Tuesday, July 31, 2007

CIVIL LIBERTY and OTHER DEGRADED THINGS

helmet_law

i learned, very young, that if i jumped from a high enough point onto hard ground i would hurt myself. there are many people who practise a sport known as "tricking", which is essentially the art of jumping, falling, climbing, and otherwise flipping from and to hard ground, metal bars, solid walls, dodgy stairs and in general taking some pretty serious risks. sometimes serious falls, too, but then it's their own fault and they have to deal with the consequences.

tough.

we're very good at that sort of thing - finding exhiliarating ways in which to endanger our lives and pull through, survive, and otherwise feel good about ourselves and the world we live in, where we are challenged in various ways and we are given opportunities to overcome those challenges.

what i'm ranting about is nothing that extreme. i was skateboarding since i was about the size of a board, and rollerblading since my teenage years (a lot longer ago than i'm comfortable with). i'm not even on the same playing field as the professionals, i don't really do any tricks, but i'm more comfortable on wheels than i am in a pair of shoes and i've never really had any trouble negotiating bad roads (and we who pay our taxes still suffer plenty of those) and traffic. unless, of course, i've been deliberately doing something stupid.

nobody has made a pedestrian falling over illegal.
no, wait, nobody has ever made pedestrians potentially falling over, without protection, illegal. i've just received a formal warning by a couple of beer-bellied, close-to-pension policemen (traffic wardens? i can't tell the difference in this country) for rollerblading without a helmet.

i consider this a robbery of civil liberties. for me, putting on my blades is the same as going for a run, and i'm certainly not going to put on a helmet to do that. in fact, i'm fairly confident that if anybody proposed a law mandating that all joggers wear helmets in the event that they cross a road at some point in their run they'd be made a laughing stock, because that would be stupid.

however, cyclists are required by law to wear protection, so now rollerbladers and even skateboarders are as well.

i love how the legal system manages to get everything backwards. instead of protecting the pedestrian and somewhat mobile population from bad drivers by preventing said drivers from getting behind the wheel, they leave them be and ruin the fun for the rest of us.
some of the responses i've received from boys in blue-ish over the years have been positively inspiring, like this gem:
"if the driver of a car runs over a rollerblader it's automatically his fault, so it's not fair of you to be in the way."
maybe, now i'm just stabbing in the dark with this one - maybe in a case like that somebody should try to verify who's to blame?
naaah. too much policework. and we wouldn't want them actually working, now would we?
oh, that's right. they're overworked. with real issues. then deal with those instead, you fat bastards.

and by fat bastards i'm referring to lawmakers as well as those paying them any more attention than they deserve.

in the united states the motto is "protect and serve", and although that's the gist of the western world's attitude towards policing (as it should be, that is) if they continue to make us uncomfortable "for our own good", when i have the right to make mistakes and pay for them, we're headed down a dark path where it simply won't be worth it for anyone to even try to be lawful. i could've picked any of a number of stupid laws to base this statement off of, but obviously it's now personal.

and this is coming from me, an idiot so upholding of the law that his friends are concerned when he stops for a red light and there's no one about... when on foot, in the middle of the night. i don't litter, i don't vandalize, i don't hurt anyone, i drive defensively and carefully, and i serve my country to the best of my ability (i'm a professional soldier).

i don't own a helmet, and i don't agree with this law. at the very least, the idiot who approved this bill should send me the required protection. however, i know how stupid and unfair our legal system is, and how little my voice is, so i'm going to resort to buying the ugliest helmet i can find, maybe even go so far as a crash-helmet, and i'm going to dress it up with a police siren and maybe a bicycle bell to warn whoever i approach at such dangerously high speeds.

maybe i should wear full body armour. maybe riot gear. in fact, i'm considering selling my blades, buying a television set and staying at home glued to it instead. because out there it's just not safe anymore.

tickets!

tickets_shouted
[i couldn't deal with the gimp's selection tool, and this is what me giving up looks like]

spot shouted it at the same time as my phone began beeping, the reminder "tickets!" flashing at me with uncanny serendipity. we have tickets! to nine inch nails!

i woke up late this morning (on purpose, this time), put in the laundry, and woke spot up. he made us a solid breakfast and could take the washing out.

i would've caught the bus if i hadn't left my dog-tags behind... i had to take a taxi to the train station, which was an annoying waste of cash.

a large part of today was sitting in transit. not cool. but it was a fun day, educational, and as much hebrew as was thrown at me i handled well, understood, participated and didn't fall asleep ^_^

and lunch was really good.

when i got home all sweaty and gross, i was faced with the option of showering and becoming disgusting again, or just going out as is. i went with showering later.

spot and i got the tickets, and then went to sit at another coffee shop in the area that we've never visited before. the service wasn't good, but it was provided with a smile by a really cute waitress, and the attitude really does make all the difference. we had plenty of time to discuss the sad state this world is in...

specifically the current situation with iran. it would be interesting to see, if the americans pulled out (which we know is impossible to do gracefully, these are arabs they're dealing with), how long it would take for the iranians to move in to iraq and afghanistan. world war three, anyone? the americans would be in an incredibly uncomfortable situation, the arab league probably would be forced to side with the new big boy, india would be in deep shite and the EU would be pretending neutrality while inherently supporting the arabs. russia would be needlessly defensive, the chinese amused, and we'd be screwed.

but that's just the short, quick-and-dirty version of a long session of mental masturbation :P

partly because i hadn't showered yet, i was inspired to go for a blade, which i haven't done in a long while. see the post above for the reason that i came home pissed, having a good scream and laugh with our neighbour (ex-police) before coming inside to shower and rant.

sssstuttter

sssstuttter

i slept enough last night (but i won't tonight, it's already past midnight and i only just finished reading the horrors of the open-minded [when it's open on principle and the owner ceases to think]

i began the day with the final stage of my professional review, which went well except for the fact that my SC and i have agreed that i need to learn to flirt and joke in hebrew if i want to get to a point where i'll be ready for officer's course. that's a tad sadder than it sounds, believe you me.

my TL laughed at me today - he asked me to write something for a team-mate's birthday card. not being confident language-wise and hating my hebrew handwriting (it's all scribbly), i wrote it on a separate piece of paper (complete with scratching-out) and drew a quick diagram for my TL so he would know where to write it and how to attach the envelope to the gift.

he couldn't stop himself from giggling, and wanted to include the script alongside the card because he sees it as adorable as when his little kids (who can barely write) try to give their parents something sweet. i did a lot of blushing and arguing before he stopped making fun of me :(

we had an unusual lunch, and i was called into a long meeting for which i *just* had time to organize my coffee. i spent a lot of the afternoon studying... about fifteen minutes before the second meeting of the day, i was sitting on the steps when some tosser came up to bum a smoke. now i wouldn't have minded, but i abhor the idiocy required to produce a statement like "are you reading?" when my head's stuck in a book, and to then continue to attempt striking up a conversation (that's totally uninteresting in unexpected ways) in spite of the unpleasant and rather mean responses. including not noticing being ignored.

oh, yes, and the kinder pissed me off a number of times today - fortunately my TL was present for one of them and heard what set me off, because for once he didn't ask me to tone down my aggression. he's a right ponce, this one, and later on in the evening when i informed him that i wasn't going to do something that he should've done, he informed me that he was doing his job "as a favour" to me... i don't like him. my reactions towards him have progressed smoothly from friendly, to aloof, to curt, to snappish, and are now at downright nasty.

the evening's work was interesting, and educational, and we left having completed a lot and planned a lot more. unfortunately when i tried to think about what i'd done today (we do have to report hours) my brain stuttered, and i was almost home before the missing hours came back. it was just one of those days, i guess.

now i'm going to bed, and today (tomorrow) should be an interesting one...

during the meeting i drew the following, while listening with half an ear and chipping in two cents every so often:
box_system_skip
box_drawing_kingsbox_figure_crash

Sunday, July 29, 2007

JTHFSDBL

frustrated_trash

Just Too Hot For Sitting Down Bleeding Life
Hot, sticky, sandy, dusty, humid, frustrating, infuriating, dirty, slimy, irritating and aggravating. these are the words that define today for me, even though i'm now sitting in a cool room after a cold shower planning on a drink and lots of sleep.

JUST MAKING IT
i woke up on time this morning, but had half an hour's worth of dishes to do. i don't know what's wrong with me in the morning, and i'm beginning to think that without caffeine infusion, real cause for panic or jump leads attached to my nads, i'm just not capable of leaving with room to breathe.

TEAM FAILURE
there were two people that i could rely on today, out of quite a few that let me down in a big way. everyone had their assignment and their reactions were the equivalent of getting up on a theatre stage, out of costume, and reading your lines in a bored voice. it's just not going to bring the play to life.

HURRIED WAIT
we were done a favour (i love favours) by someone who had agreed to provide us with a vehicle. we were running late when he popped his head in the door, and gave us the phone number of the man with the keys - who had entered the synagogue and was going to be praying for the next half an hour. waiting for him was totally not stressful.

FALLING DOWN
after getting sorted with ice and water, i was pushing two stacked containers pretty fast and i didn't notice the slightly-raised metal plate tucked into the door-jamb. the bottom container stuck, the top flew over it with me following, and i don't know what specifically my leg connected with but it's an unhappy graze / bruise. the best part of that confidence-inspiring situation was being shouted at for making a noise when the top container landed.

SHOPPING DISASTER
okay, it went a lot smoother than it could have... it's just that i hate shopping on a small scale, and on a large scale i feel my chest constricting. being hungry doesn't help, either.

DRIVER ISSUES
after missing the fun part of the tour, and passing out when our unit commander was speaking to us (his secretary woke me up with a text message informing me that by the look on his face i was going to be beaten), and not really eating lunch because of the heat and stress, i got on the bus to face off with the driver. he turned out to be a complete ponce, and either bitched and whined or made snide remarks and told us how crap we are.

and he couldn't much drive, either.

BEACH WOES
the guys managed to find a dodgy section of beach and we ended up squatting on what could have passed for a landfill. it wasn't close enough to an area with posts for a volleyball net, which could almost be considered a good thing seeing as it was too hot and gross to play. turned out one of the coolers was left behind, and we only discovered the watermelon once we'd already thrown out the knives. couldn't play frisbee because of the otherwise-useless breeze, and i didn't really feel like going for a swim.

LESSON
(a) team
    be extremely careful who you give assignments to. some people just don't care, and won't suddenly start because everyone's relying on them - in fact i'm fairly confident that the kinder was deliberately trying to prove that he shouldn't be given responsibility.
(b) authority
    if i can help it, i will never again take over from someone else's arrangements unless i'm going to start again from the beginning. being included halfway and not being given all the keys puts an extremely bad taste in my mouth, and i don't like having to apologize for other people's screw-ups. that's not related to (a), by the way.
(c) selfishness
    in other news, when i got back to base i had a chat with my SC, and i learned that with the other sections i should have been less helpful and trusting during the last week. i'm a bit ambivalent at the moment.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

kneaded, ready for bed

massage_ready

i spent today catching up on news and comics, watching amusing simpson drug adventures, and reading terry pratchett - night watch (great stuff as usual).

i visited our neighbour for a great hour+ massage from one of her friends, and then spot and i went to return the video and have coffee.

i am totally stiff and sore, all over, and tomorrow morning is our unit trip that i can feel is going to go sour. so i definitely need to get to sleep.

whitewashed

a perfect circle - orestes: this is the second time this track's done it for me. and marilyn manson - the red carpet grave funks me out every time ^_^

i've been up a short while now, i woke up to a room that's too clinically white for it's own good... the dust storm is in full effect, everything's just the wrong shade.

the kid and i went to the beach yesterday morning: no luck finding a beach-brolly, but we did buy a frisbee and had a fun morning. around lunchtime we headed back, and after de-sanding i napped until early evening.

i went downstairs for a cigarette, and as i got back indoors spot called me to ask me if i was going to join him downstairs - apparently the two of us had been sitting right outside the entrance at the same time without seeing each other, i'm holding quantum responsible.

the three of us went to movie-ing, for a good breakfast and some laughs with the cute manager, and rented aeon flux. spot and i watched it when we got home, it's a fun movie. the kid was watching it when i got up this afternoon, and reminded me of the time i got called a deathist because i believe that a limited life-span is necessary for humans.

i was in two minds about last night's going out, i didn't really want to go out with spot because as much fun as the party sounded i didn't want to meet up with his british friend who i've had issues with for years, and aside from not remembering exactly where the koltura is i do know that it's too far.

i ended up going with spot anyway, and dealing with his friend wasn't too unpleasant, and the party was sick and solid. wicked drum 'n bass and crazy people, it was a serious party and i was on that dancefloor doing the epileptic thing for hours.

pity it got a bit boring around 5am, and a short while later we were on our way home. spot shocked me with his lack of biblical knowledge - yes, yes, belief is all well and good but there are certain points (positive and negative) about one's nation's history that one really should be familiar with.

Friday, July 27, 2007

the hoary hairy eyeball



last night was fun, but in my weakened state i probably shouldn't have had so much to drink... "so much" being about two beers. one of them was won in a game of pool*, so i really didn't have a choice :P

i got a ride to the cocktail room - please bear in mind that i was only going to say hi to the mongoose and his girlfriend, who weren't there - and stayed there for an hour or more while ta2 played great music. the two shots i was bought were not a good idea, and for about ten minutes i was having trouble staying on my chair and keeping my eyes open simultaneously...

the second i sensed the music diving, i took it as my cue to slog down the road and hop into a shuttle. i got home, showered, and turned on my pc - i've never seen a pc's graphics card crash before. strange patterns, my speakers whined something aweful, the monitor turned itself off, and when i restarted it only detected 8 of the 128 megabytes of RAM... that was quite frightening. it seems to have resolved itself, though.

i woke up around 8am, unhappily due to the horrid heat and humidity and having slept on both arms which hurt unresponsively. my brain hurts, too.

* obscenely expensive table - and the waitress looked at me incredulously when i pointed out that NIS 10 (R16!) for a game is a bit rude.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

you do know, this means *BZZRT*



of course i missed the shuttle this morning. of course, this was one of the most disgusting days since that week of hell a month or two ago. and of course, my headache hasn't subsided yet.

just before getting off the bus, a soldier passing me pointed out something on the floor - some girl had left her army id behind. bugger my sense of duty, and my lack of desire to get some stranger court-martialled over such crap. so instead of turning it into the authorities, i tracked her down myself, and she was both delighted and mortified to get my call.

i was totalled when i walked into the hour long instruction, and our SC kept getting on my case and repeatedly reminded me of things that we'd already agreed on, and i had to keep raising my head from my [sadly] empty cup of coffee to respond.

this morning was a solid collection of stressful disorganization. i had lunch that disagreed with me horribly, and on top of that had to deal with the more physical exertions of the miserable organization operation. my afternoon was off to a sucky start.

luckily my TL came to the rescue with a superb array of ice-creams, hot chocolate sauce, vermicelli and other sprinkles, and whipped cream (i told him my horror story, he was giggling with a grimace for a while), and that was about to pick me up when i went back to work.

it would've been boring, but the printer kept jamming. i was getting frustrated... me with my infinite patience... and somehow (no, really, i actually wasn't applying force) managed to bugger up the paper tray. once that was sorted out (and i'd discovered that i couldn't cancel an incorrect print-job to our second printer), i needed to shred the misfeeds... and then the shredder packed up.

apparently it does that, and it's not my fault, but in that state it's difficult to not take that sort of behaviour personally.

i took a break to sit outside in the muggy, clammy, dust-saturated sunshine to study, smoke and listen to incubus, and when i came back up and was closing shop for the day, i received a phone call requesting that i get to work on something new.

hmmm. i told him i'd send him some of the details he was missing and that he'd have to do it, to which he agreed, but then i felt bad about shirking responsibility (i'm such a sucker) that i did it anyway and sent him the results. he was pleased, and i felt better about myself (i'm such a sucker), and soon after that the day was over and it was time to get home.

i was going to exercise, but apparently we're on for mike's place this evening so i'm just gonna do a few pull-ups and go.

post-hangover sleep-induced exhaustion

email

i woke up at 6.15am, and was extremely grateful when spot came home and informed me that the buses were running. i even made it to base on time this morning :)

the word "hangover" sums up my day quite succinctly. i spent most of it communicating, some of it arguing about attitudes towards the army (and our situation in general), and around 16.15 three of us hopped on a bus down south.

i finished neil gaiman - anansi boys (what a wonderful book!), and slept a little, before meeting up with hundreds or thousands of officers and nco's in the middle of the desert to watch a well put-together memorial and listen to a couple of speeches, before heading back to the buses (total confusion) and passing out for most of the 2.5 hour journey back to tel aviv.

i can't get myself comfortable sitting, especially on buses or in aeroplanes. i find that in order to position myself for sleeping or reading i need to cross my ankles and rest my knees about head-height on the back of the seat in front of me, but as comfortable as i find that position it doesn't take too long for my legs and buttocks to fall asleep.

i hate long rides.

i'm home, though, and i now have four hours to shower and sleep. but tomorrow is thursday, last day of a very tired week. i must remember to organize my vacation time, my mommy's arriving in a couple of weeks!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

au natural



all new things seem fine, and this no less. in fact, quite a lot more - it's now 2.45am, and i'm pleased with the fact that i just left the flat she's staying at, we talked for ages and i definitely had a good time.

now for the hard part - seeing how worth it my early morning wake-up will be: the buses are all on strike so i'll have to leave here 6.15 at the very latest...

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

productivity translation



listening to ac/dc live at the moment, which the kid bought for me in addition to incubus - light grenades which has just been ripped for my ipod.

^_^

due to the fast day i had to get a ride off base this morning to organize food and cigarettes, which was a good way to start it.

today itself was an exercise is management madness, most of it was spent communicating and organizing :S
i did, however, manage to tip a lot of my workload onto other people (*ahem* delegate *ahem*), and i learned all sorts of interesting stuff amongst the boring bits.

due to free phone calls for today, i spent quite a while playing catch-up with people i otherwise wouldn't have thought to call. that was educational :)

i got home, showered, changed and went shopping with spot. we came back a short while ago from perching at a coffee shop reading, and i must re-iterate just how gorgeous neil gaiman - anansi boys is!

gonna nap, then we're off to pick up the british girl and go to the cocktail room for a rock special :)

Monday, July 23, 2007

priorities



i went to bed soon after posting, and woke up at 6am. i began the day picking up writhing maggots from the floor that had spilled from a tinfoil tray that spot had left on the counter.

i missed the shuttle again this morning, but managed again to get on an early enough bus from the central station. incubus songs were rolling through my head the entire day, and marilyn manson's new album really is great.

i managed my time much better today, and had a decent lunch as well. an amusing message got me phoning orange - they have a new thing that one's contract has a birthday, so tomorrow i have free calls to anyone on the network. *packs charger*

it's working now, but my sat-phone got silly this afternoon - every time i plugged in a charger (and i used different ones, and even switched out the battery) it informed me, quite politely, that the battery was "invalid". that's just odd.

chore wars is basically an online version of what we have going in our apartment, without the threat of being thrown out. speaking of chores, that's what i've been doing along with having my mind temporarily abducted by the internet, but it's just been returned so i'm showering and going to bed.

that date didn't happen last night, and it's not happening tonight because it's tisha b'av, and we're mourning the destruction of the temple.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

forcefully decomposing



i'm just now taking a break from sleeping - going out was metaphorically rained out.

i felt broken this morning, and i was irritable most of the day primarily because i needed co-operation to perform my tasks that i didn't feel i was getting. it might be a long week :S

i almost fainted this evening, and i remembered that aside from lack of sleep, all i'd eaten the entire day was a pastry for breakfast and a few blocks of chocolate. a roast beef sandwich covered that, and i crashed post-shower as soon as i got home.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

pondering: caffeine, alcohol, impatience, spontaneity, taxi cabs



[mostly written on a pc keyboard attached to a mac - an educational experience in itself]

on the way to my original primary base on thursday morning, i was reminded of that worn-out pick-up line:
how do you like your eggs in the morning? boiled, fried or - CAFFEINATED [my version's interrupted]

my day began wonderfully - i managed to prove my worth to a number of people and that did my confidence no end of good. the looks on their faces when they registered that they were dealing with someone who isn't just along for the ride makes me feel all gooey and excited ^_^

granted, in order to survive the meeting i had to power up. the iced-coffee on the way to the base, a redbull two minutes prior to the meeting, and then super-strong coffee halfway through :P
i'm not going to dwell too much on the massive quantities of caffeine i ingested during the rest of the day, it would make me feel bad.

i received a really nice pin that i can't wear - that's rather annoying.
in the middle of the meeting, a really cute girl ran into our office, looked around in a panic, then ran out again. two seconds later her commander ran in, grabbed a bottle of water from the desk, and ran out - we discovered later that she'd made officer the other day, and mistakenly informed her commander that she hadn't gone through shtifa, a tradition of drenching an "achiever" with water, or anything else that more or less resembles a liquid.

thursday was a funny day - if i was george from seinfeld i would've been constantly making a hasty exit; the gems that i felt i was practically exhaling actually had the desired effect, which is unusual because i'm used to receiving odd looks and "what the hell is he on about?"

i learned never to order shakshuka (an israeli egg and tomato mixture) in a roll again, it's messy and not satisfying enough to be justified.

after lunch i caught the kinder working on something against the instructions we'd received, and after a shouting match we consulted the resident authority, only to discover that his mistake had uncovered an error in the instructions themselves. the episode reminded me of a sentiment that i don't usually think about because it's so well internalized: loyalty to the greater good comes above personal pride and rivalry - an insinuation to the contrary really put my back up.

at least the issue was resolved.

i had to learn a bit of perl, and once i found what i was looking for the solution came quickly and fluidly. this spawned an interesting conversation on code obfuscation, and we came up with a couple of artistic project ideas that will probably never materialize.

to sum up the day: i've received even more responsibility, my desk is stacked with work and i'm over-booked, and i'm absolutely loving it. my brain's working! [on fire, more like ^_^]

i was supposed to meet up with a couple of guys at mike's place in the evening, but only one other arrived and that was about 45 minutes after i did. i sat there alone, contemplating the day and repeating "the spirit of the IDF" a few times, and in all that time not a single waitress so much as looked in my direction. unbelievably good service :S

the two of us talked shop for an hour, and when he left i shuffled over to the bench next to me to chat with a couple of cute english girls. i didn't think there was such a thing :P
we sat talking and laughing for a while, and i got the cutest one's number before walking through to the cocktail room. the only unpleasant thing in all of that was some horribly drunk old french guy, who began falling all over the girls and starting to get physical before we managed to chase him away. it got me into a really violent mode, but he was an old drunk so it was hard to deal with.

the cocktail room was meant to be a stopover on the way to the lincoln, but ta2 convinced me that it would be a good night and i got my flat-mates to come over. it was pretty good for the first while, but then it started sucking royally and it totally pulled my mood down.

we walked home, spot and i fighting most of the way, and i eventually got to bed irked.

friday morning began at 10am, and it took an hour to wake the guys up to deal with evolved leftovers and get ready to do the do's of the day.

after a serious shop, we came home for breakfast. spot broke my decorative plate that i received as a gift from the army, and that right pissed me off. aside from that breakfast was good, and then spot and i left to do the inedible shopping.

neither of us like shopping. i hate malls, and i hate people who can't move in a relatively efficient manner. i get claustrophobic and crazy really fast.

we bought a pull-up bar and a foot-pump for my inflatable mattress, i made the mistake of walking into the music store and came out with half my money gone, but the new marilyn manson album and two incubus discs to show for it. we then spent the next couple of hours unsuccessfully hunting a beach umbrella and nine inch nails tickets.

after passing and greeting a bunch of ze germans, and the austrian girl, we met up with the kid at movieing, for a pleasant and amusing cup of coffee. then it was a mad rush home to pack and barely make the last bus to jerusalem, because ru55 had called me up and informed me that i simply had no choice in the matter - the chance to hear "dj with disappointing non-set" from independence day was worth another crazy mission.

i finally finished licensed to kill on the bus: excellent book.

i arrived, cleaned up (and learned a lesson about chafing - hadn't intended to walk so much), and had a good friday night meal. we all chilled for a couple of hours, and then ru55 and i headed off.

the party was great, and the place was beautiful - a private farm snuggled between the territories' borders and privately owned, meaning we shouldn't have had to worry about the police shutting it down. it was a tad on the expensive side, but for such a good setup and proper security et al, it was worth it. the music was great. the crowd was alright, far better than last time.

and we even got an hour or so of dancing in the sunlight before the music went off and the cops shoo'ed us out.



after a pretty drive home (it's as good an excuse as any), i spent the day (minus two hours of napping) reading neil gaiman - anansi boys (styling as usual), sketching, and having ru55 teach me some interesting chemistry in order to explain some electronics to me. i feel that i must learn more.

i left the apartment around 20.30, and after the bus hadn't pitched i hopped into a taxi with a bunch of soldiers. the seat had recently been vacated, and the vacator had left me a lovely puddle to sit in. as someone with serious germ-issues, this was not welcome. i'm still, excuse the pun, pissed off.

which is sad, because otherwise i've had one of those super-rare happy days.

i'm home, i've had a shower (in which i've scrubbed excessively), and i'm now going to sleep the sleep of kings. tomorrow night i'm going out with the english girl and her pack - i've been instructed to bring mine to keep them occupied :P

tool - schism is stunning - where would this world be without opium fiends??
marilyn manson - heart-shaped glasses is good, i'd been expecting something far less tasteful

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

on form



a flash of yesterday, my sphere of existence

where i stand i'm visible to
my peers for today
when i look back, i see
yesterday's, smiling and waving
but they won't step closer
they see only an empty desk, and empty
chair, waiting for a new story
a few fine threads connecting
us, myself to a world in the past,
a different me from who i
remember
with an empty sense of belonging


i'm overloaded with work, so there's not too much to say... it's so good to be under positive pressure ^_^

i walked in on a 1.5 hour knowledge-transfer half an hour late this afternoon... or an hour early, considering the amount i actually got out of it :S
the kinder actually proved useful this evening, but it was by accident. i got home late after a bit of eventual success, and have to get to sleep really soon so that i can make full use of the redbull and tinned iced-coffee in my early-morning meeting.

i'm such a boy scout! and it's thursday already!! (pretty much :D)

multi-titled

time_reversal

i was going for .ing the i's and -ing the t's,
then reversed frame-by-frame,
i'm an empty desk
and finally this has turned out to be a shitty day and i'm sick of it.

i just can't decide! (but i've a suspicion that that last one might be too long)

my schedule's been filled up with all sorts of unrelated and interesting responsibilities, and i'm *indicates* this close to feeling good about it. probably tomorrow when i've slept the rest of today away, because nystire and i couldn't get a ride down south and wasted a lot of time on the train and buses. although i slept, i slept awkwardly, and the ride back didn't improve anything, especially screwing up when i was almost home by responding awkwardly when asked for help by a little old lady with three enormous bags (she could have fit into any one of them comfortably) who wanted to enter the bus... we all usually get shouted at for entering at the back, but apparently the driver had already acknowledged and after taking a second to check her out in my standard paranoia (i don't really want to be the one responsible for hauling a mass of explosives onto a packed bus) and then picking up the first bag some girl jumped out in a huff to take another, pushing me out the way so that i couldn't help with the third, and i felt like a complete asshole.

the only amusing thing from today was giving a brief and cynical history of southern africa to the kinder, with verbal annotations by nystire, throwing in absolutely rediculous and unbelievable claims just to make things more interesting.
oh, and his response to "swallow first, THEN try talking to me" was a garbled "i - don't - like - to - swallow" :P

it was awkward seeing so many people from my old base, and feeling that the two-and-a-half years of service there has really become past-tense, and while it's a good thing in general it's unfortunate as far as personal relationships go.

Monday, July 16, 2007

mango upheaval

mangos
[click to enlarge - now with real colours!]

i slept for a couple of hours, woke up to spot hanging the laundry in a flat panic, and would've continued to enjoy the mango i grabbed if only i hadn't come across whatever weirdness was eerily cocooned inside.

now to go back to bed. too much internet has rotted my brain.

a cure for learned fear
it's a shame that for optimus prime, the aforementioned cure won't help.

wired redemption

redemption

i was bright enough to down a redbull before my meeting this morning... only it was postponed an hour, so halfway through the effect wore off and my eyes were rolling, i couldn't focus and i wrote things down that afterwards i couldn't remember why.

it might explain the feeling that i'm missing something. i've been given a good job to do, and it's my first one so i'm now terrified of screwing it up. at the same time, it appears that i'm good to go. i just wish i wasn't so damn tired all the time.

nap time now, just to see if i can fix it. if i wasn't feeling so low i'd be jumping up and down :P

Sunday, July 15, 2007

grizzly and grouchy

repress

i'm still drooling over transformers. and i can't wait to see the new fantastic four! (i'm a tad slow, okay?)

after a slow wake-up this morning i caught the shuttle and enjoyed a good couple of hours at work. then i was interrupted again: on wednesday i finished my assigned work on time (this is the horrible stuff), and on thursday more was found for me. by thursday's end i'd finished it, and today i was loaded with still more. this is becoming hopeless.

i had a haircut, the guy finally stopped being annoyed by my lack of communication skills and managed to figure out what i was getting at :P

on my way to getting my haircut i tried to get a ride, and the guy who drove past made angry gestures and appeared to be shouting, although his window was closed. he drove off, which was annoying, and on his way back from wherever he'd been he pulled over to scream at me:
"you're walking past a no-stopping area! don't flag people down!"
my response was quite calm, considering that i outrank him - unfortunately i didn't think to alert him to the fact that where he'd stopped to shout at me was also a no-stopping area.

nystire and i went to rockon's farewell, which was a little odd and i couldn't eat the food. he joined me when i went to grab something to eat afterwards, and we were unfortunately subjected to a bit of what had to have been a sequel to scary movie. it was horrible.

after we got back, i passed out for a short while (the lunch hadn't agreed with me anyway, i may as well have taken my chances with the pizza), and went back to the grindstone. i finished up again, spent about half an hour on what *i* needed to be doing, and remembered to call the guy about tickets to the NIN concert... w00t! turns out peeping tom might be appearing too!

i passed out on the shuttle home, almost missing my stop* and pissing off the driver (he's a tad crabby, lately), and after a quick shower spot and i went for coffee, buying cardboard to black out the toilet window on the way.

i've been online since i got back, and now i'm going to bed early. good night!

* it irks me no end that i was having a really intense dream, in which i'd actually thought to myself that it was important to remember when i woke up, and the driver's little hissy-fit pushed it straight out of my mind.

(!)

transformer

i could talk about cleaning, watching a great movie (lucky number s7evin - very cool), or about eating a good burger, then great cake, showering and going to bed.

or i could just blah over it all, like i just did in my head, and talk about how intensely brilliant transformers shines, how convincing it was visually, or how the script was an instant classic. the re-lived childhood moment lingers ^_^

i could happily pay to see it again.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

all dressed up with no-one to go with

disco_show

the kid and i went out shopping, and got stuck in a t-shirt store. great store, but unfortunately their gear was just not what i'm looking for. except for the M*A*S*H boxers, with the huge red cross marking the spot.

after fighting with a toy-store owner - he wanted to sell me something to spray cats with, and i don't think that spraying cats with water is very nice - the kid disappeared and i met up with spot for breakfast.

spot's reading robert jordan - lord of chaos again, and i picked it up and immediately flipped to dumai's wells - the most powerful scenario i've ever come across. if anyone were to put that to the big screen faithfully, it would be absolutely beautiful.

the breakfast was good, but i was too tired to enjoy it, and the lack of service was frustrating (and it wasn't the waitress' fault, apparently). however, spot got hit on by some old french woman, and i find that quite amusing.

walked home, napped, got up and onlined, and then realized that it was late if i wanted to go to the beach. the kid and i joined spot, his sister and his mom on the sand, and sat talking rubbish until the beach-dude decided that he wanted his chairs back.

the kid and i went to movie-ing, took out lucky number s7even (neither of us have seen it), and then visited mmf to watch the israeli version of american idol. we came home via the ice-cream parlour, i showered, and then discovered that none of my friends wanted to go out.

so i went out with our neighbour and her friend, for a largely amusing evening. i got home around 5am, played fallout 2 for an hour or two, and finally went to sleep.

now to clean, then watch the movie, and then go out to watch transformers!!!

Friday, July 13, 2007

the stabbing behind my eyes

gazebo_sunset

7.15 i arrived on base yesterday, already excited to be back doing something useful. during the first couple of hours i discovered that i'd been right the night before, and i've learned something that apparently nobody else knew - satisfying :)

one of the guys and i had a juggling contest - it gets weird when your arms begin falling asleep.

before lunch, we received a top-level command: even shittier work than we've been doing for the past three weeks. that was when the headache began.

lunch was good, but didn't agree with me, and i spent the rest of the day regretting it on top of the splitting headache i'd already developed. in the late afternoon i was treated to some frozen enlightenment, which i would have appreciated a lot more if i hadn't been feeling so aweful.

i slept most of the way home, and after a serious conversation with spot about club sandwiches* we were off to mike's place.

on the way i had a moonflake moment - we turned into a main street and my eyes immediately rested on the most god-aweful plumber's butt. when i pointed it out to spot (i had to), he gave a "mufasa" shiver and we kept repeating it until we were out of the danger zone.

mike's place was fun, although i wasn't 100% so the alcohol hit me pretty hard, and i didn't have an appetite at all either :S
it was a highly amusing evening with the team plus a couple more (nystire: none of us can believe that you drank that much, and we're still laughing about the information you imparted on the foxy girl).

we were discussing the privacy issues brought up by a recent slashdot post on privacy... i had barely touched my beer when i misquoted: "i'll show your yours if you'll show me mine" :/

after walking home late, bowing out of spot's friend's party (i was too tired), and having a cup of the kid's watermelon "smoothie", i spent a couple of hours playing fallout 2 and then crashed.

this morning i vacuumed the other side of my room, and everything feels clean. in a couple of hours we have another waterfight, so we're off to shop for equipment now.

*two scenarios:
a) bulky guy with a club sandwich tattoo'ed on an enormous bicep
b) obese slob with the same tattoo on his belly
c) the two passing each other in the street, with both on display

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

net load overload over loaded net



a morning with the immigration office. the woman who "did me a favour" by seeing me without an appointment (we're not mentioning out loud that it's their policy to see soldiers without) shouted at me for not understanding her when we were both using two completely different sets of terminology.

the woman in charge of the place sorted that one out, and someone else helped put things in perspective. i wasn't trying to be aggressive, but i'll be damned if i'm going to let some paper-slave take out her rough morning on me.
as was to be expected, when i asked her her name and carefully wrote it out, making a show of scribbling little notes, she got even more pissy.

i arrived on base in time for lunch, but i decided to work instead. i got through all the shit i had to do by the time everyone else was going home, and that's a day early, so i could spend the next couple of hours focusing on something that's important to me.

i arrived at the cafeneto around 9pm, in time for a fun conversation about pattern-matching and algorithms with spot and a friend of his. according to his friend, it's been recently discovered that every celebrity gets his / her own little neural cluster in your head. that's pretty amusing.

it's 11pm already, which is nuts. i'm going to bed.

no sugar in this clip

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

performance review



i forgot - the immigration office doesn't do tuesdays. i got something sorted out that i'll need when i *do* get there, but that doesn't make me feel that much better about it.

although i will say that just walking around the streets of tel aviv early on a summer morning did me a world of good mentally: we associate so much with smells and weather, and we distill from our memories the prime emotions from our favourite memories so that when we encounter a trigger we can relive that essentially perfect moment.

so this morning took me back to my first israeli summer with lake, and it was great ^_^

i had a decent day of work, although we took a couple of hours off for a unit quiz that put me to sleep embarrassingly fast.

at the end of the day i went through my performance review, which turned out mostly good, but i'm edgy to get moving on my plans to impress the hell outta them.

we paid our rent this evening, spot and i went shopping, and then i walked to the beach to pick up a book and see a cousin who's here from south africa, already on her way back. i stopped for a cup of coffee. now all is chilled on the home front, and i'm SO going to bed early tonight.

good timing!

and robert young pelton - licensed to kill is filled with awesome stuff, although a lot of the stories out of iraq and afghanistan are upsetting and frustrating. good read either way.

broken link

read error: broken link
[my hosting downtime is annoying me intensely, pity if you can't see all my pics]

i got to bed way too late last night, and again tonight. and tonight doesn't have as good an excuse - although last night's desperate midnight snack at 2am didn't help.

our new system works! the kid woke me up when he saw that my door was closed, and i managed to get into my office to sign in just in time. and i made up the hours later, so that's alright.

this was the perfect time to remind myself that i can get up a bit later today ^_^ (going to be sorting out some immigration-assistance stuff).

i was completely, incompetently broken today. i got through a surprising amount of work for all that, in spite of swimming vision and a splitting headache that still hasn't fully gone away.

after showering and changing when i got home, i went with spot, our neighbour and her friends to rabin square, to meet up with hdg and her boyfriend and show solidarity with the poor sods from sderot.

it sucked. a musical event in tel aviv sucking? it was all religious whining and girls who, if they weren't wrapped up like taliban, should have been. we hightailed in outta there fast, spot and i heading in the direction of the cocktail room. we got there far too early, played some backgammon, and then it was time for me to head home (sadly, before i could find out if anyone would rock up).

bed!

Monday, July 09, 2007

stiff, sore, tired



it was HARD getting up this morning. physically had to drag myself out of bed. i spent most of my work day mindlessly going through the motions, trying to focus and getting somewhere accidentally.

we went out for lunch together to celebrate the two farewells, and i only managed to get halfway through my sushi. on a completely unrelated note, i feel the need to learn japanese again. strongly, as usual.

i got home, changed, and spot and i went off to see mr. brooks. on the way there i obtained a perfect circle - mer de noms, and peeping tom, which have me totally crazed. spot got the best of alice in chains, also very cool :)

mr. brooks was an intensely fun film. great story!

after paying spot's sister and friends a visit (primarily to use their bathroom), i walked back to sit with the austrian girl over coffee. it was nice, although i have the feeling we're not going anywhere. nice girl to know, though.

now to rip to my ipod, finish up onlining, and then shower and crash. it's been a long day!

Sunday, July 08, 2007

pre-week post-weekend lounge



i woke up 12 hours later, and spent the afternoon / evening chilling, watched the second half of good will hunting, ate with the guys (spot did *very* well), and then spot and i went to the live earth concert, where we enjoyed efrat gosh's adorable antics and good singing, and then the fools of the prophecy's insane live version of kol hayeladim koftzim rokdim (all the children jump and dance).

went for a drink with hdg and some of spot's friends, then back to cafeneto for good iced-coffee, and now that i've shaved off the beard (it just wasn't working for me) i'm going to bed.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

post die-hard: dead and loving it

click to view image
[click on thumbnail to view]

die hard 4 is a powerful combination of testosterone, geekery, and stunning action sequences with beautiful visuals. pure AWESOME.

spot and i walked to mike's place, sat over beer and chili-fries, and the beer hit me on our way out. ta2 gave us both free entrance, and we picked up a friend on the way in.

the party was fantastic. i don't think they can achieve that level of solid rocking fun again. that, and the live performance of dudu zar (דודו זר) was great, culturally educational fun ^_^

after ta2's set, which drove a completely packed dancefloor into a total frenzy, the jerk-off who stood in for him last monday came on and cleared the room. fast.
rule of thumb for dj's: if people are disappearing rapidly, you're probably doing something wrong.

some amateur house / trance dj came on for the closing set, and wasn't only bad, but he put the sound up so loud that we could feel our hearing being damaged.

so the bad stuff sucked, but nothing can detract from how amazing the party was until 4am - and i got some serious exercise from the long strings of my favourite songs, so much so that i feel it offset the smoking a little :P

[the morning conversation] on gas:
better out than in, i always say - maybe, but better out through the mouth. the power of a good burp to instantly right all wrongs must not be underestimated. farting just doesn't do anything productive.

with one exception. when you're out having a good time, and at some point in the morning your belly begins to ache - you're certain you need to drop a few pounds, it's painful, but club toilets leave too much to be desired.

so you suffer until you eventually get home, sit down on the can with your novel (a magazine's not going to do it for this one), and you're about two sentences in when you experience a euphoric release as a long sigh of gas escapes. all the stomache-pain immediately dissolves, and all that's left to do is put the book down, wipe (because everyone has a touch of OC in them), flush (well, now there's toilet paper in the bowl), and go to bed renewed and comfortable.

and it's with that thought (i lie, i'm actually fantasizing about tight leather and fishnet stockings that were grinding in front of me all night) that i go to sleep.

Friday, July 06, 2007

just messing about


[with apologies and all due respect to whoever drew this image - i was just playing about with mspaint's spraypaint]

the kid and i shopped seriously this morning, i did a basic vacuum when i came home (with incredible results, and i bought a *good* vacuum cleaner), and then i walked to dizengoff square for the water fight.

hdg informed me that we'd had a miscommunication, and we went off together to rabin square, which was covered with fake grass and even less authentic people offering natural lifestyles for the terminally bored. the only people with water guns (and they brought fuck-off big guns) were a couple of the mongoose's friends, and we agreed to take the fight back to dizengoff.

instead of walking ten minutes, we spent 40 looking for one of the cars, and ended up walking all the way anyway. the mongoose's buddies were nowhere to be found, so we sat down and were promptly ambushed. much silliness ensued, quite a bit of exercise too.
unfortunately for some of the guys, i was the only person who'd thought to wrap everything in my pockets in plastic before being dowsed with water.

after ice-cream, we went to the beach, and i discovered that going in with full-length cargo pants is challenging! the water was amazing.
we chilled for a bit afterwards, then i slowly walked home (dispersing flyers for some party tomorrow night), and after coffee, a shower and a nap, i'm going with my flatmates to watch die hard 4. we were planning on the fantastic four, but it's not showing in tel aviv.

that's just friggin' weird.

things to do

so they took some photos:
final prank

so i've decided to leave the exotic fantasy world i've been living in for years.
i'm no longer sleeping only with girls who i actually like. in fact, i might even introduce the word "fucking" into my vocabulary.
i'm going caveman.

and SOD the future, unless it's work related. this "caring" disease will be defeated!

poker last night was fun. one of the guys has promised to organize tickets for the NIN concert that - *ahem* - IS ALREADY BOOKED AND IS HAPPENING HERE IN TEL AVIV SOON!! it's out of the rumour box! ^_^

i spent half an hour arguing with that same guy over tool; he and i have exactly reversed opinions on their music, ie. he thinks that it's all been downhill since undertow. weird.

so i lost my money relatively gracefully, then walked to sit with hdg for a bit, and continued to the cocktail room. it was PACKED when i got there, so much so that it was difficult to get in - after being dead for weeks, that took me by surprise. ta2 has to play to the crowd, so the music sucked until it began calming down, and just as it started getting good the mongoose, his girlfriend and freshmeat and two of his friends rocked up, and it was really good seeing them again.

at 5am, just before going to bed, i suddenly realized that spot and i had put laundry in after getting home yesterday. that sucked.

things to do:
eat breakfast
drink coffee
vacuum
water fight

CHILL.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

wrapping up the week

i couldn't provide an honest picture for today, so here's a link to a similar incident

on my way to the base i called up nystire to arrange our first coffee trek, and his giggling helplessly that early in the morning wasn't a good sign. when i walked into my office, i found every - single - item (including individual notes) gladwrapped or saran wrapped or whatever wrapped (depends on what country you're from).

EVERYTHING. i stood there gob-smacked, my nemesis' last day and he must've spent hours pulling a prank that took me practically no time at all to undo. there's someone who needs a girlfriend.

my TL walked in, stopped to stare and smile knowingly at all the amused and giggling rubberneckers... i looked him square in the eye, and told him that i wouldn't be able to log in for a couple of hours.
"don't worry, i'll sign you in."

i then made sure that it took me those couple of hours to log in. TGIF is a thursday thing in israel.

so we had a lunchtime farewell for my nemesis and another guy who's leaving soon, they had olives stuffed with garlic and that makes for an extremely interesting bite. i tried wrapping my nemesis up in cloth, but that didn't hold.

oh well.

i learned a bit about organizing ski/snowboard vacations in the afternoon, and had an interesting chat with nystire wherein we discussed plans for the future... at least i'm now in the right headspace to be able to say that i'm going to need to resume studying next year.
if we end up studying together that'll make life far easier.

i had a moment this afternoon, the email that i sent regarding lonely soldiers has moved through the first hoop and is under consideration! ^_^

i worked quite a bit this afternoon, and we had a repeat farewell. i came back to tel aviv, changed, and went with spot to sit and ogle gorgeous girls over iced-coffee, then got crazy-good ice-cream (banana-truffle is the shit), and now everyone's sitting down for poker, i'll guess i'll have to join in.

static noise

static_static

i came to the conclusion last night that i can drop all the news feeds. not only is there never anything really new (not true, but i'm referring to important stuff), but reading the politic stuff is like watching a really stupid, flea-infested dog licking himself and chasing his tail in equal parts.

i went to bed listening to infected mushroom. i don't know what time the event occurred, but i woke up listening to scratching, static noises being looped - sometimes it's not worth risking a wireless playlist.

i've missed the shuttle - at least bussing on the last day of the week isn't so bad :)

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

on dealing with information overload

free_rides

it worries me that i get so edgy the longer i haven't blogged. i reach my maximum input increasingly quickly, and i need to jot everything down so that i can clear up space for the next few bits.

when can i get my damn upgrade?! i don't just want a memory doubler, i want an overhaul. i'm only too happy to dump the childhood memories. [if you didn't get it]

i've never seen this word in a biological context before:
Although medically the term can refer to either male gonads (testicles) or female gonads (ovaries), the vernacular, or slang use of "gonads" (or "nads") usually only refers to the testicles. The term "wedding tackle" is also acceptable.
- From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
i *love* wikipedia ^_^
  • a lot of being lectured today.
  • i wanted to kill the kinder, the idiot academic officer who's not only remarkably uneducated and sure of himself, but offensive and in-your-face about it too.
  • i got phoned by some charity organization, but even if i did verify their integrity i wouldn't be comfortable calling a 1-800 number and paying with a credit card.
  • a weird creature was introduced at lunch: eggplant smothered in tchina (tehini, for the greeks). that's just plain gross, we kept expecting it to pop open and splay its tentacles.
  • i finally sent off a letter to a "big boss" concerning lonely soldiers: i've been meaning to do this since before i left my previous post. i think they're a group that deserves to ride public transport for free. it SUCKS having to wear uniform to get around.
  • the second lecture's shame and glory: walking in on the previous meeting when everyone else had the grace to stay outside; walking in to our meeting with plenty of oreos, and not being too embarrassed to crinkle them open.
on the shuttle home i had some interesting ideas concerning satellite warfare; i'm not certain listing them in public is a good idea, but they are to the chinese rockets what the russian pencil is to the space pen. and i already have an awesome acronym for one of the mechanisms:
L.I.C.K.

i had to wait for ru55's gf when i got back to tel aviv, so i walked into tower records after finding the vacuum cleaner i'll be purchasing on friday (what planning!).
i burned half an hour going through the "3 for 99" stacks, not finding the complete rambo series (and if i'm not buying all three, i'm not buying any), settling on other good movies, and then melting at the sight of the following:

infected mushroom - classical mushroom always wanted to own the original, it's the first time i've seen it available
a perfect circle - eMOTIVe it's pretty
ministry - houses of the mole caught my eye, then i listened to it. it made me feel sixteen again! [and that's a good thing?! what's wrong with you??]

i dropped off ru55's stuff, then met up with spot at the cafeneto for supper. aside from all our mundane shite we improved upon an idea i had this morning for a data visor.

happy independence day, america! for some reason we had fireworks in tel aviv, too. we're supposed to be the 51st state, right?

i've been back and loading / unloading for the last two hours - it takes a while to absorb all the updates and produce this crap you're reading. and sort through all my notes, of course.

i think i prefer the second version:
sticker_iron or sticker_paper

now to blow off some steam braincells.

cold sweat

cold_sweat_sTOl

i went to bed feeling alright, but woke up feeling feverish and aweful. i spent the earliest part of my morning dealing with the city officer, and after leaving that horrid place to go back to my base, i spent most of the day back and forth, in the heat, until finally receiving medical authorization to go back to work.

it's the first time i've ever removed and replaced my nipple ring, and the doctor was trying to give me instructions but she kept giggling.

i got home, showered, and left a bit later than i'd intended because there's simply TOO MUCH NEWS and i need to unsubscribe from it all and keep my head clean. but i probably won't.

the alumni gathering was weak. the comedienne they paid good money for sucked, but that's not her fault entirely. almost all israeli humour is targeted to the lowest of the lowest common denominator - in fact they're not really so much a denominator as "that group of people over there that we're not overly fond of".

the problem is she was pitching to one of the most sophisticated and egotistical populations in the country with the wrong ball.

and everyone remained sitting for the concert. sod that - although it wasn't inspiring music anyway.

on the way in i had a not-so-fun heart-to-heart with spot's mum (and spot, sullenly sighing in the sidelines), and now that i'm way past my bedtime (1.30am! how?!) and i've shouted at him for leaving the airconditioner on i'm going to sleep.

somebody pinch me - i can't decide whether to laugh or giggle nervously

Monday, July 02, 2007

fear of the light

lit_lighter

in suppressing that which i fear, i have become less of a man, less of a beast. i cut out my heart and replaced it with glass. i am to myself an alien.

because i lacked the courage to acknowledge how strong i was.

- brought to you by a flashback of catching the lighter at c2k

a perfect monday

jackhammer_sun

although i'm still feeling sick, and i have to be back at work tomorrow :(

the tail end of one of today's dreams:
working off a stylish sheet of instructions, i enter the diaper-changing room, fold up the basin, wedging myself in and the doors shut with barely enough breathing room.
panicking from claustrophobia, i'm unable to release the doors, nor find the lever to activate the elevator mechanism described in the directions.

is this a trap?


i've spent today resting, reading, advancing in megatokyo, being up-to-date with the news (although that hasn't been very interesting), and eating foodstuffs that sick people eat.

okay, aside from the chocolate and watermelon.

tool - stinkfist video is superb (i *love* being a decade behind!)

squishees!

i never realized that the pancor jackhammer is for real.

etymology for the day:
abattoir
"slaughterhouse for cows," 1820, from Fr. abattre "to beat down" (see abate).

Sunday, July 01, 2007

post-post trauma

love_sick

i passed out quickly after posting, but woke up 45 minutes later to spend half an hour coughing, choking, throwing up (i'm still amazed that i didn't pop any blood vessels) and being extremely unhappy about life. eventually i got desperate and took a taxi to the city officer (not an entirely pleasant experience), and after waking up the medic and being tested, got sent off in an ambulance to the emergency unit at ichilov.

that might sound a little more dramatic than it is... that's what happens when there's no actual doctor around. an israeli emergency unit works like any other israeli service: if you don't make yourself heard, you don't get treated. i was dizzy and delusional, hurting everywhere, and my communication skills were severely lacking.

i arrived there at 4am, had a blood test (they left the needle in my arm, then couldn't figure out why i was loathe to bend it), an x-ray (the cow refused to help me remove my chain, but they did let me keep the piercing in), and then spent the next half-hour freezing under a blanket until the doctor came back to release me.

she'd given me a prescription for codeine (um. yay?), and the woman who released me told me that i was acting suspiciously by asking where i could find an open pharmacy. if anyone can explain to me why asking for a pharmacy when you've just been released from emergency at 5.30am is suspicious, please enlighten me.

the walk home via the pharmacy was an absurdly slow and painful half-hour, the fever coupled with the sore muscles from the race made for slow and unsteady going.

-- passing out, possible heat stroke --

spot woke me up at 5pm. later on i sat with them watching running scared and eating the kid's chicken concoction with cold rice, but i was sent packing back to my room when our neighbour began ringing our doorbell repeatedly then walked in making more noise than my headache could bear.

i slept until this afternoon, did laundry and just came back from shopping for chicken soup and fruit juice. today i've had the chance to catch up on net news, and realize that my room's not just untidy, it's frighteningly dusty and i desperately need to buy a vacuum cleaner.

arguing with my mother over antibiotics is unpleasant. i'll admit to finding it strange that the doctor diagnosed me with an infection (throat or chest, i don't remember) and didn't prescribe any, but i'm not going back to the C.O. unless i'm feeling desperate again.

from the pillow fight