Friday, March 31, 2006


i spent the afternoon playing gta, and reading webcomics. a simple kill frenzy took me about an hour or two - i think it got harder the more i did it, but i refused to give up.

oh wow.

i just went out to get smokes (dammit! 2nd pack today), and i remembered why i HATE the trees that they put in sidewalks in israel, that drop this sticky, smelly shit on the ground around them during spring. and there're no lights in our corridors, and insects keep finding me in the dark.

i'm off to bed - hopefully i won't be going alone to the meimad tonight... the mongoose is working. on a friday night in israel, there's absolutely no justification. and the kid's making excuses. and spot is up north. and my other friends don't do partying on friday nights.

celebratory note: the wolfman made it into boston university for his second degree. that's awesome. even more awesome is my cousin tgtbt getting into stanford... and now yale, harvard, and columbia universities have accepted her as well! AMAZING!

number 2: offensive

"personally I find the idea of a bug that thinks offensive!"

i was let down by the sequel, primarily because i was expecting an awesome action movie (like the original). aside from the laughable soundtrack, and some pretty poor acting, it was a good horror flick. it has intelligent zombies! it had SUCH potential!

my shopping experience this morning was quite fun. first stop: fantastic sandwich on ibn gvirol, i was surprised and delighted.

i went to find this gym around dizengoff: it's on the roof. and it's not too bad, it's open 24/7, it's not too expensive. unfortunately, as is with all gyms, you have to pay in advance for minimum half a year, but hey. i think that's what i'm going to do.

i took a pleasurable stroll to the supermarket, and got my simple shopping done fast. i had 5 items, 4 types, so i went to the express checkout. sometimes it's really fast to use my soldier's account, sometimes it's a mission and a half. this time, the woman managed to enter the wrong code. instead of trying again, which is what i asked her to do, she RECREATED my account. meaning that she made my NIS 120 (about R160) disappear into the ether. IDIOT!!!

the manager got that sorted out - meaning that she trusted me enough to simply credit my account (nice!), but it all took a while and pissed off everyone else in the express (huh!) queue.

i left *just* in time to make the bus home. after getting home, i realized that i hadn't got any food, so i went on another mission (in the happy sunshine) to draw cash and go to our local supermarket.

so starship troopers 2 isn't bad, it's just not starship troopers. bah, humbug.

stiff and sore, early - in - the - morning!

so much for partying... i got a call from the druz girl i dated a while back, she wants to improve her english. aside from the impracticality, i was a little worried about the offer to stay at her place on the weekends... i don't fancy her family lynching me...

i woke up at 6.30. ran a load of washing, which i'm about to take out, took a lovely walk in the sunshine to get smokes, and am soon off to go shopping. i received an email from the kid with photos from purim. for those who don't recall, we made elf outfits. i managed to miss to photographer, however.


i've been a good boy this year...

aside from having a good laugh (i almost cried), i'm SO proud of the kid and superkama for maturing so much in sense of humour since i arrived!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

12.5 from 82

that's how many hours of sleep i've had since monday morning... approximately 3 hours a night, which doesn't SEEM so bad...

i got a ride to the base this morning, and got there just in time to participate in a religious argument between the tweeny gate-guards. spuzz and i got all philosophical (not by his choice, and i was wasted), and that lost me at least half an hour's sleep. i brushed my teeth (flossing, i'm actually doing it!), shaved (slowly and carefully), and went to bed.

the kid woke me up 2 hours later. he refused to let this sleeping dog lie. it KILLED me to get out of bed. however, once i'd woken up, it became an awesome day.

we spent the entire day moving to our new office. omfg - there are some really cute girls in our new office. that's just friggin' WEIRD. and extremely pleasant.

lots of manual labour (just up my alley - i was going to say street, but there's no checkers around), and some incredibly amusing plays that i wish we'd had a camera for. f'rinstance, there's me and the kid sitting on rolling chairs, with a metal bed covered in books, being wheeled down a steep driveway by our now ex-TL. and us racing our wheeled desk-drawers down the same driveway, with the kid constantly tipping his drawers out all over the place.

there was a branch meeting to welcome the two of us. we missed it. they'd kind of forgotten to invite us.

we have a pull-up bar in our doorway! i actually got some good use out of it :D

our new SC has made a great first impression. we've met quite a few of our new team and section-mates, and it's all good so far. the whole day has been really warped, it feels like we're on the base for the first time... with the advantage of knowing everyone already :P
and it's not a mission to go to the bathroom!

we played some volleyball at one point - we left after about 20 minutes, the guys really sucked :(

hometime came around, and i left with the hugest smile on my face. dammit - i actually made it through the week! i'm now going to shower, and crash. that's all i know. and i fkn NEED it.

coping well!

how am i still alive?

i love these guys
i love these guys

it was probably the best "nap" i've had in ages - i didn't really sleep so much as just snuggle in and enjoy the relative luxury compared to the army bunk + sleeping bag. flitted in and out (lord that sounds GHEI) of dreams, until my alarm went off.

came to work, ate well, and have had a long night of annoying calls - with a new guy listening in. it's been swell.

spuzz will be guarding when i get back to base, so i'm not bothering to change back into full uniform :)

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

355 days to go!

leaving work at 7am meant going straight to the base. 50 hours staight with only a couple of hours sleep didn't do me too much good.

i started off the day with a major fight with my TL: i was totally wasted and "i don't give a shit" just kinda came out. we had a screaming match in which i told him EXACTLY how highly i don't think of him. he got so pissed off that he went to solve the problem by himself (schmuck). i got back to my office and had a huge fight with our SC, who kept trying to explain to me that i don't know what's good for me, and that i don't understand what it's like in the real world. fucking moron, i know better than he does.

i went to sleep. our TL woke me up when he was done, and instructed me not to sleep on base ('sposed to be a punishment). as soon as he left, a minute later, i was back in bed.

i woke up half an hour late for a branch meeting - it was quite embarrassing walking in late, and being stopped by the speaker to tell me that i looked like i'd been running. weird.

towards the end, i got called up to be awarded for excellent service in my current section (the kid and i are leaving the section tomorrow). it was quite awkward, and this is what the award means to me: "for one and a half years now we haven't actually noticed that you haven't done a damn thing". fucking SAD.

i had lunch with the mongoose, then we returned to his section for some amusement. i made some rounds, including a couple of fun smoke-breaks with people in our new building, then went to see the changing-of-the-guards. from there a few of us went for ice-cream - this quite improved the quality of the day, and then the kid and i returned to begin packing up for the move tomorrow.

i bussed back home, and have since been waiting for hot water. now to shower, then maybe catch an hour's sleep - i have to be at work by 10.30pm...

it's *great* being wrong. shoot me now.

in good spirits, but with one serious friggin' hangover, i got up and dressed, and left, on time. i waited for the bus for about half an hour before someone who recognized me from the base stopped on his way past and gave me a ride. good thing only half the bus lines were operating today due to the elections, and that there was no notice of which ones they were.

i was completely, utterly, totally wrong this morning. we'd passed all the tests, everything was working fine. now, i don't know what tests those fuckers were doing... or if they were doing them on the right systems... but i didn't get back to sleep until the early afternoon. error after error got called in, drove me fucking mental and i was alone - the kid didn't come in until everything was over with.

that - fucking - hurt.

i took about 10 minutes to go off and vote - i eventually did vote for the pot party. i don't know if i was clear when i said that they have my interests at heart - i wasn't referring to the dope. quite frankly, i don't give two shits whether dope is legal or not. in any event i think people enjoy it more because it's not acceptable. and that in itself is a good form of control (not that it always works).

i had humus with the mongoose. lots of politically charged screaming going on - i came extremely close to getting involved before the mongoose snapped me out of it and reminded me that it's a bunch of aging idiots with too much time on their hands.

i slept a couple of hours in the afternoon. then my demons came out to play.



so when a problem requiring one rears its ugly little head, in a system that i loathe with all my heart and both my testicles, and after hours of frustration i take it to the QUALIFIED DBA, who actually LIKES this shit, and he tells me he has no idea, and that i should figure it out myself, then i'm not having a good afternoon.

and every time the damn thing locks up, there's nothing to be done for a period of approximately half an hour while the session is killed. losing one's mind in half-hour increments is a torture device that i find it hard to believe was created by accident.

i've come to a conscious and horrible decision. in the morning, our client section is going to get an email telling them that every release will have to be done by hand until further notice. that's going to make their lives unpleasant, and it's going to piss off the soldiers who just want to be civilians already. and i plan on wasting lots of time looking as if i'm trying to solve the problem.

i never wanted to be doing this shit - and i've done too much of it during the last year and a half. i was lied to when i accepted the job, and i've been fucked over plenty in trying to get out of it. i'm now going for "is too incompetent to continue in his current role".

hell, spot arrived to clear his desk and i managed to enlist him in our quest for freedom from db slavery. oh well. can't say we didn't try. and i did get to watch a freecell master in action. we went by the guard huts, spot and the dude got silly and the kid and i just watched and shook our heads.

we bussed through to zinc, and had a really good meal. then we moved to the lincoln, for an hour and a half of great pool. a couple of beers, some solid runs, and that amazing waitress smiling a lot in my direction (dammit! i just CAN'T hit on her!), and i felt much better. i bussed to work, arriving around 11.30pm, and tried to get some sleep.

nothing doing. not a particularly busy night, but the calls've been spread out
:( we're finishing at 6am... that sucks. i guess it's going to be a horrid day.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

choose wisely

'cuz i did :D

waking up around 8am, taking my time and chilling, sitting down to coffee and a pastry for breakfast... that's the way to start a day in the army!

i arrived on base around 11.30, and spent the day "working" on some last-minute things, chilling and milling, and that about covers it.

in the evening we had some work to do. i got mine done in record time, the kid finished his so fast i wasn't even aware that he'd started. we had shuwarma for supper (on our TL's account, good for him), and i wasted some time with the mongoose while he guarded.

i was at the gate when our TL called me to tell me that everything had crashed. he hadn't even finished his sentence when i put down the phone and legged it to the office - feeling that last cigarette - to find him and the kid packed and ready to leave. bastards tricked me. everything (aside from about 5 minutes of on-site problem solving when i'd forgotten something) went smoothly, and we could go home. so i played some gta, spent a bit more time with the mongoose, then bussed and walked home.

i did a smidgen of work and sorted out my mp3 player, then got in touch with the mongoose to find out about tonight's party at the lizard. he told me it was okay, so i had to decide between crashing and getting over there.

getting over there won out. and DAMN, that was a GREAT call! AWESOME party, great crowd with an excellent vibe, all in all a lot of fun. i did the mongoose an enormous favour in the middle - he'd forgotten his boss's camera in his office on the base, so i taxied there and back for it. i was bloody lucky the guards knew me, because i was in civvies and i didn't have my soldier's id...

anyway, i thoroughly enjoyed my night. it would have been a bit better if it had been possible to dance on the dancefloor - it was so tightly packed that people kept getting pushed out... and i'd started near the center!

i've just taken a taxi home, am about to hit the shower, then crash. i have to be on the base on time... fortunately as of tonight we have no more work for a while, so i'm gonna sleep this off (i'm a tad on the drunk side). if i get the chance, i'm gonna get my nipple repierced today. or tomorrow.

today's election day for us. i was going to vote for the green party, but discovered tonight that they've done less for the environment than the pot party (yes, there's a party primarily dedicated to legalizing marijuana). now i can't decide if i should vote for a major party to try and keep the religious out, or for the pot party that has my interests at heart.


Sunday, March 26, 2006

i STILL want more weekend.

waking up this morning was fearsomely unpleasant. by the time i got to the bus i'd just managed to become aware of my surroundings. completed thursday's work first thing, then spent the day trying to solve unsolvables and milling around in a state of semi-consciousness.

aside from when i crashed for two hours... our SC saw me, and commented on my looking as if i'd just woken up. i was too weary to lie about it, so i just ignored him and shuffled on.

i suppose the most interesting thing that happened today was the return of the base-janitors to finish up fixing our door. they'd outsourced a locksmith, and spent the half hour harrassing him and fiddling around. fucking nightmarish. the last thing i needed was screaming, shouting, incredibly stupid and unfunny chirps, and to have to be on the lookout at every step. at one point these little shits pulled the miniature darts out of our dartboard and started throwing them at the locksmith. for FOOK's sakes.

i bussed home, and watched spiderman. i'm feeling less under-pressure than usual to get to bed on time; due to our having to stay late tomorrow night, i get to arrive at lunchtime. sweet.

nooooooo! where'd the weekend go??

bother! it's all over! i spent the day lazing in bed or in front of the pc. i woke up to starship troopers, finished day of the tentacle (great game, but eventually i resorted to using the walkthrough for all sorts of niggly bits i'd glossed over), and then it was evening.

i waited over 40 minutes for a bus that i'd gotten to the stop early for. that sucked. i met (crept up on) spot and his shag, and we had great shuwarma on the corner of rabin square. then we bussed to my place, and watched robin williams live on broadway while i burned a dvd for his shag to transport home. great fuckin' show.

we took a slow walk to the lizard. the lizard was nice. the owner just gave me a ride home, now to shower and sleep a bit.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

all's swell that end - swell!

the blade would've been great, except we're enduring another sandstorm. there're a lot of 'em, lately. got to spot's for coffee, then we all went out for a walk. we had breakfast at mike's place, then coffee at my coffee shop, then walked back to grandma's to read blogs out loud and relax. and drink coffee. and laugh so much that we got screamed at.

that's an extremely short version of a long, enjoyable afternoon. both spot and the mongoose (hah! the entire mongoose-dog!) let me down, i wanted to go to the meimad but didn't fancy going it alone. so i took a taxi to the lizard.

the party was most definitely not my scene, but i spent the hours with the mongoose and the bartenders, and it was actually quite nice. pity about the music, and the slags, but nevermind. the excessive quantities of alcohol that i consumed made it bearable.

and there was eye-candy, even if it wasn't my type.

i've now got two people to come with me to the trance festival at the end of pesach - that's a start.

the mongoose walked me home before taking a taxi, we were discussing the quality of movies. i really think that battlefield earth was a great movie. yes, i know the story's total bullshit. i KNOW. it's plot is as believable as michael jackson's excema. but it's got some good ideas, and the cinematography and effects are great, and it's a great action movie. it's all about style, in my opinion.

the only movies i really feel are worthy of disregarding, burning, and setting fire to their respective directors' homes, are

1) crossroads, for obvious reasons
2) white noise, for being dull and pointless
3) universal soldier: the return, because i accidentally wasted money on a movie that boasted an awesome soundtrack, but i can't get rid of the voices and effects and i can't make the screen go blank. that's all it needs.

so now to shower and crash. i have a nothing day ahead of me.

Friday, March 24, 2006

off to the beach!

pleasant wake-up! chatted with hido and noddie-x, showered, payed my bills, finished a large part of the downtown map (including all the missions!) in gta2 (what an addict!), some more day of the tentacle, and i'm now blading into tel aviv. i think it's going peachy so far :)

one easier year to go

yesterday morning kicked ass!

i got to breakfast and the inspection, and spent half an hour sitting in the cafeteria. not a bad start. then i went to the clinic.

after a few weeks of me missing my appointments, they let me in without one. what happened yesterday should have happened weeks ago, but i think i got more satisfaction this way:

the doctor sorted out all my referrals and everything, and printed me out my PERMANENT exemption from guard duty AND kitchen duty. it's only taken a little more than a year since i first complained, but i never gave up (completely) and now i'm sorted!

words cannot describe how wonderful it felt to go to droopy (hotrod's underling), hand him the paper, and tell him to fuck off. he pleaded with me to help him out by doing one more kitchen duty shift, and i said "sorry, i'm not allowed to. bye."

either he's a sneaky fucker, or a total idiot. the second i guard or do kitchen duty from now on, it cancels my exemption. he can fuck RIGHT off.

so "lifted spirits" doesn't begin to cover how i was feeling. to make things even better, i managed to retrieve that point-form post-it without it ever having been read. all good *thumbs up*.

we tidied up our office - i discovered that one of the base janitors fucked up my magic 8-ball. *generalization* i hate it when israeli's enter somebody else's personal space. much fiddling ensues, and things get broken. it's frustrating. *end generalization* fucking stupid oafs.

we had pizza, some speeches, and gift-giving to celebrate a few birthdays in the section, then i napped for a bit. i spent the rest of the afternoon finishing some work. this included me having a good scream at our TL, because he'd forgotten something important about the system (something that the kid and i aren't supposed to know), that made most of what i'd done completely pointless. at least he had the grace to be embarrassed.

i left 17.30 sharp, work incomplete. at least i know i'm not like that outside of the army. bussed home with a big smile on my face, looking forward to the weekend.

i missed the post-office, so i'll be going in a bit. i did some shopping, and came back to nurse a breezer with some chocolate. i chatted with my mom for a while, then said kaddish for my grandmother. that's a prayer you say for dearly-departed direct relatives. part of it is for losing a link in the chain that takes us back to the jews who were freed from slavery in egypt.

it's been four years since she passed away. i don't think about my family too much, but when i do i really do miss them. my grandmother was a very special lady. amusing and frustrating, with some very interesting ideas, and always capable of surprising me. i remember how excited i was about a week or two before she died, when she called me and i actually had positive news to tell her :) i hope she'd be proud of me for the way i've dealt with all my shit - i got my degree, i'm handling my army service, and i'm still trying to be a good person. nobody said i was going to enjoy it all :P

i spent the evening playing gta2. it's always "just one more mission". and day of the tentacle. eventually, around 11pm, i decided to take a half an hour's nap before going out. i was looking forward to going to the lizard for their weekly rock party.

instead, i slept until 8.30am. :/ i really did need it, i guess.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

enough suck for one day

the shift last night sucked. the last time it sucked badly directly after i opened a tub of yoghurt - i managed one tiny taste before all hell broke loose. last night, someone else had a yoghurt, and the lines went crazy for most of the night.

ergo - do not eat yoghurt before or during a shift.

i was endlessly amused by the truth in this.

we finished around 4, one of the guys gave me a ride to the base. they gave me shit about coming in, but eventually let me. i brushed my teeth and went to bed.

i lie. i played gta2 until 6am. the fact that my day sucked doesn't really have as much to do with the lack of sleep, but i suppose it does factor in a little.

i was woken at 10am with an error to deal with. that was harsh. after sorting it out, i went to get something to drink. on the way back, i got a call from our base's discipline officer (hotrod) wanting to know where i was. i told him. he informed me that i was supposed to be on the tzrifin base, packing food or something.

i didn't understand what he said, so i thought it was for a week of guard duty. i went to see the guy he told me to, who's on sick leave. so i left him a post-it with all the reasons why i'm not going to go guard for them. now i realize that i have to retrieve that tomorrow morning :$

i spoke to my SC, did a bit of work, then went back to sleep. hotrod woke me up with a call, telling me to go down there for a court-martial. fortunately it didn't get that far with him, i mumbled some rubbish and he sent me to be court-martialled by my SC.

i was late for lunch, but the kitchen-workers had prepared themselves sandwiches so they gave me one :P apparently the way to get those guys to be nice to you is to be worse-off than them...

i slept a bit more (or tried to), then my SC showed up. we had a talk, where i told him that if he wants me to read the emails then he should send me to a hebrew course. he babbled some crap (lots, actually), and told me that at the very least i need to make sure of the relevance of each and every mail i get. fine. whatever.

i slept a bit more (again: or tried to. i was uncomfortable.), then discovered that the apocalypse is coming soon. the best part of my day was the supper. the food on base was actually good. and there was enough. it's time to get that bomb shelter ready!

bussed home, listening to my new-and-rather-crappy radio, and am planning on showering and crashing. i'm trying real hard not to be depressed, i really am. but tomorrow and monday are going to SUCK. at least the kid and i are taking a holiday, so it'll be a real weekend :)

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

status SAVED!

i woke up hangover-like at 7.30am... at 7.45 i was noticed missing in the kitchens. the only excuse i could come up with was complete bullshit. on the bus there, i called my SC and my TL, and my TL said to call if i got into trouble.

i got there almost an hour late - to discover that one of the kitchen workers had covered for me! it DOES pay to be friendly. it really does.

so i spent the day in the kitchens. it was a lot more work than usual, and EXTREMELY disgusting. i rather enjoyed myself! the only unpleasant thing that happened: some brattish girl started getting bossy with me, and i let her have it. it took both of us a while to calm down.

around 4pm i got my gear and fucked off, then met up at azrieli with mntns. we had a very pleasant chat over ice-cream and frozen yoghurt, and now i've arrived home to shower - twice, i'm feeling covered in icky sauces and oils and things - and sleep a bit while the laundry runs before going to work.

norris has left the building

or at least, somebody with a soldier's id card that SAYS he's chuck norris. with a picture of chuck norris wearing a cowboy hat. yeah, spot's release card came out brilliantly.

it SHOULD have, because we spent the entire morning making sure of it. we done good ^_^

our backup photo was his original one - with a slight touch-up in mspaint of sprayed on hair, elvis-style. it was most amusing. once the norris card had been printed, he called us up laughing and told us we had to change it back. so we used the elvis one. he called again, this time in a huff. he's a tad sensitive about his hair loss.

nothing much of interest happened today. i had breakfast with sbelle - yep, still all weird there. i got mntns' phone number, that was a score :)

umm. aside from spot's farewell, which involved AMAZING cheesecake - and a serious mission around the base to get people to write messages on a poster, and a fight that broke out in our office between the dude and firefighter, and our lock breaking (they came to fix it; now the key turns but doesn't DO anything)... i think that was it.

played some volleyball before leaving with spot's girlfriend (or so it seems) and spuzz. we bussed to my place, where they watched the devil's advocate while i collaborated with spot (using messenger) on a project he's doing for work. once we were done, we bussed through to zinc, had a great dinner, and went to the lincoln to play pool.

i was NOT playing at peak performance. hell, even spuzz beat me. but the final three games (once spot had arrived) were great.

after only a short walk, i managed to get a taxi home, and now i'm showering and going to bed. early morning for those of us on kitchen duty - then going to work in the evening. it's a good combination, i might actually get to sleep a bit in between :)


tacked on: good lord, i've just finished the last of the zaibatsu missions in the downtown map. i thought i'd just play a quick game - 20 minutes later with my heart beating in my ears. that was nuts!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

spider solitaire kills me

i just can't get the two-suit game right. i suck.

i made it on time for the first meeting this morning. it didn't go well. our branch commander understands perfectly, and explained to me that as much as he'd like to help (yeah, right), he simply can't. brilliant.

the next meeting was with my new commander. for half an hour i managed to sit there with a sour look on my face, reflecting my feelings perfectly. he was actually a bit upset that he couldn't get me to smile. he promised me the world, and i don't trust him one little bit. as i said to him when i left, i'll believe it when i see it.

but for now, i'm simply stuck in my unit and that's the end of the story. the next year just seems like so much fun. felled my high spirits with a single blow.

spot officially left our base today. prick. i'm jealous. most of the day was teh suck. but it did end eventually. i got home to some more gta (lord knows i'm sadly addicted), a shower, and now i'm going to bed. or i may play a little more first. spider solitaire doesn't count, you see.

it just feels right

stuffed and glazed

i watched most of the devil's advocate again, because a quote from it is sampled in an awesome trance tune i got hold of. so i had to.

in the early evening i missioned off to ramat hasharon - took everything relaxed, made it there about half an hour early. i spent that half-hour sitting in a park listening to crazy trance, then went to the restaurant.

it was a great evening. i'm TOTALLY jealous of the birthday girl - her birthday present was to go skydiving. DAMN!!! great video they took, as well.

the - food - was - amazing. bloody good, and there was tons of it. stuffed ourselves. i didn't get much of a chance to speak with her - i actually do miss her a bit. just a little. her boyfriend came up to me afterwards to apologize that we didn't get a chance to chat. i'm a bit jealous of him too, he's about to finish the pilot's course. respect.

in the middle of the evening, totally at random, her grandmother (who's one of the few people who actually knew about us) shouted at me "pick one!" and looked meaningfully at her sister's friends. there was a moment of silence, i think i was less embarrassed than most of the others, including the girls :P

it's a bit frightening to think that they're all going into the army already. time flies!

some of the cousins gave me a ride to the lizard. it was a really good evening, chilled and with a few good looking girls. i missed a pretty good opportunity, but that's kinda definitive of me. danced a bit, chatted a lot, drank a bit, and finally got a ride home. i'm now going to shower and sleep, before the rather important meetings i have in the morning to decide my next year and one day.

i just finished one of those missions i was complaining about, so i'm alright. funny how gta2 can really get my adrenaline going!

Saturday, March 18, 2006

more green guiness than a shick can be staken at

yes. yesterday was st. paddy's day. st patrick was some irish guy who did stuff. according to the boondock saints, everybody was irish last night. and so were we. we had big leprechaun hats and everything!

i started off the day watching good will hunting. i did some shopping - bought myself decent headphones and some food. got back to finish the movie with some guiness. i basically did nothing during the afternoon.

in the evening i walked to mmf's. caught up on some news, then spot arrived for some tekken. after about half an hour mmf arrived. looking extremely mexican, with a tan and a beard. bastard!

we chilled for about 20 minutes, and then spot and i left for mike's place. full breakfast was no longer served, so i got myself fish and chips. bloody AMAZING fish and chips - i promise that that level of quality was not expected. we were joined by a french girl from spot's old base and some friends of hers, and spent the night milling around tel aviv making lots of noise and being very, very silly.

and it's always nice to meet other invader zim fans!

the night entailed a lot of drinking, and lots of merriment. it was quite fun. around 2/3am i got a taxi home, and passed out completely.

i was woken this morning by a phone call from her father - it's her sister's birthday tomorrow so tonight is a surprise party. i eventually got up to eat and play gta - the downtown map. my word - some of those red missions are bloody HARD.

i'm now struggling to burn a copy of the movie that spot's grandmother acted in. the rest of the afternoon is designated downtime. oh - and i finished the magician's nephew. it's very, very good.

Friday, March 17, 2006

publishing hassles

this post rescued from a publishing error : originally titled "i dun bin hitsed in the beanbag".

i left work at 5.45am. it was a really beautiful spring morning, and i was thinking that i'm going to be released in a year and 3 days, so the weather should be similar then. and i still feel a bit screwed over weatherwise from my immigration - i went from winter to winter. that was the start of all my problems.

so on my way back to humanity, i think it might be an excellent idea to stay here for the beginning of summer, and then head south for another one. that would be a most fitting end to 6/7 years of hell. and i could use the opportunity to make a bit of cash.

i arrived on base just after 6, flossed (that dentist really got to me) and brushed my teeth, and shaved (and threw away the overused and pretty much ineffectual blade), and waded (i was really tired, the air was hard to get through) to my office, and shone my shoes, and passed out.

inspection was at 7.45 - i didn't get up until 11.30. i don't think anyone noticed my absence. i was woken for a problem that i still haven't solved. mainly 'cause i've spent about 20 minutes total on it.

lunch. we're supposed to be given a meal. the quantity of meat on the plate made it purely symbolic. literally three bites. some border guard started fighting with the kitchen staff about it, and the kitchen staff produced their biggest lad to keep him calm. of course, once they'd calmed him down i pushed my way through so i was facing aforementioned large-boy, and took up the same argument. unfortunately, the reality is that there's nothing we can really do, short of sneaking food. that's just pathetic.

and it's not exactly gourmet, anyhow.

the afternoon included catching my SC and engaging - unfortunately he weaseled out, because he doesn't want to do anything that might involve him making an effort to help me out. so two meetings have been arranged for sunday morning, hopefully something will happen.

gta happened, a bit of work happened, and loads of flirting with mntns and a girl from our base happened, and all of a sudden hometime happened. on the bus home, i went through haifa technion's prospectus (a guy i know is applying). just reading about the courses made me edgy. interesting that i've passed almost all of the core courses... it's just another thing to consider once i'm done serving.

got home, ran laundry, watched tsotsi, showered, dressed and left for work.

tsotsi is a great film. i'm almost embarrassed that i was glad for the subtitles. good story.

i went to azrieli to get supper. there was an officer there, who looked familiar. he ordered the same thing i did, had more trouble than i did with the hebrew. when we got the food i invited him to sit with me, and about 5 minutes later we figured out that i'd seen him for some dental work (army dentist).

the meal was great, and he's an immigrant from uruguay so culturally not too different. it's fun to meet people with such similar stories (especially army ones). and good too that he has the same attitude towards his assistants that i do ('cuz they be CUTE, yo).

speaking of which, i've had my eye on one of them - and i found out today that she's being released from the army 6 days before me. she's bloody NINETEEN. that just kills me. i really have done it all ass-backwards...

so we went outside for a smoke, i left for work and he left for night-shift in first-aid. the walk here was quite pleasant. i pretty much crashed once i hit my chair, and i had to wake up separately for each of my calls. i slept between calls until roughly 3am. we finally finished about 15 minutes ago, and now i'm off home, to bed.

-- original post ends --

i hung around at work for about an hour, failing to post and playing spider solitaire (which i really suck at), then took a taxi with one of my coworkers.

now that i'm home i'm planning on crashing until somebody wakes me up, or until i'm forced to go to mike's place for their amazing breakfast.

-- tacked on post ends (6.02am) --

Thursday, March 16, 2006

displacement theory

pre-drinks on monday night:

i removed my mask that girl's scarier than me...

i got out of the apartment this morning just before 7.30, and i still made it to the base-i-want-to-be-stationed-at before 7.45. DAMN. i saw the dentist, got a filling fixed, received a complaint about my lack of flossing, and got my teeth cleaned (that actually hurt). i then sat at their pitiful cafeteria and waited for the kid.

we found out where to go, and went for our interviews. he went first, and explained what's happening with us in our current unit - laying good groundwork for my proposal. meanwhile i bust my headphones, so i need to get a new set. dammit. i definitely need to get a quality pair, too.

i went in and explained to her exactly how i feel. she explained to me that it's possible for me to move, but first i need to go back to the unit (which is bloody suspicious, and means that it'll be harder for me to leave *cries*) and get my commanders to speak to her directly.


but her attitude was good - it seems that she really doesn't have a problem helping me out.

on our way off the base, we got caught in a freak shower. we scrambled to the nearest covered doorway to wait it out. i thought, "sod this", and knocked on the door and entered. there were a few girls sitting there, so i asked if we could get some tea. one of them went off to organize it, and we sat and chatted with them for about half an hour... drinking tea, and eating the chocolates that were offered.

turned out that the office belongs to a unit that i'd really like to get into - the super-cute girl we were talking to (mntns) gave me their details, and told me that if my commander agrees then maybe i could move there. so i got her details (of course :P), then went back to the interviewer to find out if this is possible.

possible, yes. but still requires me to go back to my usual base, and wait for my commanders to not be assholes.

the kid and i walked through to dizengoff, bought really good toasted sandwiches, and finished them off at mmf's. i packed all my gear, stuck all 20 or so kg's on my back, and we returned to base.

had a chat with the secretariat. i refused to be "returned" to my unit until i've spoken with our SC, and they agreed to leave me be. i also found out that our bastard TL (what a prick) had been in there earlier to tell them that he knows that i'm causing problems, and that i don't really know what i want. fuming doesn't begin to describe how i was once i'd heard that.

our SC was on holiday - figures. so i spent the rest of the day chilling and milling. at one point i caught up with our TL, and confronted him about what he'd said. he eventually agreed to let me be - which is oh-SO-nice of him considering that in a couple of weeks it'll have nothing to do with him either way.

i also had a rather amusing email conversation with mntns - it's still going. always tricky when you know all of someone's personal details and you can't let on :P

i bussed home, watched a gracie educational video (not that interesting), and showered. then i crashed for 20 minutes. then i got up and dressed and fucked off to work.

we're finishing in another 2 hours. it's been a worse than average night. so far:

"daddy's eating! ooooh he smells it!" - lord help me.

i've had a conversation with HAL. bloody HAL. [lame - ed.]

i've had to deal with a caller who only speaks in ebonics.

and i've had a guy spend 5 straight minutes explaining to me why he's not prepared to lower his security settings. but i got the FULL story. every sentence of unwanted information followed by a pause. for example:
"i got a virus on my pc. it really messed things up. a friend helped me sort that out." <pause>

and an indian woman named "charu". cute :P i was confused as to which accent to use when speaking to her.


not robots as such, but cool nonetheless

okay, here's what *I* think:

we have a possible new home. hell, we have quite a few of them. alright!

we're almost ready to get off this rock. slowly (too slowly, in my opinion), but surely. so although just getting outta here is priority 1, we might actually have a destination too. cool.

the way i figure it, there are two obvious differences between us, and those who built the tower of babel. well, obvious assuming that the basis of the story we know is somewhat real. we're taught that their intention was to defeat god... our intention is geared more towards survival. or it should be, at any rate.

and hell, our tech is slightly better 'n theirs. that's what it all comes down to, anyways. i don't think we're spiritually any better or worse than our predecessors. i do think that we're more ready than they were to face whatever future we have out there. and i personally believe that that's the final test of man. when we step over that threshold, we'll become something else. something better.

in the grand scheme of things, of course.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

NOW i've got a hangover.

my body knows *just* when it's all good. i feel like shit.

i struggled out of bed, had coffee, and bussed to the base. it's good when the base is close to home. i met the kid at the gate, and we traipsed (no sam, it doesn't hurt too much) to the secretariat. i was all excited, so we had a good laugh with them.

we then went to find this person who was supposed to interview us. let's call her UB. you know what it stands for. and it's not ultra or uber or anything positive like that.

so we find her, and ask for <insert UB's name here>. she tells us to go inside. we're then told that UB is out, but as it's all merely bureaucratic anyway, she'll just sign the forms and we'll be on our way. the kid's okay with that. i'm not. i'm going to be interviewed, dammit. i don't WANT to go back.

so my form's not signed, and i'm going back in the morning for that interview. the kid and i had breakfast with a friend of his from the induction base (i'd forgotten he served there first), and i discovered that the conditions for those not seconded like i've been are as i thought. sounds promising. and UB is in charge of placement. which means that if i'm nice to her (and i'm sure she's not used to that, she's really 'orrible), i may get exactly what i've been looking for.

theoretically i could have called it a day, but our not-quite TL (i'm officially not in that unit right now) was being a bitch, and on the hopefully extremely slim chance that i won't succeed in my mission, i may as well do what i'm told for the meanwhile.

on our way to our up-until-now base, i ran into someone i studied with during my final year. bastard. he's STILL studying, he's serving 6 months in total, and even that's only 3 days per week. WTF?!?! that's just WRONG.

today was a hard day of gta and cafeteria. and that really does cover it all. i didn't do a stitch of work, because quite frankly the work is pointless and stupid and i'm delaying it until i absolutely HAVE to. hopefully i won't be staying, and i won't ever absolutely HAVE to. that would be nice.

please, lord. i've suffered enough. the last 5.5 years have been hell on earth (although there have been some good bits). i'd really appreciate a bit of a break.

i even got drunk last night, just like i was supposed to.

i spent an hour or so shooting the breeze with some guards, and that totally adorable french girl. then i got the bus home. now that i've showered and watched the rest of serenity, i'm off to mmf's to sleep and clear out.

serenity. wonderful. stunning. fantastic. i feel that there was too much in it, though. i find it hard to not compare a possible second-season with the matrix sequels. and before anyone gets offended - what i mean is that the first matrix was so well done (aside from the superman stunt at the end), that the rest just followed a formula. firefly doesn't deserve that kind of treatment.

what's it called again?

that was a good evening. i've just finished with the nightmare that is removing facepaint (that covered my entire face) while mostly drunk. it was a good party. aside from the music. i drank way too much. which was the whole point. now for some quality z's.

Monday, March 13, 2006

tired? pah. i'm comin' out tonight!

i slept like a baby last night. it was hard work getting out of bed, but get out of bed i did. i made it to base on time. we went for breakfast.

good timing. the mongoose walked past with my mp3 player around his neck while we were sitting there, took one look at me, and legged it. i had to take a flying leap over the wall to run him down, but i got him and got it back. turned out useful, too - five minutes later i was leaving the base to get to the hospital.

i HATE the healthcare system here. i waited in the queue at reception for half an hour. i wasn't paying attention to who was behind me, and a fight broke out amongst all the old ladies, all arguing over who was next. they came *indicates with thumb and forefinger* this close to hitting each other with their handbags.

i eventually got in to see the orthopaedist. most fortunate that i'd brought everything along. even more fortunate that he spoke perfect english. he examined my papers (woof!), examined me (the standard, i now can tell the difference), and then explained to me exactly how he felt.

so i walked out with a useful referral to the pain clinic (bring on the pain! MORE PAIN!), specifically for combination anaesthetic / steroid injections into my back. sounds like fun ^_^

i bussed back to our kindergarten (oops! i meant base. although all we do is nap and play games), and we had lunch.

after lunch... I FINALLY FINISHED THE SECOND MAP OF GTA2!!!! i'm STILL thrilled :D
and i did it according to my perfect plan. now that i've unlocked the 2nd map, the kid and i have agreed that while he does the same on the 3rd (he got there months ago), i'm going to try to complete every mission, and every kill frenzy, and get every gta2 logo... etc. etc. i will rule the residential area! everyone will fear my leetness!

i slept hard for about 2 hours - it was a mission getting up to go home. i bussed back, and found million dollar baby waiting for me. i just meant to test it, but wow. damn. great film. difficult, but amazing. inspiring and frustrating. and quite funny. i like it.

i'm going to shower now. then i'm going to dress up as one of the guys in the final destination poster [darn it! who let him get hold of face-paint?! you were WARNED! - ed.], and get myself off to the lizard.

happy purim everyone! all jews are commanded to get so drunk that they can't tell their mothers from their fathers tonight. so i'm going to go be observant.

pulp fiction is great
i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack! (don't ignore the comments!)

Sunday, March 12, 2006

alert: arsim have breached the perimeter!

it was most certainly an alright sort-of day. arrived on base around 10.15 or so, and went straight to the cafeteria for coffee. from there to lunch (good humus), and shortly after lunch, to the court for two hours of basketball.

the kid and i started off just "horse"ing around, when some religious "senior academic officer" rocked up and acted like he knew something about basketball. he was MOST annoying. fortunately, there was another ball, so we just tried to ignore his stupidities and played our own game.

another guy from our branch rocked up, and then three guys from another branch as well. so we did the logical thing, and had an inter-branch 3-on-3.

it was mostly a good game. the problem is, the three of them are real arsim. no sense of humour whatsoever, and no comprehension of the term "friendly", or "just for fun". these guys got all serious. aggressive is an understatement. and in-game stayed *just* shy of violent.

we won - i fully expected a fight to break out. i congratulated one of the guys, and i was really waiting for him to throw a punch. it's gonna be a tough call whether to play them again.

they left us the court - so the kid and i played a long-ass game of "rebound", which was painful by the end. but it was fun, and good, sweaty exercise.

got back to the section, just as our SC was on his way to the cafeteria, so the kid and i joined him. i broached the subject (completely tactfully, of course) of my not coming back on tuesday. it was explained to me that the chances of them allowing that are slim to none... and that if they do, there's nothing to stop them from sending me to some base up north.

from experience, i know not to trust a word my SC says. just gonna have to take it up with my primary commander (who i've never met) on tuesday.

i spent the rest of the workday (all 30 minutes of it) on gta; i'm definitely getting the hang of my grand master plan.

after spending an hour or so with the mongoose on his guard shift, i bussed to azrieli, and did a search for a gym. the one there's no good at all. apparently i'll find what i'm looking for (erm, or something akin) in a place near dizengoff center. a little more work, that is.

i did discover the roof of azrieli - never been there, and it has a styling view. it must be a great place for a date... evident by the numerous couples making out...

i bussed home - constantly moving my arms (musta looked weird) to make use of my weights, and since i arrived here i've done all my net arbing, showered, played some good quality gta, and loaded the washing machine. once that's done it's bedtime.

unfortunately, i missed an important doctor's appointment today - i clean forgot. so tomorrow morning i'm going to be under a little more pressure than i would like. oh well.

looking VERY tasty

morning playlist

nothing like waking up to head automatica (beating heart baby) and lustra ^_^

the weather's clear and i shaved before going to bed - today's alright so far!

lacking lo·quacious·ness

i indulged myself... i watched the entire movie :D

i took the israeli equivalent of a minibus taxi to the lizard. the bastard driver didn't tell me when to get off. i walked through an extremely enlightening (read: dodgy) area to get there.

it was a nice party. lots of people i haven't seen in a while were there, so there was quite a bit of catching up.

and there were lots of fine-lookin' wimmen. one in particular, from our base, came up to me and asked me a question - one of those questions with many right answers that could actually lead to something. and due to my inability to think on my feet, i somehow managed to give an answer that led to stone-cold silence. aaaaaaaaanyways.

one of the mongoose's friends (sniper) arrived with his girlfriend, the two of them dressed up as a car. i shit you not, the two of them walked onto the dancefloor with a cardboard car over their heads. that was awesome!

i got home about half an hour ago, tested some downloads, and am about to shower and crash. it's been a most pleasant weekend, and i'm looking forward to a week with potential change.


Saturday, March 11, 2006


i'm going all too soon, and 12 monkeys just came on!

thunder and lightning

the rundown is most definitely worth watching. other movies i've watched today: most of bend it like beckham, which was great; billy elliot, also great; and chocolat, which i've seen loads of times and i still love it. i guess that's mainly because of my associating it with my first girlfriend.

okay, maybe it IS nice to have access to cable, but i know that it's not a good thing for someone who actually does have work to do every once in a while :P

i had a talk with wolfman about opening up a fighting gym... it seems to be nigh impossible in this country. why should they have a problem with gyms like we saw in the rocky movies? money. fat bastard government-type people make us all lose out.

i've been thinking about this move to my original base - it's all going to be veeeeeery tricky. i'm actually a bit nervous about it all.

did we do that?
just remember that we are, in fact, 47% cabbage

daffy bastards

i just registered that i don't have to go through word-verification anymore, which means that someone reviewed my site... and DIDN'T leave any comments.

nasty bot-people. HAH! who's suspiciously turing NOW?

good ratio, bad ratio

i'm trying to come up with a party rating scheme - but i've had a bit to drink and i'm exhausted. so do forgive me.

Potential Minutes (of enjoyment) per Hour. eg. tonight's party achieved a score around 50. that's rather high. it's "potential" because there are always amazing parties that are ruined by personal circumstance, which doesn't affect the entire thing. like the girl who walked around looking miserable and lost the entire time.

in my case, at a party that (for the 3 or so hours i was there) i'll score a 50, i enjoyed probably a little more than 10... in total. that's a personal ratio of 3.3/50. that's not good.

it was a killer party, and i was in a stupid mood. a party with great music, many, MANY sexy girls (yep, that was part of the good ratio), and i just found myself in a bit of a downer and pondering all sorts of obscure things. i can only assume it was brought on by my having gone alone.

tipsy and tired and falling asleep.

Friday, March 10, 2006

9 hours of "my time"

i hope someone reviews this page already, doing word-verification on every post is a tad aggravating :@

i finished watching snatch - grand bloody film. i went out for lunch and some basic shopping, then came back to play too much gta and watch some k1 fighting. in trying to be productive while watching, i put on my weights and shadow-box while bouncing taekwondo-style. i've begun fantasizing about actually training... it would be nice if my current place in life would allow me that luxury.

i was thinking, in particular, of finding a gym that i could go to anytime - but unfortunately they don't go for that sort of thing in israel. they do normal gyms, but i want something with mats and punching bags and bars, and none of the wannabees ogling. in other words, not some health and racquet club where men stare at my ass while i try not to notice.

and as much as i don't mind women staring at my ass... not while i'm training!

i just finished watching the shawshank redemption - and it blew me away again. that is one hell of a film.

my mom called, we did some serious updation. we were both in hysterics when i told her that my roof's been falling in in bits and pieces (literally)... i never really gave much thought to how rediculous it is to have to sweep up a new mess every time i come home, and i keep checking to make sure that i can't see the stars - i laughed so hard i almost cried!

obviously i didn't go through to tel aviv - i'm not entirely sure yet if i will. i guess that depends on quite a few factors. if the kid comes to the meimad tonight, then i guess i'll ship my gear with him. if not, then i have to think about walking or taking a cab... neither idea really tickles my fancy.

you know what? i think i'll just take a nap for an hour.

serenity <=> adrenaline rush

wow - i've just seen the first half of the serenity movie - HOT DAMN. more awesome than chuck norris and mr. t beating the crap out of each other (although i'm guessing that chuck would win).

after watching most of snatch, i walked to the lizard last night. that WAS a freaky party. kinda went down a bit after an hour or so, but until then, the music was creepy and the people were most certainly strange enough.

around 1am, the dude came to pick me up. we waited for the kid, and then went off to the promenade.

the dude is totally nuts. and when he's had a bit to drink, he's somewhat unbearable. i've never seen anyone unintentionally come close to so many beatings. no social awareness whatsoever. a bit worrying, that.

we went to a few bars, didn't really find anything good. ran into a cute girl i used to train with, but the dude made things super-weird very quickly. and then spent the rest of the time harrassing me for her phone number - which i'd told him i didn't have.

very frustrating.

the kid gave me a ride home, and we had a rather deep conversation about the army and our plans for the next year. he's suffering from the same thing my boss put me through a couple of years ago - he's sick of computers and anything to do with them. i explained to him that he just needs a break, it's the army doing that to him - it doesn't mean that he's not cut out for that line of work.

i slept like a bomb, and woke up to see that half of serenity is down. and it is STUNNING. now to shower, then to tel aviv for the weekend. oh alright, maybe a bit of gta first. hell, i had dreams about it. i think i'll probably lose it completely if i don't complete this plan of mine.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

weekend's back in action! mission accomplished!

and that was the week that was :)

right. i made it in time for inspection this morning, which was a laugh. spent the morning struggling with moving the latest version of our software to the testing server. we did it INCREDIBLY unprofessionally.

we were inspected by the branch head, which basically amounted to lots and lots of talk that i really couldn't be arsed to follow. when he asked everybody if they were feeling challenged, the kid said that it would be a better idea to just not ask us. everyone burst out laughing - it's known and accepted that the army has gone out of its way to ensure that we're as unchallenged as possible. it's fucking SAD.

i discovered that my "annexation" to my present unit is over - next week we're supposed to go to our initial base, be interviewed, and then return. i'm seriously considering not returning. not only is that a completely legitimate thing to do, but the base is closer to home. and although it's not as nice people-wise, it's less badly run than ours. and i don't need to sign anything ^_^

i have until tuesday to decide. and figure out how to convince them to allow me to stay.

we went for lunch, which wasn't bad, then finished the work. i began playing the perfect game of gta - and things were going smoooooooothly. the kid stopped what he was doing to watch... and the game crashed.

let's just say that the entire prefab knows what happened.

spot had an embarrassing incident - he sent a screenshot of his system to our commanders, to show them something on our system. he didn't edit out the taskbar. sam 'n max hit the road.

well done, spot. good boy.

so i wrote a pointless vb program using the scummvm icon, that he can leave in the taskbar in case they send someone to check it out. army silliness is inspiring.

i finally broke the kid's undefeated streak in multiplayer gta today. i'm quite impressed with myself.

that yellow weather (dust storm) we were experiencing? the whole day was aweful, until about 4pm when it began POURING with rain, then hailing, and then turning into a lightning storm. at least the air's clear!

tonight there's a party with the same crew who put on the obscure anime party at the lizard. dressing up: the circus. circa [couldn't help myself - ed.] 1900. i dunno if i'm going to be able to dress up for that.

ZOMG!! i just failed the turing test!

Blogger's spam-prevention robots have detected that your blog has characteristics of a spam blog. Since you're an actual person reading this, your blog is probably not a spam blog. Automated spam detection is inherently fuzzy, and we sincerely apologize for this false positive.

nicely done!

WTF did i do wrong (/ right)?? would whoever's doing the review PLEASE leave a comment with an explanation!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

and back to see the sandman

i've been awake for ages, but i've managed to do very, very little. laundry. another failed attempt at a perfect gta run. some more of the 4400. some more of the magician's nephew (which is great). about a minute of work.

now it's time to catch some more z's.

gear ratio

the army is an enormous system. we are all small parts. each part is important.

that last bit is complete crap. the part i play is like a tiny gear wheel, that's made to spin every now and then, but isn't really connected to anything.

now, if they'd just let me not spin at all, i'd be most satisfied. i'm extremely satisfied with how my day in the army just went. hell, normally i wouldn't be home yet...

i arrived on base (in orange) around 4am. once the second-in-command was ready to let me through, we'd already begun having a laugh at mutual acquaintances. i went to say hi to a neighbour of mine who was guarding - because of my overalls she started trying to give me the phone number of "a really nice guy" she knows. that only started bothering me when i realized she was serious.

i performed my ablutions (which reminds me of something i'll leave for the end of the post, so that you can savour it) - meaning that i brushed my teeth and shaved. then i went to bed.

i woke up at 8am. then 8.05am. then 8.07. this went on until i finally got out of bed around 8.20. the kid and i went to the cafeteria so that i could get myself some tinned ice coffee, and at 8.30 we arrived at inspection, along with a group of other people from our unit.

they wouldn't let us in. this is the first time during my entire service that when somebody gave us a time, they actually meant to start at that time. we said "fuck it", and went back to the cafeteria.

when the inspection was over, our TL found us and sent us back to our office. shortly afterwards he joined us, about a minute after spot arrived. he was pissed. he gave us a speech about how the head of our branch noticed that nobody from his team had arrived, and about how embarrassed he'd been. then he cancelled our "team building" exercise, and left in a huff.

not only do i think that he took that way too seriously, but i also think he was a real dick about it. if his attitude towards us is based on how the rest of the unit sees us, then his attitude sucks. it's not like the kid and i have ever really let him down. in fact, our biggest problem with the army is that it blatently refuses to challenge us.

i lay back down on the bed, but after about a quarter of an hour listening to spot and the kid discussing what had happened, i got sick of being on the base and left.

i bussed home, watched the third episode of the 4400 while waiting for hot water, had an incredible shower, brushed my teeth, and climbed into bed with my beautifully bound edition of the complete chronicles of narnia (i'm on the magician's nephew).

i'm guessing that i fell asleep around 11.45am, and i just woke up about fifteen minutes ago. nobody outside of our team knows that i wasn't on base today. as i said - my gear wheel isn't connected.

the light's all messed up right now, there's a dust-storm going and everything's yellow. i'll be staying indoors then.

back to ablutions. WARNING: The following contains Too Much Information.

something that's intrigued me for years, is that my body handles them according to need. i only really started paying attention to this during my basic training - if i'm in a place where the facilities aren't decent, then i simply don't need to go. this generally holds for about 3 days at a stretch. the rest of the time, i'm fairly regular at twice a day.

now to continue doing nothing.

as false dawn approaches

right after posting, my SC called me to remind me that under no circumstances am i to miss the ceremony / inspection / crap tomorrow.

i spent the evening either dozing or taking calls. it wasn't especially busy, though - that was a blessing and a half. aside from a few offended moments (some people have no respect for the sleeping dead), and issues with invaded personal space, it all went quietly.

we've just finished up, and should soon be making ourselves scarce. like <insert name of endangered species here>.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

the world's throbbing loudly inside my head

i bussed to work last night. the work shift was a fucking nightmare. 165 people in a survey that got stopped halfway through. 3 of us. most of them left multiple messages. we couldn't leave until we'd cleared ALL of them. putting down the phone meant hearing it ring again.

not to mention total exhaustion, but about halfway through i'd forgotten what i was supposed to say. in the middle of phone conversations strange things would come out of my mouth, requiring me to think again in order to correct it.

and we had a lot of stupid people. not as many as thursday's group, but still enough to drive us crazy.

i got a ride (on the back of a bike) to the base - it was bloody FREEZING cold and i didn't have a jacket. i hadn't changed back into uniform, so i was extremely fortunate that one of the guys from the mongoose's section was guarding the gate. they just waved me through, so i shambled to the bathrooms, brushed my teeth and shaved, signed into the base (4.55am), and then went to bed (getting into sleeping gear and removing the weights from my ankles first).

i woke up at 8am. limped to the mess hall. the asshole who wouldn't let me off was obviously too embarrassed to show his face - THREE guys. and all the girls required. they didn't need me at all. but because he didn't show up, they couldn't let me go.

so i spent my day in the kitchens. i only passed out twice, both of them during my hour-long break while i was trying to get out of it. one of those times was in the middle of a sentence to my SC, who let me be. all i remember is talking, then suddenly coming to about 15 minutes later.

and today, the kitchen duty was extra icky. by the time they let us go (they did us a favour, only half an hour later than they were supposed to), i was soaked from attempting to remove the bits and pieces of 'orrible creatures that were clinging to my shirt.

our SC gave me and superkama a ride to the hostel where our unit event took place. we spent about an hour sorting out the elf costumes - they turned out very well indeed. it was fun preparing them.

the event itself was mostly torture. sitting in the dark waiting for the next mind-numbing item. most of the things that happened were just friggin' sad.

spot really did an amazing job as the head of our unit. it was actually kinda creepy to see the two side-by-side.

the movie came out well - although admittedly not as well as last year's. one thing that irked me, the scene wherein i snorted all that salt wasn't shown. i've been told it's only available on the dvd. apparently due to censorship.

whatever. sods.

i bussed to work afterwards, and here i sit. i asked my TL to let me arrive on base late tomorrow. a definite "no", our unit's being inspected tomorrow morning. and what kills me is that the chances of them noticing my absence is so small. and i'm going to be awefully smelly.

Monday, March 06, 2006

odd day, i say

not bad, though. for me it began at 7am... i left the apartment at 7.30, and made it to the induction base by 8.05. in time for a sit-down with spot and the kid.

spot tried to help an aged uzbekistani to mail money back home. look, if you're in a foreign country, and you don't speak the language, and you don't speak an international one like... let's say... english, then you really shouldn't be waltzing around alone.

maybe he speaks russian. in which case, we must have been the only soldiers for 3km's around who DON'T speak it. either way, not too wise.

we met up with our TL, and had a tour of the facilities. for the millionth time. it was pointless, but we did get a free breakfast, and it was a pleasant way to spend the morning.

also - i've been walking around for a while now with our SC's beret. it has 20 years of his army experience behind it. now i appreciate all that, but it was a bit small for me. so i swapped it out at their quarter master's store. i feel bad because i know i should feel terrible, but i really don't care!

what a bastard!

we went to fetch a server. we were almost out the gate (and that's a bitch to carry), when they ran out to stop us. they realized what we'd noticed a couple of minutes earlier... they'd left all the backup devices attached ;)

when we got to our base (after a quick stop to get some more spraypaint), i went straight to the mongoose's section to get help with that excel stuff that was driving me mad last night. the south african there (eeyore) copied my code from a printout i handed him.

now, i WARNED him to save before running it. vb has this frustrating "feature" that if a program crashes, it closes the entire environment. he didn't take note of this, and crashed. and had to start all over again.

after about 20 minutes, we'd ascertained that my code was, in fact, 100%. worked fine. i have a personal problem with my system locale settings. WHAT A WASTE OF FRIGGIN' TIME!! not to mention stress.

i went back to our section. cleared out some mail. did a bit of exercise. translated an ex-soldier's cv into english (that provided many laughs). then we went for lunch. they provided lemons. when you put lemon juice over everything, you can pretty much ignore how bad it tastes!

walking into the mess hall, one of the major bitch discipline officers called me over. i was worried because her rather unattractive friend seems to be developing a crush on me. turns out she was curious about my goggles. now, i've learned to play it cool about legality. of COURSE they're okay with the uniform. *I* should know.


anyway, so she gave me a ride about they look. her parting words were classic: "so you wear those FOR REAL?"

no. no i don't. *hangs himself*

after lunch, the kid and i went with the new guy in our section to play basketball. we began with "horse" - i don't remember who won, but it's a game for bastards. come to think of it, i think the kid won.

then we played a game i used to sk00l at in middle school, which was fun. and i won.

then we played another game of the kid's, which turned into a one-on-one when the new guy left. and i kicked his ass ^_^ ... all because SxS (with enough patience) and grootbek (by example of what not to do) taught me good D. i'm satisfied.

we were both wiped out afterwards, so i went to go clean up - still in sports shoes and not wearing my uniform shirt. i walked out of the building, still wet but more water than sweat, and ran into this girl i've been chirping ('F') the last couple of weeks. she's really cute, and seems friendly enough. i was talking to her when i felt something sharp in the back of my neck... nails. sbelle's nails. she just stood there and made the rest of the conversation slightly less comfortable.

suddenly our discipline officer rocked up. the girls were quick to suggest that i run and hide, due to my state of undress. instead i waved him over to discuss my kitchen duty for the week. out of the blue, the head of our base walked past. looked at me, asked me if i'd sorted anything out regarding becoming a base-janitor. that was too much - i burst out laughing, and the girls just stood there, in shock that nobody was giving me shit.

yeah :)

went back to the office, sent 'F' quite a forward e-mail (no response - awww...), and we started a team-game of gta. i got fucked up royally. when i'd had quite enough, i disappeared (upsetting the two of them, no more target practice) to sort out the kitchen duty. both my commanders tried to help, but to no avail. tomorrow morning i have to be there bright and early, and hope that enough people rock up.

and all because one guy is worth two girls in the kitchen. bullshit!!

the kid, superkama (kama is an academic officer - superkama is one of them from our section) and i went shopping for outfits for purim (the jewish equivalent of halloween as far as dressing up is concerned. based on a historic event). on the way, i managed to lose the torch i've had hanging from my belt since the wedding i got it from. very upsetting.

we went to many stores, and amused many people, but eventually we got more or less sorted out. superkama (who's on the large side, and has a great "ho, ho, ho!") is going to be santa-claus, and we're going to be elves. that's the shit!

i went past azrieli, looking for ears. didn't find a damn thing. so i bussed home. now i'm going to shower, and then in about 20 minutes i'm off to work.

a muslim just blew my mind.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

ugly weather - miserable me - bitch me

i got up a bit late - good thing the kid could sign me in. started off the day alright, then did about an hour's drudgery, then had a decent-ish lunch.

had an unpleasant bout of words with an ex of the mongoose - she's really good friends with the bitchy little discipline officer, and was defending her unnecessary bad attitude. that got to a shitty ending.

i did some stretching and weight training, as well as forms. two girls ran up and asked me to teach them something, so i thought "why not?" and made a go of it. that lasted all of a minute before they gave up and sat on the side to watch. ignoring them, i continued where i'd left off. and then they started laughing and giggling.

didn't their mothers teach them any better? that seriously agitated me. i just stood there and waited until they left.

i played some gta - i found a way around the impossible tank mission, only to screw up my savepoint and lose the tank i'd gained. DAMMIT. but at least i know how to do it for next time :)

the kid and i eventually left around 6.20. i stopped by to talk with some cute girls guarding, then bussed home. to a great shower (well, as good as mine gets), and a good set of ufc fights. now i'm doing a bit of work (i'll have to break a bit though, i have to go buy smokes), then bed.

damn. reading hebrew excel files in vb is not working for me. and the documentation is, as usual, sorely lacking.

real simpsons!

Saturday, March 04, 2006

you are getting veeeery sleepy...

i've slept so much, that it's all i feel like doing. alright!

i woke up to an awesome short film - harvey crumpet. great stuff! immediately followed by spirited away. i remembered that i loved it the first time, but now i remember why. it's just beautiful.

i can't decide how to proceed with the evening. i can go to the lizard, or i can go to the fashionbar (hip-hop). i don't really feel like moving, though. and i certainly don't want to go to the fashionbar alone. and if i'm going to the lizard, then i should bus home first. i am totally undecided. maybe i'll just stay here!

awesome designs


yep. that's me. bench-pressing. pressing a bottle of juice to my lips, that is. sitting on a bench, in a stream of sunlight, watching the world slithering slowly by.

last night i went to the lizard - the crowd was shitty to the point that when i left, everyone who was working begged me to take them with. i went past the coffee shop where a guy from our base works, and got into an interesting debate with an ethiopian girl (born and raised here) about my africanness.

i managed to convince a taxi not to overcharge me to mmf's. i stopped for a bite to eat... and to my shame, to look up something for work... and then took a walk to the meimad.

that was worth 45 sheks. the music was great, the vibe was good. an hour or so later the mongoose and his date joined me - although it was barely noticeable :P

afterwards we went for humus. REALLY good humus, general silliness, and then it was time for bed.

the only reason i got out of bed was for total desperation for something cold to drink. when i went to pay, she asked me for more than i anticipated (i went with practically no cash, so that would have been a problem). she asked me what the dumbfounded expression was for, and i asked about the deal on the juice. "oh, my bad!" and i felt much less bewildered.

but not enough to be coherent. methinks. back to bed.

Friday, March 03, 2006

just juice

thank the lord that's all i had in my system to throw up. because i was FUCKED by the time i'd bladed home. totally exhausted, unable to catch my breath, sweating horribly... none too pleasant.

immediate shower - i didn't care that there wasn't much hot water to go by. i felt much better afterwards.

i ran some laundry, and watched the second episode of the 4400. still - damn nice.

i've spent the late afternoon / evening / early night working on a new project. i've learned all sorts of funky little things, and i've learned not to try to use OLE with vb6. i'm most of the way there, and that means that good money should be coming my way soon.

now i'm off to the lizard, then past mmf's on my way to the meimad. must - party.

thank you EVER so much for calling.

my head is still reeling from the sheer volume of calls we received this morning. there were SIX of us on duty, and for a couple of hours we were ALL hopping from one call to the next.

and we REALLY hit the bottom of the barrel on lusers. i spent most of the time looking like invader zim when his brain was replaced by a piggy.


man giving himself tech-support. he called up and described the problem. i told him to tell me if he could see a yellow bar in the upper section of his browser window. he spent the next five minutes talking to himself (not giving me a moment to butt in), saying things like "yellow bar. yellow bar. i see <insert whatever he sees>, but i can't click on it. i see icons. yellow bar. i see - wait, this looks like it could be it - no. no. what was i looking for again? ah, yes. yellow bar. yellow bar..."

i HATE people who tell me why they've called... especially when they take forever to figure out what it is. "hi, i've called because i'm taking this... uh... i'm doing a... er... um... are you familiar with this software?"

some guy, after i helped him, asked me where we were situated. we're not supposed to tell them. when i explained this, he told me that my accent sounds australian, and he really likes it. good for you, buddy. fuck off.

some woman called me, sounded rather ghetto. and most incompetent. in the middle of the call, i registered her nickname: "bubba".

there were plenty more. and the other guys had just as many. we decided that the panel company had gone all out on this one. these were hand-picked for low iq.

i did get to watch a few fights during the night. bas rutten is fucking insane. i wanna know if he actually fought rickson gracie, and what the outcome was. genki sudo is also brilliant. i really would like to learn to fight like that.

i got a ride most of the way home, and crashed as soon as i got near the bed. it's now too late to use the busses, so i'm going to have to blade home. not only do i need supplies for the weekend, but i have some work to do as well. and i don't really feel like moving right now.

space cash

cat sammich

decisions, decision... i eventually went with "make it on time to inspection". it was alright, actually. but then, upon returning to my office, i was reminded that i had two hours to get to the medical base for that appointment.


waiting for the bus, i noticed a soldier on a passing bus making obscene gestures - it took me a while to register him as the crazy dude from our prefab.

i got off the bus at the exact time my appointment was set for, so i had to walk super-fast (caused me shin splints). ran into a couple of people i know on the way, but i was late so i was kinda rude. walked past roadkill that was once a cat, which had been ripped apart in such a way as to expose all the internal organs. i don't know if they'd had time to dry, or what, but they actually looked like good, quality meat. made me hungry.

anyway, my appointment turned out to be with the head of the clinic, and i only had to wait an hour. the appointment took ages, with him constantly checking things on the computer and then checking me physically for corresponding things. i was essentially interviewed on the authenticity of my "claims".

he's given me a referral to a more specific orthopaedist, a referral for the pain clinic, and a recommendation to drop my medical profile and exempt me from any work outside the office.


i was in complete shock by the time he finished with me - i can't believe somebody actually took the time to review my case. i bussed back to base in a daze.

i spent the afternoon playing gta (the mission to steal a tank drove me nuts), and playing volleyball. i actually beat the kid in a 15 minute bout of gta. and the volleyball was great fun.

i bussed back to mmf's, showered, and rested. i couldn't bring myself to get back into uniform, so i had to pay for the bus to work. just had a rather unimpressive supper (i discovered i don't like pene), and am planning on spending the night-shift watching fights and playing mindless games.

maybe napping. but i think it'll be too busy.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

a long, bright and sunny night

(me) "thank you for calling..."
(whiny deep southern accent) "i can't understand a word you're saying."
(me, slowly - enunciating every syllable) "thank you for calling..."
(wdsa) "i still can't understand a word that's coming out of your mouth. it's all garbage! i'm going to hang up now. bye."

ten seconds pass...

(me) "thank you for calling..."
(wdsa) "wow! i can understand you now!"
that, and some woman who was practically crying on the phone because she felt she'd let everyone down by not showing up.

i left work at 5.20, bussed through to the base, and got in the gate at 5.55. i chatted with the army tech-support girls. one of them was second-in-command, and got me to help her pack up a really odd sleeping bag. i think she was flirting with me once we finally got it done.

i was brushing my teeth, or shaving (it's all a bit of a blur), when my phone began beeping - i'd completely forgotten that i had a dentist appointment at 8am! i was completely wasted, but i scarfed down some porridge and then bussed through to the city officer.

where i was politely informed that they'd cancelled my appointment again. luckily, a really cute (and so tiny!) girl (named dew-light) remembered them doing the same thing last week, and managed to sort me out. i saw the dentist before the first shift began :)

he was fast, and so far it seems that he did a great job. that was, without any doubt in my mind, the scariest dental treatment i've ever received. it felt (and sounded, you know how up-close and personal it is) like he was just gouging out the entire tooth, and the neighbouring ones as well. he didn't really seem to be paying much attention at all, really.

and the suction missed a tiny piece of previous-filling, that threatened to choke me most of the procedure. it took me a full minute to work it out from behind my tongue.

i bussed back to my base, and played gta with the guys. i crashed, and was woken up for lunch. crappy lunch. spot and i went to the cafeteria to chill. began a most entertaining series of encounters with some cute girls. they kept finding ways to harrass us because i had the only lighter in the area. they went so far as to take my wallet and cellphone too, at one stage. got them back practically untouched, but it was slightly unnerving.

our SC rocked up, so we talked and joked with him for a bit (and made fun of him for a bit more). then we went to pay a little visit to our secretariat. i managed to score a special card for sign-ins... now my team-members can sign me in when i don't make it to the base on time. w00t!

i crashed for a few hours - interrupted by that crazy religious dude, i'm still annoyed that my teammates didn't stop him. i woke up in time for 15 minutes of gta, and then we left.

i did some basic shopping, showered, and watched the remainder (most of) lock, stock and two smoking barrels. i have one thing to quote:
"look, you wanna knock him out, YOU knock him out!"
"i fuckin' HATE traffic wardens."
i'm now off to bed. enough is enough.

soybeans good for something after all
i'd hate for the battery to die on me :/
erm. yay?
terra incognita

*bzzzt* sector clear *crackle*

getting up was again difficult this morning. i slept like a baby. i met up with the kid on the way to the base. the arrival only became interesting when the bus driver started screwing with us, eventually letting us off between two stops. fool.

i spent about an hour milling around, then bussed to petach-tikva. was helped out with directions by one of the guys in charge of the army mainframes, who's known my SC since my SC was a private. i had to suffer his halitosis for about 20 minutes. that was aweful. nice guy, though.

i had very little trouble finding the office. the security guard was giving me grief, when the guy i spoke to came out and pushed me through. we sat down immediately to discuss the details of the job. he opened up an email in english and started translating for me... i stopped him and took over. not only am i going to be taking the project (assuming, of course, that he and my boss can reach an agreement on price / time), but i've already taken over communications with their head-office in the uk.

and people think i'm kidding when i say that israelis cut corners.

so that was fun. i got back to base 10 minutes before an impromptu team meeting (in spite of spot being on sick-leave). our TL doesn't even know i left ^_^

the meeting was most positive. it was all about how little work we actually have to do, and organizing a "team-building" day. which will probably include watching a movie and going out for a few drinks.

spraypainting session: made a cute sign, then scratched a nasty message into the paint of one of the letters. later i felt bad about it, and tried to cover it up with a marker. i don't want to spray over because i know i'm not accurate enough. bother.

lunch was extremely unimpressive. the kid and i went for a walk afterwards, ending up at the city council building of ramat gan. they have a tiny park area with benches, and a statue of some old guy sitting over a pan of sorts, wearing a huge coat. i put my sunglasses over his life-sized head, and his look went from miserable to slick. on our way back to base, we bought a small plastic personal uzzi (which we'll have to file down a bit to fit the statue's hand), and we absolutely have to go back for a picture.

while there, i called a number i had on my phone for a kung-fu teacher. one of these days i'm going to a trial lesson. the guy certainly seems serious, but it's hard to tell without seeing him in action. actually, it'll probably be hard to tell for a month or two. either way, it's better than nothing.

back on base, i sorted out some work-permit stuff... the welfare officers seem to have forgiven me for last week's bad behaviour. i milled around some more, got trapped by our SC. he started going on about something that has absolutely nothing to do with me, and as soon as i got a chance (about 5 minutes later), i backed off while explaining that i didn't hear anything, i don't know anything, and that i don't want to know anything. i was out the door before he could call me back.

i slept for an hour - i slept really well, and then went home. i stopped off at the mall, and the security guard wasn't satisfied with seeing my soldier's id. he made me open my bag, too. i didn't complain, i just passed it along and let him. then he told me to remove anything metal and to walk through the detector.

not only is that bloody rude, and seriously offensive, but it's fuck-off stupid as well. what, does he want me to go through naked? anybody who's been in the army knows that friggin' EVERYTHING in the uniform sounds the alarm. my boots have dog-tags in 'em, my belt buckle, my pins, and a fucking soldier doesn't have to pass along his phone, wallet, mp3 player, and lighter when he's already laden down with a bag and a huge dubon. this is not an international flight, you fuckwit.

he really pissed me off :@

and there was a long queue forming behind me. i took my shit, told him to fuck off, and walked through. nobody in the queue disagreed with me.

i bought diggers, then left, still angry. once back in my flat (after being accosted by an overly-friendly neighbour asking weird questions), i ran laundry, showered, and watched a bit of lock, stock and two smoking barrels. i don't remember a damn thing from that movie, but now i have that poker scene stuck in my head. what a great film.

bussed to work. been playing n the game (from, and sleeping. the calls have been alright. i've been listening to psy and goa trance from shoutcast.

of interest:and this (maternal death prevention) just pushes strange buttons in my head.