, i managed to convince someone else to call the complaints hotline. ironically, it was to complement the catering company on a job well done and to make sure that it wasn't a once-off occasion: we were suspicious that our kitchen staff were merely putting on a show for an inspection.

what israelis in general don't understand is "consumer power". nobody makes a noise because they're all sure that they won't be heard :S

lucky ride, half asleep: for the second time, i left the base at the right time to get to the physio by bus - for the second time, i scored a lucky ride which afforded me time to change into civvies and drink a cup of coffee. a pity the coffee didn't help; i lie face-down on the massage bed and i'm gone, regardless of how much pain the physio causes me.

my back felt good afterwards, but it was short lived. my neck and shoulders began getting uncomfortable on the way to train with [dammit, haven't a clue what i called him... i'll have to go with parker] parker. by the time we called it quits i was feeling sore, and on the bus i was in enough agony to worry about passing out before i switched to sitting more comfortably. this "exercising back muscles" things isn't so straightforward, it seems.

oh, yes - and parker mentioned something that had us giggling. we both fall asleep in the dentist's chair, and the primary problem with that is the repeated shouting of "open wider!" every time our jaws go slack :P

holiday planning: w00t! we have a plan! i'm beginning to get excited for another much-needed holiday ^_^

bicycle grease: two cute girls, one with her bicycle chain unclipped. i'm very proud of myself for being able to fix it; unsure of whether or not i should have maybe asked for a number... what was going through my head at the time? a quote from the jewish oral tradition: "don't do things in order to receive compensation" - i wasn't, but it got stuck in my head regardless :/

i assumed that the guy i was going to meet for frisbee was too busy playing to respond, so i hopped a shuttle to the beach. i was halfway there when he sms'ed back to say he couldn't make it :(

on the way back, i had a cup of coffee; the guy working threw me a copy of ex centric - sound system, and the owner consulted a number of us regarding her decision to add a bookshelf to coffeeholic and let people donate / take books at will.

let them flow!

d&d books: how inspired am i? i suddenly remembered on the bus to ra'anana that parker is into gaming, and he brought me the player and dm guides for 3rd ed. definitely good enough :)

dinner: after limping home (i know where i damaged my ankle - tornado kick about two weeks ago. the repeat tonight is what gave it away) and showering, i made myself a quick tuna salad and found out that i can wake up "late" again tomorrow.

but i still decided that it's not a night to go out drinking.

two wired items that caught my imagination:
1. nanoraptors! i know what *i* want for christmas ^_^
2. treating spaceballs like the rocky horror picture show

wolfmother's new album is almost available - pity not in israel.

yay! someone with the same facial recognition issue i have!

have a happy new season!